Page 4 | To be upset my mum wants to get my wedding photos edited?

riotlady · 2024-02-09T09:11:05+00:00

I got married a couple of years ago and we had a really lovely photographer who is old friends with my husband so kindly gave us a discount (still not cheap though, obviously!) and we were really happy with the results. My parents don’t like having photos up in the house but asked us for a photobook which I said I would sort out, but now they’ve changed their mind and said they want to send a our wedding photos to a family member to edit them for them. Apparently he’s already done one for them to make it “better”, which feels a little rude to be honest. Family member has a photography style that I don’t really enjoy (a little cheesy if that makes sense- the sort where he’ll put everything in black and white but leave a little girls dress pink) whereas our photographer was more of a natural documentary style. Fair enough that it’s not my parents style and not what they would have chosen, but they’re my wedding pictures and I really like them! It feels a bit disrespectful to our photographer and to us. Initially I said yes that’s fine (as I usually do with my mum) but now I feel quite reluctant about it. Not sure if I’m being precious and I should let them get on with it or if it’s a fair thing to object to.

MozzieMayhem · 09/02/2024 13:11

FluffyFlufferson · 09/02/2024 09:19

My MIL edited mine because she didn’t like the colour of the flowers. Then she presented us with the ‘improved’ version in a frame for Christmas. It annoyed me a lot!

My dad edited a picture of me at my prom (without asking) so I basically looked like a magazine cover. Did wonders for a 16yo’s self esteem 😕

Goneforaride · 09/02/2024 13:10

To make a proper job of the edit, your mum's friend will need the original RAW files from the photographer. You may well find that he/she won't let you have them due to copyright issues. I wouldn't .... (I do a bit of animal portrait photography as a bit of a side line and don't let anyone mess around with my images!!).

Meagainnewname · 09/02/2024 13:09

Can’t see the problem really
if they had taken their own photos, then they would have taken them in their preferred style, and put them up in their home, so no difference.

PutItInTheFuckitBucketAndGetOnWithYourDay · 09/02/2024 13:09

Give her the phone number of the Photographer so that she can ring them and ask permission

Should be an interesting conversation

notacooldad · 09/02/2024 13:08

No way would I let a relative have a third party edit photos of me, let alone my wedding photos
I honestly can't see the problem.
Both of you like different styles. So what.
I don't think it's rude, cheeky or whatever.

OriginalUsername2 · 09/02/2024 13:03

Lol. He must be a beginner. The black and white with one thing in colour is everybody’s first “thing” when they learn how to edit.

Thelnebriati · 09/02/2024 13:02

@TheLizardQueen is right, the photographer owns the copyright and their friend should know that.

CaramelMac · 09/02/2024 12:59

Goodness me people are bloody weird, aren’t they? Why on earth would you edit someone else’s wedding photos? 🙄 tell your mum she wants to get out more.

fleurneige · 09/02/2024 12:57

It's YOUR wedding photos- end of. They have no right to alter them to their own style, and would put you in breach of contract with your photographer, so just explain that you don't want them to do that.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 09/02/2024 12:53

riotlady · 09/02/2024 09:17

I think if they were just going to have them privately in a book I wouldn’t mind so much, but knowing my mum she’ll be going round showing everyone in the family and my grandma will end up with one of their ones etc etc

this is essentially about your rights to your own image / likeness. And you do not want your own image to be presented to friends and family in a way you find “cheesy” or unattractive.

I personally find that very understandable.

and no, I wouldn’t agree. It’s also disrespectful to the photographer and (potentially, although that’s probably a bit of a reach in this case) to her professional reputation.

TheLizardQueen · 09/02/2024 12:52

Wedding Photographer here! It’s in my contract that my photos can not be edited by anyone else. Even if there’s no contract in place the photographer always own the copyright. You must get permission from the original photographer to edit them. If you don’t they could sue you. Their edits are a reflection of their style.

MCOut · 09/02/2024 12:49

@riotlady microaggression is the wrong word, because it implies that the negative behaviour is as a result of the recipient being part of minority group. Completely get the sentiment of your comment though, it must’ve been so frustrating given it was literally a decision she made.

FawnFrenchieMum · 09/02/2024 12:44

It’s illegal to edit profession photos without a direct permission from the photographer so any photographer willing to do this isn’t behaving well.

Odile13 · 09/02/2024 12:43

It does sound irritating and unnecessary but I think I’d just let her get on with it.

The graduation thing you mentioned is far worse in my opinion - wow!

Viviennemary · 09/02/2024 12:41

Its a bit annoying but not worth making a big fuss about. Just let them get on with it.

Superscientist · 09/02/2024 12:19

riotlady · 09/02/2024 12:08

I wouldn’t call it a microacgression because I don’t think she actually means anything bad, it’s just that if there’s something she wants or she feels a certain way, she doesn’t necessarily get how other people might be feeling. For your graduation example- my mum didn’t actually come to mine. I went to her and said that I was considering inviting my biological dad but that I wouldn’t do it if it would make her uncomfortable because she was the one I wanted there the most. She said the suggestion that he might be invited “ruined the day for her” so she wouldn’t come.

