Who should pay?

BlackBean2023 · 2024-02-06T20:07:15+00:00

Child is finishing exams late June this year. There are other children in the family so can't go on holiday outside of term time. Grandparent has booked a holiday with DC (16) for a week at beginning of July. Their suggestion, their choice of destination, their choice of dates. Who foots the bill for DC?

StormingNorman · 31/05/2024 19:30

What! If your DM invited DD and made all the arrangements without consulting you or mentioning money, it is reasonable to think it is her treat.

It’s a bit late now to start asking for a contribution.

Firawla · 31/05/2024 19:19

If they’ve just gone ahead and booked it then they should be paying
you don’t spend other peoples money like that by booking random holidays and then charging them
so if they ask for money, I would consider that very tight

IMustDoMoreExercise · 31/05/2024 17:50

j

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/02/2024 10:39

That's bizarre - your DM has talked previously about taking her grandchild on holiday but now expects you to pay?

"Sorry Mum, when you said you'd like to "take her on holiday, it implied you'd be paying. We can't afford that."

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/02/2024 09:06

@BlackBean2023 wow! that is a heck of a lot of money for a holiday for one child! where the hell are the going??? Pretty sure that you would not have booked a holdiday for your family if the holiday cost £800 each! you have other children to cater for too if you go on holiday and that cost removed from family budget might not leave much left for a holiday for everyone else!

rookiemere · 07/02/2024 08:11

If it's booked through Jet2 or Easyjet holidays it can be cancelled at this stage with a small loss of around £60 per person. I'd offer to pay that as an option as clearly there has been a misunderstanding over who is paying and you would never have agreed to pay this much.

muggart · 07/02/2024 06:26

Wow that's awkward

helpnohelpno · 07/02/2024 05:14

Ifs your dm has booked this with no discussion with you about payment/budget I'd say it's her responsibility. I'd offer an amount (if you can afford to) or suggest she cancels.

SilverDrawer · 07/02/2024 04:43

I think she should pay.

I think it’s really cheeky to arrange this then ask for money.

Zanatdy · 07/02/2024 04:05

Well I’d be offering the payment for my child, but if my parents had offered to take child they’d pay. But I would always offer payment for my child

ZekeZeke · 07/02/2024 04:04

Where are they going? What country?
It seems a bit bizarre that you didn't have any information about the holiday.
£800 is a lot of money, is it a 5 star hotel? Can it be changed to somewhere cheaper?

PhoenixStarbeamer · 07/02/2024 00:13

Your DM is taking the piss out of you.

BreakingAndBroke · 06/02/2024 23:40

£800 is an insane amount to spend on a holiday when you haven't cleared it with the person who you think is paying! If DM thought you were paying, surely she should've asked for your budget. Is the £800 for you're DC only or for DC and DM?
If your budget is £500, then say you will give DM £500. You can't magic up money for a holiday that you've had no choice in arranging.

Kisskiss · 06/02/2024 23:38

It’s very weird she’s asked for money- does the 800 cover only the flights? Or is it the flights/hotels/food… when my friend’s parents took me on holidays with them we used to just pay for flights or ferry or train to get there and everything else would be covered … she’s the grandmother! Ot sounds weirdly calculative

Merryoldgoat · 06/02/2024 23:34

My PIL take my son away every year and they pay - we send spending money.

BobbyBiscuits · 06/02/2024 23:28

I really don't know but if you can't afford it you need to speak to them as if that's a deal-breaker he obviously can't go.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/02/2024 23:23

Of course your DM should pay for her in these circumstances. She wanted to do it, she booked and planned it, she sounds like the person who will mostly benefit from it.

Also sounds like she said “I’ll take her” not “would she like to come along with me?”.

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/02/2024 23:06

No way, the person who thought of the holiday is the person who should be paying for it. Otherwise we could all decide to go on holiday and expect someone else to pay for it

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 06/02/2024 22:45

Yup, she’s using your DD as company.

£800 on a holiday that someone isn’t that bothered about is ridiculous. Tell your DM you’re not paying that, it’ll be wasted money, DD doesn’t really want to go anyway, and to cancel.

There’s nothing complicated about the situation, other than what will ensue from your DM when you tell her the above. If it were anyone but your DM, you wouldn’t be asking.

pootlin · 06/02/2024 22:42

BlackBean2023 · 06/02/2024 22:27

Wanted unbiased views but full story is that my DM has been talking about taking DC on holiday for a few years. When she found out that DC finishes early this year she suggested the holiday and has arranged it, half liaising with DD (who is nonchalant about the whole thing tbh).

It's now been booked (to go on a day that I'm at work but will now need to get DC to airport as we live in a different direction to my DM) and DM has asked me for £800 towards it (no spending money- DD is about to do GCSEs so doesn't have a job so that will be me too...). I'm finishing the whole thing a bit bizarre. If she'd have told me I was paying I'd have set a £500 budget.

Sounds like she is using your dd for company.

No fucking way would I fund that!

Tell her to get to fuck! Save your money for a family holiday, WITHOUT your grasping mum.

Spirallingdownwards · 06/02/2024 22:39

reply

Sorry Mum no can do. I hadn't appreciated you expected me to pay and thought you were treating her. Can you amend the name of the tickets and get one of your friends to go instead? If we had realised you weren't treating her as you have mentioned taking her way a number of times we would have been able to explain its not something that our family finances allow.

Teaandtoast12 · 06/02/2024 22:34

Definitely her! As it seems this was all arranged without your input so I don’t think she can then put that on you.

MiaGee · 06/02/2024 22:31

I think if she's arranged it she pays. But if my DM arranged it I'd still offer to pay as its my child.

MixedCouple · 06/02/2024 22:30

Oh wow. That is rude. Cancel.
If she arrannged it, suggested it then she pays. If you had told her about it and asked them your pay.
Omg no I would be cancelling it.

Original poster

BlackBean2023 · 06/02/2024 22:27

Wanted unbiased views but full story is that my DM has been talking about taking DC on holiday for a few years. When she found out that DC finishes early this year she suggested the holiday and has arranged it, half liaising with DD (who is nonchalant about the whole thing tbh).

It's now been booked (to go on a day that I'm at work but will now need to get DC to airport as we live in a different direction to my DM) and DM has asked me for £800 towards it (no spending money- DD is about to do GCSEs so doesn't have a job so that will be me too...). I'm finishing the whole thing a bit bizarre. If she'd have told me I was paying I'd have set a £500 budget.

OP posts: