Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist DH drives us?

111 replies

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 14:14

DH drives. I don't (medical reasons)

DD has an appointment at 4pm every Monday for the next 12 weeks.

The appointment is in Manchester city centre.

We live close to a tram station so last week he dropped us off there on the way to him getting DS.

It's the same time local high school gets out, 2 of them I fact, and it was absolutely RAMMED.
With teens shouting, fighting, pushing, swearing.

DD is Autistic (shes going to art therapy) and hated it.

DH can pick DS up with us in car then take us to town by 4pm but it would mean him stuck in traffic a bit and driving in Manchester town which he hates (he's only been driving a year)

But we would happily get the tram home later. I just really don't want to get it at school time as it's really distressing for DD (and me, I'm autistic too) to have all the kids screaming. Last week some kid was making comments about DDs stickers on her headphones. But she didn't hear.

DH doesn't work on a Monday. Has no other commitments and it's me that's taking DD every week and sat for 90 mins in a waiting room then getting tram home.

AIBU to tell him I really want him to drop us off?

There's no other appointment slots available and she's been waiting 2 years for this.

OP posts:
Ginandjuice57884 · 05/02/2024 16:02

I don't blame him to be honest. Driving in Manchester is a circle of hell.

Williaint · 05/02/2024 16:01

Infact I've just remembered last time i knew a job was coming up in Manchester I booked the day off so I was off the available list, waited until someone else got selected, then cancelled my holiday 🤣

Edited - very outing. Sorry Marion if you're reading this hope you enjoyed Manchester 🤣

Williaint · 05/02/2024 15:59

Testina · 05/02/2024 15:51

@Williaint I was having a good old swear driving around Leeds the other day - and hats off to you driving in Marrakech 😮‍💨

I think that a year of driving isn’t that newly qualified, and when it’s a route you are local to so can practice, and it’s to benefit an autistic child going to therapy? Then, I’m on the drippy driver eye roll. Fine if the trade off of time isn’t worth it, but I’d be ashamed of myself if after a year of driving I would let my child down just because I “didn’t like driving” - even if it was the Top 1 city in that survey!

Yea newly qualified prob wrong, inexperienced is prob what i meant.

It was only about 2 miles in Marrakech, but id rather do that with my eyes shut than do Manchester again anytime soon. whenever I have to go there for work I try every trick in the book to palm the job off on to someone else 😬

Milton Keynes also a funny old place, they do love a good roundabout there.

Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 15:58

Gangshow · 05/02/2024 15:48

Where's the appointment OP? Ancoats way? If you need to get to Market St, a lot of trams go via Piccadilly Gardens which is close by (closer than St Peter's Square anyway).

Show quote history

Yes, it is.

We got here at 3.55, time for her to sit a few mins and have a drink so I think getting the 3.15 train is best option a sits enough time.

I thought we would be late.

OP posts:
Muchof · 05/02/2024 15:58

I think the driving in Manchester at that time of day, for a relatively new driver would be awful and easily as stressful as sitting on a tram. I think you have to manage on the tram, but try to get out of school earlier still and DH and you take it in turns.

MiddleParking · 05/02/2024 15:53

Think I know where you’re going. If you can afford it, the least stressful way to do this is an Uber from near St Peter’s square (I chose to do that when I had to go there recently, despite having a car - it cost less than £6 with a tip). The second least stressful way to do it is bus from St Peter’s square if you can time that right. The most stressful possible way to do this is to drive there with another, non appointment-attending child in the car.

GasPanic · 05/02/2024 15:52

If you are an inexperienced driver driving round unfamiliar city centres isn't much fun and can be very stressful.

TBH it is not much fun even if you are an experienced driver.

Testina · 05/02/2024 15:51

@Williaint I was having a good old swear driving around Leeds the other day - and hats off to you driving in Marrakech 😮‍💨

I think that a year of driving isn’t that newly qualified, and when it’s a route you are local to so can practice, and it’s to benefit an autistic child going to therapy? Then, I’m on the drippy driver eye roll. Fine if the trade off of time isn’t worth it, but I’d be ashamed of myself if after a year of driving I would let my child down just because I “didn’t like driving” - even if it was the Top 1 city in that survey!

InAnotherLifetimeMaybe · 05/02/2024 15:51

Tbh I don't think you get to 'insist' anything

You both have things you are uncomfortable with. A taxi could be a solution

maggiecate · 05/02/2024 15:50

Agree with everyone who’s highlighting the horrible traffic in Manchester. It might benefit your husband to book a couple of lessons in the city - if you aren’t used to it city centre driving is a big jump from the suburbs. I grew up in a rural area but learned to drive in central Liverpool and it gave me a big head start over school friends.

XmasCrumble · 05/02/2024 15:49

Which tram do you get OP? And where is the art therapy session? Just wondering if a train would be better than the tram and you getting off at Piccadilly or Victoria would be better (if its still a bit of a walk from Market St)?

Gangshow · 05/02/2024 15:48

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 15:29

He's a good egg generally. A bloody good egg to be fair.

And DD is fine now that we got the later tram, she's got her headphones on with music playing.

