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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who should pay?

61 replies

BlackBean2023 · 06/02/2024 20:07

Child is finishing exams late June this year. There are other children in the family so can't go on holiday outside of term time.

Grandparent has booked a holiday with DC (16) for a week at beginning of July. Their suggestion, their choice of destination, their choice of dates.

Who foots the bill for DC?

OP posts:
littlefireseverywhere · 06/02/2024 22:10

I would say grandparents, but you cover, perhaps their food bills or or offer a portion towards their accommodation. Also give them a good amount of spending money.

jelly79 · 06/02/2024 21:02

Depends on how it was discussed

'We will take DC away for a break when they have finished exams..' grandparent pays

'Can DC come away with you after his exams he could really do with a break and we aren't going away.' Parents pay

SD1978 · 06/02/2024 21:01

I'd assume that was all part of the initial conversation, 'we'd like to take DGC on holiday' ok that's fine but we can't afford it, 'ok we will pay' or ' ok then we can't do it'

Londonrach1 · 06/02/2024 20:59

Who booked the holiday...was there any discussion before re who pays..

Wolfpa · 06/02/2024 20:57

What was the initial discussion?

Hiddenvoice · 06/02/2024 20:56

It would need to be a discussion really. If the grandparent had booked it before discussing with the parents then that’s unfair and they should be paying for it. I’d probably pay towards the holiday and give dc some spending money if they don’t have a job or savings etc

Viewfrommyhouse · 06/02/2024 20:53

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/02/2024 20:50

You’d be surprised how many people wouldn’t see it as obvious as you do.

The parents of my DS’s friend offered to take him on holiday with them. Discussed it with the then 8 year old DS before messaging me about it. Expected us to pay over £1k for him to go with them. Left us as the bad guys with the two boys for saying no.

That's bonkers!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/02/2024 20:50

Viewfrommyhouse · 06/02/2024 20:41

I'm taking my 16yo niece on holiday this year - my suggestion, my choice of destination, my choice of dates. Of course I'm paying for her Confused

You’d be surprised how many people wouldn’t see it as obvious as you do.

The parents of my DS’s friend offered to take him on holiday with them. Discussed it with the then 8 year old DS before messaging me about it. Expected us to pay over £1k for him to go with them. Left us as the bad guys with the two boys for saying no.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/02/2024 20:46

grandparents

Unless there's a back story

Viewfrommyhouse · 06/02/2024 20:41

I'm taking my 16yo niece on holiday this year - my suggestion, my choice of destination, my choice of dates. Of course I'm paying for her Confused

Mumaway · 06/02/2024 20:40

Them

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/02/2024 20:38

They do, I'd provide some, but not all, spending money.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 06/02/2024 20:36

If they booked it without discussing it with you then I'd assume they're paying. If you knew about it and agreed he could go then it should've been discussed before booking.

TheChosenTwo · 06/02/2024 20:35

What was discussed at the time?
Just have a conversation to work it out, there isn’t any kind of law about this!

Terrrence · 06/02/2024 20:33

Well, when the grandparent suggested it did they say they would be paying for the DC or that the DC would have to pay for themselves? Either way is fine as long as it hasn't gone from them implying they would be taking the DC away to changing it to them accompanying the DC but the parent paying.

ElevenSeven · 06/02/2024 20:30

Depends what is discussed. There wouldn’t be any hard and set rules

Onabench · 06/02/2024 20:28

Depends how the conversation started. I can’t see why a grandparent would raise and consider such a thing if they weren’t looking to foot a chunk of the bill? Flights and accommodation? And everything else is down to the parents. Seems unfair on the other grandkids though

AnOldCynic · 06/02/2024 20:24

I would see this as a treat from the grandparents to the child upon finishing their exams.

Are the GP asking you to pay? Does your DC want to go? Will you be paying for DC to go away later on in the summer with the rest of their siblings? I can see why you wouldn't want to pay for two holidays.

Mumof2teens79 · 06/02/2024 20:23

I would have expected the grandparent to pay.....or only book following a conversation where someone else explicitly agreed to pay.
I would see this as either a gift for leaving school, or doing a favour for the grandparent.

MiaGee · 06/02/2024 20:21

Did grandparents just say surprise we've booked a holiday? Granparents in this case. And what do exams have to do with it?

Or did a discussion take place of we should all go away, oh hang on we can't but 16 year old can. Parents in this case.

Coconutter24 · 06/02/2024 20:20

If the grandparents invited DC then they would pay. Have you asked grandparents what contribution is needed? If not I’d just ask how much will it cost and then they’ll either say X amount or it’s our treat

TeaKitten · 06/02/2024 20:17

Depends what has been discussed doesn’t it. More story needed

HeddaGarbled · 06/02/2024 20:17

In my family, the parents would offer a contribution, the grandparents would go “no, no, our treat” and the parents would give the teenager money to pay his way a little bit during the holiday.

eggbot · 06/02/2024 20:16

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 06/02/2024 20:09

Whoever said they would when the idea was first discussed 🤷‍♀️

This really

11NigelTufnel · 06/02/2024 20:16

I don't think there are any rules on who should pay, it should just be a discussion. If they said directly to the child without going via the parents, I would expect them to pay. Otherwise it's between everyone to decide.