AIBU naive about what a year 9 party looks like?

A 13 year old choosing not to drink, vape and perform sexual acts in a field does not make them 'socially behind'.

In terms of COVID impacts when students started our High school when the year groups were still separated the year 7s continued playing playground games well into year 7 which was lovely. Normally on a mixed playground they realise by the first couple of days that 'tag' doesn't cut it and stop playing which is a shame. I was still at junior school in year 7 having attended a first-middle-high system

When working in a secondary there is a clear divide between those with more unsupervised time whether through being a 'latch key' child or those who aren't cared for adequately and the things they are allowed to get up to even year 7s smoking on the way to school and those whose parents are more involved or just a child with a quieter personality who wouldn't want to drink, vape and have relationships at that age.

I think my point is that at 16 I would not be surprised at this.

At 13, I'd judge the parents. Sorry but it's some exploitative stuff being described

It's not surprising when you think about it. Basically a year spent at home with your parents when you really should be out and getting your independence.

My dds teachers when she started in year 7 definitely thought so and all commented on it. They lost the whole of that last year of primary and seemed so much younger than previous years as a result

My 14 I was having sex, taking loads of drugs and having the best time ever!!

My friends and I were all having sex and drinking all the time at 14. Tried speed and cocaine too. We were probably some of the wildest in our year group, lots of the others were sporty/arty sorts who didn’t do what we did.
interestingly, it was the white , middle class kids who were the worst behaved. All our parents were professionals and we came from nice houses.
our parents just didn’t care too much about us as they were busy and we could often find an empty house because parents would bugger off on trips and leave teens to it.I had a boyfriend in his 20’s , lots of us did. My daughter was much better than me, I was around though and did play the cool parent a bit cos I liked to know where she was and I liked her friends so didn’t mind them staying over.
nearly every teen can be led by peer pressure so it’s about the cohort overall rather than just the individual I think.

I think maybe losing that year away from school to covid has something to do with it.

That's interesting - I do wonder if kids are now quite a bit behind socially compared to previous generations.

There was a group of us talking recently about this and laughing about how much wilder we all were as young teens in the 80s & 90s than teens today. I think we had much more freedom in those days and consequently took more risks.

Exactly. I was raised in a town that's regularly mentioned on here as a lovely, safe place to raise a children and have a family, and off the top of my head:

One girl was asked "not to come back" from our private school when she got pregnant at 15.
5-6 kids a few years above me got expelled for smoking/dealing weed (that ended up in the papers).
Plenty of people getting suspended for underage smoking, drinking etc.
A friend of mine got suspended for getting drunk underage in a park on a Saturday afternoon. She was a boarder so under school rules.

Parties in fields or in people's back gardens were common and almost always involved smoking (cigarettes and weed) drinking and fooling around. Sex maybe wasn't that common at 14 but it certainly happened.

House parties with drinking etc. were also pretty common and you often ended up there as a "friend of a friend of a friend". I would guess that started at around 16/17 rather than 13/14, though.

lol - I now live in a very middle class, if not upper class area of a large city, multi million pound houses (it’s the north, so rare for houses to be at this price range), some of them are the big stately home type and have listed status. Big selective local school, and even all the state schools are rated outstanding etc etc etc etc - all the markers of an area being “dead posh”.

I regularly see / smell the local teens smoking weed and I think my neighbours coke dealer confused me with her the other day.

I probably notice more of the less “desirable” behaviours as I grew up on the very opposite end of the spectrum and know what I am looking at - it’s not depraved though - just the real world

None of my granddaughters have/ would do anything like that at 13/14. Eldest is 17 and likes a can of cider. No interest in sex, more interested in hobbies and work.

Year 9 tends to be a year group of two halves, those that drink, vape and have sex early and those that are home bodies and a couple of pizzas and bit of karaoke, just dance or board games do the trick.

The same was true in my teens years, my parents were (over) protective and I wasn't allowed to wander the streets, hang out at the park or beach so was in the latter group as is my DD.

My year 9 DD is going to a birthday party on Saturday and I can guarantee that she and her friends won't be drinking and vaping she thinks anyone that does is an idiot because of the health impacts.

I was that age in the 80s and it was similar then but disagree that it is now. I have a dd in year 9 and it makes me laugh how child like they all are compared to how we were. I was out clubbing at that age and I'd be shocked if my dd got up to even a fraction of the things I did. I think maybe losing that year away from school to covid has something to do with it. Unsupervised at a party they'd probably think it really rebellious to have a vape and a bit of blue wkd. Having said that I wouldn't be letting her go to some lads party I didn't know only in case older kids turned up and it got out of hand

It definitely happened! At one party two of my friends lost their virginity at 14. I basically asked my mum to say I couldn’t stay over at my pals house that night. She asked me why and I told her that her parents were away and there would be boys over. So anyway, my mum said that i was definitely not going now

Awwww… sorry… but I think you are very naive. Even back in the 90s there were some 13/14 year olds drinking, smoking, doing weed, having sex etc at parties

I’m not depraved. When we were 14 and in year ten we got drunk in fields and in parties. People sometimes snuck off to give blow jobs or have sex. I wasn’t one of them but it doesn’t make me depraved for recounting what happened.

@Ojlaurv Well you don’t know everything about everyone… and I can assure you that my DC and their friends were absolutely not in to booze, sex and drugs at the age of 14. Don’t fear, they’re now older and it hasn’t done them any harm.

Or cheap bottles of Lambrini from the corner shop

Given the fact that they've been told that they can bring guests, its a free for all. So, I'm assuming its a proper house party, it's not a giant reach to expect drinking, drugs and sex. It definitely goes on at that age.
Mine definitely wouldn't be going to it.

Patines at age 14 is what I'm surprised about, I'm clearly naive too!

I grew up in a "naice" middle class market town and all these things definitely happened. I think some people on this thread are a bit naive tbh - I'm really not convinced that this generation is all that different from the ones before.

Yep. Really depraved people on this thread or some exaggerated fantasies. Talking about 13/14-year-olds giving blow jobs in fields. Wtf?!? Really not normal or legal!!!

It was cheap cider and sex at house parties when I was 14. And always an idiot with a bottle of vodka who passed out. This was in the mid 1990s

bombastix don't believe that not a single Yr 9 in your area has ever drunk alcohol or vaped.