I think I've got the wrong tram though. We have to get off at St Peters Sq. Not market street and it's a longer walk so I don't know if we're gonna make it by 4 with getting later tram.

Where's the appointment OP? Ancoats way? If you need to get to Market St, a lot of trams go via Piccadilly Gardens which is close by (closer than St Peter's Square anyway).

InAnotherLifetimeMaybe · 05/02/2024 15:47

Mynewnameis · 05/02/2024 15:09

I can see his point. Not much fun driving in cities if nervous and its an hour vs 15mn on a tram.

Yeah me too

Williaint · 05/02/2024 15:41

Testina · 05/02/2024 15:27

“The traffic. An hour plus in car vs 15 mins on tram. Plus all the one way systems in town that he's not navigated before. He doesn't really like driving at the best of times.”

I’d be inclined to say he should suck it up - learn the one way system (it’s not hard) and tough luck that he doesn’t like driving.

But… I wouldn’t tell you to suck up your medical issue and learn to drive. And I wouldn’t tell you to suck up your autism and deal with the noise.

So for me it really doesn’t depend whether he just needs some encouragement or a kick up the arse, or this is a genuine issue for me. But in general, I have a low tolerance for people saying they don’t like driving. Tough luck.

Bottom line for me is if your daughter is still able to get the most from the art therapy after the tram journey. If she doesn’t hear people being arseholes about her ear defender stickers and can just crack on with the sessions… and if he’s not generally a lazy arsehole… then I’d take the tram. I’d also look into leaving school earlier.

If this stops her therapy from being effective - then he needs to step up and be a better parent, and stop whining about one way systems 🤷🏻‍♀️

Manchester voted 5 in the top 10 stressful cities to drive in according to comparethemarket.

It's honestly not the best place for a newly qualified driver to navigate. I'm also pretty eye rolly at drippy drivers but Manchester city centre roads are like the wild west. Driving in Marrakech was less stressful and that's literally a free for all 🤣

RandomMess · 05/02/2024 15:40

Can you get an Uber from the tram stop?

I think the journey could take even longer through the 3-4pm slot.

Sharksarescary · 05/02/2024 15:39

I’d pay for a taxi. Does DD receive any benefits for her condition?

Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 15:36

Testina · 05/02/2024 15:30

Well that resolved itself quickly 😀
15:15 team which takes 15 mins, but a 16:00 appointment? Am I missing something? Is there a bit of a walk after the tram?

Show quote history

Yes, but it's 15 mins into town but the place is just outside of town so a 20 min walk but DD likes to get there early to have a few mins before she goes in. And the tram isn't always there immediately.

OP posts:
Testina · 05/02/2024 15:35

@ilovepuppies2019 being in traffic that you're can't navigate and realised that an accident might be coming feels like having a panic attack. It's overwhelming. If he does get overwhelmed then he might well have a serious accident

Are you joking?!!!

He’s been driving for a year and this is their local area - so he has all the time in the world to check out this one way system at a quiet time to practise it.

It’s normal to have a bit of stress (not Stress) at traffic and deadlines. But what you describe? If that’s how someone feels, they should stop driving until they’ve had more lessons and possibly CBT. What your describing is pretty extreme, it’s not normal at all.

Cherry8809 · 05/02/2024 15:32

Stressed for 1 hr vs stressed for 15 mins?
Seems like a bit of a no-brainer to me.

Take her out of school a little earlier and catch an earlier tram.

Testina · 05/02/2024 15:30

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 15:23

We were late and got on tram at 3.15 and there's no school kids. So hopefully we still get to the appointment by 4 cause if that works out I'll just to get a 3.15 tram. I think the kids finish at 2.45 so by now they've all left.

Well that resolved itself quickly 😀
15:15 team which takes 15 mins, but a 16:00 appointment? Am I missing something? Is there a bit of a walk after the tram?

littlefireseverywhere · 05/02/2024 15:30

Can you pick up your daughter earlier from school maybe just 10 minutes and then you’ll miss all the teenagers?

Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 15:29

He's a good egg generally. A bloody good egg to be fair.

And DD is fine now that we got the later tram, she's got her headphones on with music playing.

I think I've got the wrong tram though. We have to get off at St Peters Sq. Not market street and it's a longer walk so I don't know if we're gonna make it by 4 with getting later tram.

OP posts:
ilovepuppies2019 · 05/02/2024 15:29

You're being totally unreasonable. If you don't drive then it's hard to understand but being in traffic that you're can't navigate and realised that an accident might be coming feels like having a panic attack. It's overwhelming. If he does get overwhelmed then he might well have a serious accident which is much worse consequence than DD being too stressed to engage in therapy (which is very bad, don't get me wrong). If he's only been driving for a year then he probably can't do this. Accept this and take him driving off the table. You and your DH need to find another way to get to the appointment. I would pick her up earlier.

WhamBamThankU · 05/02/2024 15:28

Difference 🙄

WhamBamThankU · 05/02/2024 15:27

I think you need to be sensitive to the fact driving in Manchester is very stressful. Of course he also needs to be sensitive to your DD's and your needs, but the two journeys aren't comparable given the massive different in time. Seems like you've found a solution if the 3.15 tram is less busy though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread