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Original poster

My partner won’t marry me

82 replies

Glibe33 · 05/02/2024 18:18

I live with my partner of 8 years and we have a daughter who is 5, we got engaged two years ago and every time I bring the topic up of marriage my partner says to me well we aren’t exactly good at the moment with arguing and falling out etc. (this is not around our child by the way) I said to him well marriage means a lot to me and you never want to talk about it and always shut the conversation down. He always refers back to not having any money and being able to afford to when we both work and he is a high earner. I have never wanted anything fancy or am a big spender and would be happy with the basic registery office and just having immediate family there. I feel really upset about it and feel like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore 😓 I’m not sure if I am being petty but I’m in my thirties now and thought we would be hitched by now. What should I do?

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/02/2024 18:24

What is your financial position? Do you work full time? If not, I'd get a job and a pension sharpish and start using some very robust birth control. You would be high and dry if he wanted out of your current set up.

Have you got a will? Who is your daughters guardian if you die?

If it's important to you, and long term you want to be a marital relationship for any reason you could choose then you need to take steps to leave this relationship and create the world you want.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2024 18:24

Well what can you do? There’s an argument that if you felt it was that important you’d have got married before having a child and not waited 8 years to make it a big deal.

I agree with him that frequent arguments mean your relationship isn’t good but he also sounds the type to throw endless obstacles at the idea eg cost, so I think just accept it’s not going to happen and decide whether to stay with him knowing you’ll never get married.

Cazpar · 05/02/2024 18:23

Stop hanging around. Tell him "I want to get married, it is important to me (for X Y and Z reasons). We can get married for £200 (or whatever) at the registry office and we have the money to do that. If you want to marry me, let's book it for next month and let family know. If you don't want to get married then I have to consider that the end of our relationship as it is a deal breaker for me."

Whitesapphire · 05/02/2024 18:22

If your relationship isn’t great at the moment then marriage isn’t going to solve the problems. Try working on the relationship first and getting to a happy place, then address the marriage issue.

PennySittingPretty · 05/02/2024 18:21

Don’t play games as pp suggests, you might not like the result.

PennySittingPretty · 05/02/2024 18:20

You need to decide if you can accept a relationship but never get married or if marriage is a deal breaker for you.

D1LL1GAF · 05/02/2024 18:20

Call his bluff and tell him you would rather separate if he won't commit.

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