I don’t want to paint her in too bad a light because she has lots of good points and does a lot for us (we barely cooked after our first was born she dropped round that many dinners) but equally if I went to any of my friends and told them this story they would absolutely go “oh yes, that sounds like your mum!”

Show quote history

Micro aggressions might not be the right word but that doesn't sound too far from the mark from your reply. It sounds like she knows exactly when to highlight her feelings to get you to change your mind.
Everyone has their own special mix of predominantly good characteristics and their own sprinkles of spice that everyone else has to tolerate!

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/02/2024 12:14

Absolutely bizarre... but I find the fetishization of weddings bizarre anyway.

I mean I'd let her do what she wants with her own copies if she's that bothered by it, you can't exactly stop her. What a weird thing to do, though.

Original poster

riotlady · 09/02/2024 12:11

Seas164 · 09/02/2024 11:45

My mother saw the photographs from my wedding and decided there were not enough of her and her outfit. She called me and said that she'd been speaking to MIL and they'd decided that everyone needed to go back and restage the wedding with the photographer so they could get some better photos. Of them.

I shit you not. This wasn't the only stunt she pulled but it was the memorable photography related one.

I tell you this to illustrate that some women are who are already a bit batshit are driven futher into the abyss by the wedding of their daughter, and the only way to deal with this is to say no that won't be happening, you'll get over it in time.

You mention that you usually say yes to her, I sense this is probably not the only thing she's done that's caused you to raise an eyebrow.

This is insane! Weddings really do drive people mad.

My Granny told me she was very proud of the hat she wore to my wedding and when I made her an album would I please include as many photos of her in The Hat as possible, which I thought was very endearing!

OP posts:

defiant2024 · 09/02/2024 12:11

It was rude to suggest it. Tell them no.

hungryhiphop · 09/02/2024 12:10

No. It's completely disrespectful to you and the photographer. I would be really annoyed if my mum (or anyone) did this to wedding photos that we commissioned and paid for. And that's assuming I owned the copyright - do you own the copyright? Is it even allowed?

YourWinter · 09/02/2024 12:10

That’s horrid OP. Your mother had her turn with her wedding photos. These are yours, and she’s no business controlling how they “should” look.

Original poster

riotlady · 09/02/2024 12:08

Superscientist · 09/02/2024 11:38

Is this type of micro aggression typical of your parents?

For my graduation photos I bought the package of photos I wanted and had a plan of who to give each size too. My mum took it upon herself to give her picture to my nan and then moaned endlessly about how I didn't buy her one. My nan was getting a photo just not the biggest photo which was marked for my parents. 6 months later my mum decides on a solution....she will do an oil painting of my graduation photo and put that on her wall. I promptly bought her another one.i had as she is prone to throwing a strop and making things about her so I do make sure I stand up for my views more with her compared to my MIL for example who by and large takes our needs into account. In this situation with my mother it would be a hell no and with other people I would be more engage in the conversation probably settling on a no

I wouldn’t call it a microacgression because I don’t think she actually means anything bad, it’s just that if there’s something she wants or she feels a certain way, she doesn’t necessarily get how other people might be feeling. For your graduation example- my mum didn’t actually come to mine. I went to her and said that I was considering inviting my biological dad but that I wouldn’t do it if it would make her uncomfortable because she was the one I wanted there the most. She said the suggestion that he might be invited “ruined the day for her” so she wouldn’t come.

I don’t want to paint her in too bad a light because she has lots of good points and does a lot for us (we barely cooked after our first was born she dropped round that many dinners) but equally if I went to any of my friends and told them this story they would absolutely go “oh yes, that sounds like your mum!”

OP posts:

Lellochip · 09/02/2024 12:05

Bloom15 · 09/02/2024 11:32

I might be in the minority here but I don't see what the issue is. They would be her copes - not hanging in your house.

Why does it matter?

It's disrespectful taking someone else's work and messing with it. The photographer spent hours shooting, then days or weeks of careful editing, making choices about the style/feel of their work etc. Photography is art isn't it, you wouldn't colour in someone's painting so it was more to your taste?

VoleChomper · 09/02/2024 12:05

My mother saw the photographs from my wedding and decided there were not enough of her and her outfit. She called me and said that she'd been speaking to MIL and they'd decided that everyone needed to go back and restage the wedding with the photographer so they could get some better photos. Of them.

Bonkers!

They sound like kindred spirits though

Seas164 · 09/02/2024 11:45

My mother saw the photographs from my wedding and decided there were not enough of her and her outfit. She called me and said that she'd been speaking to MIL and they'd decided that everyone needed to go back and restage the wedding with the photographer so they could get some better photos. Of them.

I shit you not. This wasn't the only stunt she pulled but it was the memorable photography related one.

I tell you this to illustrate that some women are who are already a bit batshit are driven futher into the abyss by the wedding of their daughter, and the only way to deal with this is to say no that won't be happening, you'll get over it in time.

You mention that you usually say yes to her, I sense this is probably not the only thing she's done that's caused you to raise an eyebrow.