To insist DH drives us?

“The traffic. An hour plus in car vs 15 mins on tram. Plus all the one way systems in town that he's not navigated before. He doesn't really like driving at the best of times.”

I’d be inclined to say he should suck it up - learn the one way system (it’s not hard) and tough luck that he doesn’t like driving.

But… I wouldn’t tell you to suck up your medical issue and learn to drive. And I wouldn’t tell you to suck up your autism and deal with the noise.

So for me it really doesn’t depend whether he just needs some encouragement or a kick up the arse, or this is a genuine issue for me. But in general, I have a low tolerance for people saying they don’t like driving. Tough luck.

Bottom line for me is if your daughter is still able to get the most from the art therapy after the tram journey. If she doesn’t hear people being arseholes about her ear defender stickers and can just crack on with the sessions… and if he’s not generally a lazy arsehole… then I’d take the tram. I’d also look into leaving school earlier.

If this stops her therapy from being effective - then he needs to step up and be a better parent, and stop whining about one way systems 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry, just realised you said you don’t drive. I personally wouldn’t do the drive in your dhs position.

Why doesn't your dh take dd to the appointment?

With that huge difference, YABU and should take the tram.

I'd say take a taxi, then you both win

I agree, just because your husband "can" drive, doesn't mean driving where he is totally stressed. Particularly as an inexperienced driver.

I’d just tell school that you'll be collecting dc earlier and get an earlier tram. 15 minutes vs over an hour in the car ( which for an experienced driver in horrendous traffic is difficult, never mind someone who’s only been driving for a year). I take it you don’t drive op so can’t understand the anxiety your dh may have.

It sounds like this appointment just doesn't work for you all. I can completely sympathise with your DH, there are some places where I hate driving and will avoid at all costs. I will try and suck it up but it's a huge ask, especially considering you don't drive yourself (which I understand is because of medical reasons).

Can you ask to be on the waiting list for an alternative app?
In the meantime, can you try and find an alternative route for you and DD? I don't know Manc but is there an alt bus route you could take? Or a taxi?

I wouldn't be confident to get to the appointment on time if I was to drive through Manchester at rush hour. It's so stressful as well.

Take her out of school earlier, explaining it’s the only way she can be in a state to access the therapy.

If that’s really not possible (I’d push it with the school), I’d ask DH to take dd on the tram. Over an hour of stressful driving, with the risk of fines if he gets it wrong (eg crosses a bus lane too early) versus her being squashed and stressed for 15 minutes isn’t a great trade off, but if he is calm and can support her / block people from shoving her on the tram, I think it’s the least worst option.

I did wonder if you’re used to crowded public transport? There are ways to protect a child or someone wobbly on their feet using positioning and being strategic about where to stand.

Given that he's such a nervous driver, I'd take her earlier in the day so you miss the schools coming out.

I’ve been driving for over 30 years and I wouldn’t want to drive in heavy traffic in Manchester. I would ask the school to let your daughter out earlier and catch the earlier tram.

I have driven through Manchester City centre and it's not fun!

I would tell the school she needs to leave earlier and just get an earlier tram to miss the kids.

Also alternate with DH if he's off anyway.

An hour of stressful city driving Vs a 15 min tram journey - I think it is unreasonable to ask him to drive. But I think it would be reasonable to ask him to alternate doing the appointment with you.

I can see his point. Not much fun driving in cities if nervous and its an hour vs 15mn on a tram.

An hour driving in Manchester city centre traffic would be awful. I can totally see his point.

I'd suggest taking DD out of school earlier (if she's missing the last 15 minutes of school, she can miss the last 30 minutes) to avoid the high school rush.

If it's practical, I'd also suggest you alternate taking DD and picking up DS.

Driving in Manchester City centre is a nightmare so I understand your DH not wanting to do this. Non drivers don’t seem to understand the stresses with driving.

Now i think on it I found driving around London a breeze compared to Madroadchester

I have some sympathy for your husband as driving into Manchester city centre can be a nightmare at that time. Could he drop you part way in and then you either pick up the tram there or a bus?

And when you come off the slip road and go under the bridge to take a right on to Deansgate....those traffic lights....what a hoot they are 😩

I'd take her out of school earlier as suggested.

An hour plus in car vs 15 mins on tram.

Which is a massive plus. And if it was a case of sucking it up because it's so much easier, he'd be right. It's only because 15 minutes on the tram is distressing to you two that it's not easier.

But he is telling you driving for an hour in heavy traffic in a city centre is distressing for him. I think you both need to acknowledge each other's distress and work out the least worst option.

Alternatively take DD out of school 30 minutes early to miss the crowds. I have sympathy for your DH, but on the whole YANBU.

I have to say tbf to your DH, and I've been driving for 20 years and am a very confident driver, Id never in a million years drive around Manchester city centre unless there was genuinely no other option and someone's life depended on it.