To refuse early help referral

If the referral has been made I would speak to them about what other support you are putting in place. Ring around any local autism and anxiety services and find out all the information yourself. Get onto CAMHs, the school, the GP etc. about getting the support she actually needs. Explain to EH that the help she needs is outside their remit.

In my area, early help workers have access to IAPT, which schools don't. So a referral to Early help CAN sometimes mean earlier psychological support ( although not always!) But, at the end of the day, if you don't think it will be helpful, you don't agree. ( the poster earlier who said the school " set early help on her" is incorrect, Early Help is entirely voluntary and any referrals must have parental agreement) .

I refused early help ,and all TAF /TAC meetings
Had one for eldest ,was a shambles
Refused for youngest
Both mine had regular CAMHs appointments.
However ..at the time of the regular CAMHs appointments,both DC were out of any education..no setting or tutor .. nothing
Once that was resolved.. actually many years later ..we were dropped by CAMHs.
CAMHS had strong link with LEA ,and every session in CAMhs was sent to LEA .
Once my kids had education they were responding to ,they were deemed not in need of CAMHs ... despite me ringing for appointments .
I have noticed this with others / friends as well

Where I am CAMHS don't open to a family when we are open, they can work alongside but often say the young person has support so won't. Go to the doctor. Decline early help and no you won't end up with social services for saying no to a voluntary service.
As a mum of a disabled child, I think a lot of it comes down to the absolute cuts towards anything mental health or disability related. Early help teams are accepting referrals which in the past would have been refused because it's seen as better to have someone than noone (but this isn't always the case)
Additionally some sen families want to vent, some don't understand school rights with ehcps, some need knowledge of how to get on diagnosis pathway etc some need parenting programmes so it can be useful. Clearly that isn't you though so just decline. They should have even made the referral without your permission in the first place

As a social worker I'll agree with you that families with needs like yours are often referred to early help because CAMHS won't help and there's nothing else we can think of, so YANBU to decline if you don't think it will help. PP saying this will lead to social services referral and scaremongering about PLO are wrong and using one completely different scenario where there were clearly actual parenting issues to extrapolate to unrelated scenarios like yours.

My children both have suspected ASD/ADHD

( I have ADHD & my sibling has autism )

For the last few years our lives have been a revolving door of support and social workers because of my DD and her behaviour

We have been on several CIN plans, the latest one was put on a CP plan, ( despite the fact this is anonymous I still feel ashamed, the CP was not down to abuse or neglect but due to the fact there had been so many CIN plans and nothing was changing with DD )

We didnt get any proper help or support until the CIN plan and now everyone is bending over backwards to help us. I love the social worker we have, she is brilliant at fighing our corner.

My dd has been rejected from CAMHs three times, despite self harm, threats of suicide, behaviour at school and home ect,

I had a letter off them in October rejecting her again. After my social worker worked her magic i got a letter last week saying my DD has an appointment with CAHMs in March!

I've got the same battle going on with DS, he hasnt even got a foot on the ladder yet

I dont think people understand how stressful and upsetting it is trying to get your kids the support they need now so they dont need support as adults

I'd reject it and hope it sparks some sort or involvement where their going to step up and start helping

You can refuse early help referral from your school with no repercussions.
Do you have an autism hub or a parent support group in your area as this would probably be more helpful and will provide you with a support network of other parents in similar situations.

When I worked on the MASH Team (the front door to all Children's Services), we used to advise parents that even if they felt that EH wasn't right for their family, once they engaged with them, it did open doors to other services that were not available directly.

Unfortunately, over the years, and due to multiple budget cuts, and cuts to services, both internal and external, that was no longer the case.

EH were doing work far closer to CIN than they should have been (whilst SWs were concentrating more on CP work) and were unable to provide the services they were set up for.

I suppose different local authorities will offer different support and services within their EH teams, but from my experience, there was little that was available.

We had intervention from them 20 odd years ago, when we were struggling with our son's behaviour, and they were wonderful. I'd not bother engaging with them now though 😕

You are not being unreasonable but I understand why you're reticent.
Hopefully someone will come along with more experience

beware if you don't do what they like or take their advice they can turn nasty and put social services on to you(next step up from them really)

this happened to a friend of mine in may 2021 when the early help worker didn't like it when mum refused to change parenting style on her(EHW)assistance
mum did gentle parenting, worker wanted Authoritarian style

mum didn't want EH or ask for them but school sent them and EH more or less insisted it wasn't optional and if she refused a SS referral will be made so mum was blackmailed in to having them and when she wouldnt do what they insisted they turned nasty and actually did a SS referral

mum got to the point of Pre-proceedings (PLO) when SS did get involved(most severe stage of SS) and every time SW visited the EHW would come too

SW started saying it was emotional(wouldnt change parenting style) and educational neglect as mum was thinking about home education as she was furious at what the head did with EH(if he didn't put Eh on to her none of this would never have happened)

they did try for a FII case at one point but solicitor nipped it in the bud as kids had official diagnoses for years

they didn't go away until dec 2023
mum fought all the way as she was innocent and SW lied so much on reports
months and months of meetings, court proceedings and threats of immediate removal when mum wouldnt "do" what SW wanted
mum did start home education anyway and will continue to do so until leaving age

all this would never had happened if the EHW didn't get arsey because mum wouldnt change at her assistance

the EH put it over they are their to help and are optional/voluntary and only there to advice but they are not, they are a low end form of social services really(google it they are the first stage)
and have the ability turn nasty when you refuse

I was in a similar situation and I declined early help support as in reality there was nothing they could add to what I was already doing.
They suggested I give up my full time job (as a single parent ) to be at home with my children ! So I knew from then on we would not be compatible .
Early help is voluntary so you are not obligated to accept .

I'm not sure what the answer is, but just wanted to say that you're not alone.

Trying to get appropriate mental health support for children is so bloody difficult, and there are so many hopes raised that turn into blind alleys.

Early Help is voluntary, you don't have to take it, or continue with it once started. I was fortunate to have a sympathetic worker, who facilitated TAF meetings for us, but generally I had more information than she did and we are out of their scope to help.

Wishing you and your poor DD all the best from another mum who gets it.