To not let my daughter have TikTok

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves you are right it's not easy to stick to your guns!
It's not forever though, and one of my dc is thrilled never to have had an online presence. They see it as an asset.

My dd was bullied online in a school teams chat - not picked up by teacher- so we do chat a lot about it and follow media/ court cases/ bizarre stuff her friends whom are allowed access- and random people access to them get embroiled in.

It doesn't matter how aware your child is, it's not about them. It's about how much others and technology want to influence and use them for their own gain. Imo!

You say "it's easy" but I don't actually think it is as easy as you think.

I know parents who said they didn't allow various things, and some of them just ended up having no knowledge of what their kids were doing online - I could see from monitoring my dd's own accounts that their kids were active on social media despite parents said.

Sometimes, if parents are perceived to be unreasonable, kids will just go behind their backs. Better to strike a balance in my view - let them have some access, but monitor it carefully and have lots of discussions about how to use it sensibly.

None of my dc have been allowed tik tok, Facebook, twatter, Snapchat. Yes ' all friends have it ( do they really...) ' and ,,, ruined my life ( yawn)

We have a WiFi network that blocks WiFi access by tech device. We had custudio but ds disabled it - no idea how, its supposed to be impenetrable.

. Also family link and no phones upstairs which applies to any friends in the house too, AND downtime.

Real life parents tell me rhey wish they had never said yes to Snapchat and tok tok etc. Its easy. " NO dc, - Ask your school IT teacher or let's ask a copper if you think its not fair/ am paranoid. "

Why are people conflating messaging apps with TikTok?

My dd and ds now 19 and 15 got access to Snapchat around age 13. No big deal just switched the maps off.

They are very well taught at school not to send anything stupid and what to do if they receive anything inappropriate.

I actually think they would be more at risk from not having access to things at a younger age when they can more safely learn under some supervision.

Dd1 has a levels in the summer just chatting she’s downloaded an app that shuts down your phone and monitors the number of hours revision you do. You then see what how much revision/ phone shut down your mates have done too. Only my friends former wild child dd has revised more hours. They’re not daft these kids.

Same age, neither.

If you both have iPhones there’s family settings built in that can limit access to apps, websites etc and place limits on screen time. My DD’s phone shuts off at 9 bar Spotify.

So if anyone has apps that stop access after a certain amount of time etc please share
I use family link, can limit total screen time and also screen time by app so for instance you could allow 2 hours a day but limit snapchat or tiktok to 30 minutes. Though I'm not sure if all the features are available with iphones. There's qustido which works with all phones but I think you have to pay if you want decent features.

One of the big problems with Tik Tok is that the videos are so short and young people have been spending so much time on them that it is affecting their concentration span. They are struggling to concentrate even on videos/ films. There is a noticeable problem in schools. It's not just about the content.

I agree but we prevent addiction by teaching children how to manage, not just banning it. I’m not necessarily saying you should have TikTok before 13 but to me, it’s not logical to ban until an age deemed acceptable, without teaching and learning, often by mistakes.

My daughter is not allowed TikTok and she is 12.
I won’t be budging on this for a long time.

To be honest, I was looking the news yesterday where two women have set up a WhatsApp group for parents who agree not to give children a smart phone.

Brilliant idea, hope it starts a big movement.
Wish I had never given my daughter one, she was the last of her class at 11 and I gave in.

I agree with all of this. I do it as well. But this is why I enforce strict boundaries with my dc. He can have tik tok for half an hour then it's time to come off. Phones are turned off and put away at bedtime. As with most things, I find it's better to moderate it than to ban it completely. You can only shield your kids from some stuff for so long.

Now if I only I could follow my own rules...

With TikTok the scroll is never-ending, there's no natural end to it, and the algorithm is designed to mould what is presented to you to capture your attention. It personalises to you and what catches you straight away. It starts not knowing you and presents a wide range of popular content. Linger on a video because it's a cute kitten and you like cats? More cats. Stare in fascination at some ear wax removal? Boom more sporn. Sit there shocked as horrible manipulated images or deliberately made fake content is presented and the algorithm sees that as the same attention-grabbing as the kittens. It will give you more. More more more. And people know that attention grabbing stuff gets views and clicks and surfaced to more people, so they make it more extreme.

All too often I think "just ten minutes of TikTok before I go to bed" and am still on it an hour or two later. And I'm in my thirties.

Yes my year 7 child has got them both fairly recently. I'm not thrilled about it but his friends all have it and with Snapchat in particular it's one of the main ways they communicate.

