My partner won’t marry me

If you didn't have a kid I'd leave. As you have decided to have a kid with him you need to think very carefully about what is best for your child. Do you work? I'd get into as good a financial position as you can before leaving

Ah OK, got it. I've gotten used to reading posts with no punctuation, so thought that was the case here.
@Glibe33 is he just planning to be a high earner?

OP says "He always refers back to not having any money and being able to afford to when we both work and he is a high earner." To me, this reads as when eventually they are both in work and when eventually he is a high earner. Not that he's a high earner currently.

Face it op you are in therapy already he didnt commit, you're in counselling and he's making excuses. He doesn't want to get married so it's come to terms with that or finish and find a new relationship where you share the same views on marriage and where you can be happy.
Why do you want to marry him at this point?

I'd tell him it's time to commit to marriage or get out. You're either loved or you're not.
He's a high earner, he's trying to protect his wages. You're good enough to have children with and live with, but not good enough to marry? Stand firm!

for leaving?

As I say every time this comes up -

If he wanted to be married, you would be married by now

No one should get married if they don't want to

I wouldn't want to marry someone who had to be dragged up the aisle kicking and screaming

I'd only want to marry someone who thought he was the luckiest man alive

Don't give ultimatums

But, it is reasonable to say that, whilst you respect his choice not to marry, you are now wondering whether you wish to remain in the relationship. Take some agency here. Be the master of your own ship

If he's a high earner, he has nothing to gain, you have already had his child. You have no leverage unless you are willing to leave over it.

I would be very concerned about your position though. Are you dependent on him? Do you have a decent income yourself?

If you intend to stay despite no marriage I would have a discussion about ensuring your future security e.g. wills, your name on the house deeds (even if this is a ring fenced amount) if he isn't willing to protect you with marriage then you need to start being more selfish and prepare for the worst while hoping for the best.

If he's the higher earner then he doesn't want to marry you because he wants to protect his assets and doesn't see you as a couple working together for the good of your unit. If you work part time go back full time immediately, give him the bill for the childcare and say you've taken enough of a hit for your family. Start looking out for yourself because he's not doing it for you, he's looking after number one so you must do so too.

Without his consent?

Set a date

I think that is all you can do now…

Are the arguments because of resentment building that you’re not married? If it’s a deal breaker then you have to choose between letting it ride or breaking free. It doesn’t seem fair that he asked to marry you and put an engagement ring on but not keep to set a date

He seems to have a point. If you're arguing now, why would he want to marry you?

I would not.

You need to consider you options

He's telling you he doesn't want to marry you. Financial excuse is an excuse to hide this fact.

Do you want to marry (or even stay with) a man who won't commit after 8 years and having a child together?

Do you want to then have it drag on with years of arguing and falling out until eventually he fucks off, leaving you having to start again at 40+? Because to me that looks like the way it's going.

He doesn't want to marry you, while your relationship is not happy. That is not unreasonable.

You have to decide what you want. You can stay, and work on improving the relationship, or you can leave and either be single, or look for a new partner.

Nowhere in your OP do you mention whether you love him so it's hard to say what you should do.

You already live with him.

You already have a child with him.

Why would he feel the need to get married?

If he's a high earner, it doesn't benefit him.

A) there is no point marrying someone if your relationship is in trouble.

B) He doesn’t want to marry you so if you want marriage this isn’t the relationship for you.

Well he does want to be with you because he is with you. He just doesn’t want to be married to you. As to what you should do, this is a difficult because it is closing the stable door after the horse has bolted really. All you can do is decide if you can accept not being married, or leave him and hope you meet somebody else, unfortunate that there is a child in that scenario of course.

It sounds like he is saying you are closer to breaking up than getting married. Would you be willing to try relationship counselling?

Why would you want to get married when you're not in a happy relationship?

Do you not work? Perhaps the money comment (as cheap as a wedding can be!) is showing some concerns about other things.

so he's not Mr right, he just Mr Right now? Not so much I do, but you'll do? Your relationship doesn't sound like you should even be contemplating marriage, he doesn't want to get married; just because you do, doesn't mean he has too, even if you do have kids. Whether you stay or not is another story.

Depends why you're having a lot of arguments.

If your relationship is already in a not great place then surely now is not the time to get married.