I've set tik tok up with the most restrictions I can and keep regular tabs on it. He has spoken to me on the rare occasions he's seen something he thought he shouldn't have. I have to admit I worry about the attention focus more than exposure to dodgy content. Even I find myself losing hours scrolling.

The world has changed. You can't keep them away from everything that could be harmful to them. You have to teach them how to be open and honest about it.

Well said @AnEmbarrasmentofWitches

The algorithm on TikTok is scary.
My daughters was full of self harm and pro ana over and over so we deleted it. She has it back but only 90 mins per day. I wish she didn’t have it at all.

I don’t know whether this was directed at me but I am very far from a naive parent. I have previously been a safeguarding lead at a large comprehensive school and I have seen first hand the damage that can be done to young people through exposure to these apps. I have extremely honest communication with my DC’s.

They completely agree with our decision to not allow certain apps. Because they see the impact that they have on children who do have access. They are also smart enough to understand the many studies coming out of the US about the impact of social media on mental health.

I totally agree with @noblegiraffe. We don’t give children access to alcohol, drugs and pornography and justify it by saying ‘they need to learn how to manage it’, or ‘everyone else has access to it’.

Some things are harmful, and though it is an effort, you have to actually parent your children.

I thought I was a mug allowing my 10 year old to have youtube! I told him already that Tik Tok will not be allowed ever, the same for snapchat. He has WhatsApp (which I can monitor) - I think its enough - and we had problems with it already, so now group chats are not allowed and certain people are banned.

Tik Tok, in my view, is a brainwash operation - consumerism and dodgy political crap delivered in a massively simplified format aimed at children. It has zero redeeming qualities.

The effects of TikTok that I have experienced with the children I work with daily are,1. Hours spent on it. It’s built to be addictive, therefore expecting a child to be able to manage their time on there is unrealistic. Some children are on it 7 hours a day, and in the holidays for longer. Number of hours spent on this and other apps are easy to check, and some of the children have been shocked to realise how long they are on it for. It can destroy ability to focus on real life tasks. 2. Disassociation. Hours spent mentally elsewhere makes grounding in the present hard. 3. Depression and anxiety, either due to content, pressure to publish own content for views, or the effects of 1 and 2. 3. Fantasy about what life is. Promoted through ‘vibes’ or ‘aesthetic’ posts. Children’s brains are not able to process this kind of information or exposure, this level of dopamine or habit. Tik Tok is never benign, and I would not allow a child of mine to have it. I spend many hours of work dealing with the mental health impacts of this app. So it’s a hard no from me. I expect to see research into the impact on brain development and health hit the headlines soon.

I actually think chatting to friends on a tv in the living room on roblox, fortnite is healthier than tiktok. I have encouraged the latter.

I have just let my DS Y7 have Snapchat he had tick tock at the start of the year. His phone locks at 9pm and reopens at 7am and each app has a mc 3hr allowance. I check chats each day one he has gone to bed in Snapchat. Tick tock doesn't concern me we hVe parental controls on so I am not worried about him accessing hard porn or anything it's just mind boggling. Everything is so instant gratification videos that change all the time I was hoping he might get bored with it but he hasn't yet but I don't have any major concerns. Snapchat worries me as you cannot stop pictures disappearing once viewed conversations can be deleted but we have a 24hr filter on and if he deletes stuff he has to come off it. That said you cant stop other kids deleting their messages once sent he is on a group chat with his form and has a select fee others. It's a trial period and he knows that we will see how it goes. This is their future and its hard to restrict access without them getting stick off other kids for it plus they do miss out on stuff. What I am quickly realising is actually girls us it much more than the boys he knows they all chat on roblex together. I am hoping he will lose interest.

She’s 12 so regardless of what the posters on here are saying (or believe of their children) the overwhelming majority of her friends almost certainly do have access to it.

I suppose it comes down to how well you can supervise and whether you want to be that naive parent smugly thinking your child doesn’t use it or whether you want to be realistic to the fact that they may well have their own account that they access, completely unsupervised, on a friend’s phone, and will never tell you about because they can already anticipate your reaction.

I don’t like TikTok or Snapchat for children but I think having honest communication with your child about social media and knowing they can come to you is very important.

I wouldn't allow any social media for a child in year 7 personally.

If they felt out of touch with their peers I would put It on my phone. Follow and vet the accounts they want to watch and we could watch it together if they wanted.