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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist DH drives us?

111 replies

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 14:14

DH drives. I don't (medical reasons)

DD has an appointment at 4pm every Monday for the next 12 weeks.

The appointment is in Manchester city centre.

We live close to a tram station so last week he dropped us off there on the way to him getting DS.

It's the same time local high school gets out, 2 of them I fact, and it was absolutely RAMMED.
With teens shouting, fighting, pushing, swearing.

DD is Autistic (shes going to art therapy) and hated it.

DH can pick DS up with us in car then take us to town by 4pm but it would mean him stuck in traffic a bit and driving in Manchester town which he hates (he's only been driving a year)

But we would happily get the tram home later. I just really don't want to get it at school time as it's really distressing for DD (and me, I'm autistic too) to have all the kids screaming. Last week some kid was making comments about DDs stickers on her headphones. But she didn't hear.

DH doesn't work on a Monday. Has no other commitments and it's me that's taking DD every week and sat for 90 mins in a waiting room then getting tram home.

AIBU to tell him I really want him to drop us off?

There's no other appointment slots available and she's been waiting 2 years for this.

OP posts:
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RedHelenB · 11/06/2024 14:26

I think it's unreasonable given ges only passed his test a year and doesn't feel confident doing the journey. You could both wear noise cancelling earphones.

tkwal · 11/06/2024 14:06

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/06/2024 16:28

And a Time Machine considering this happened in February.

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I really need to check dates on posts before replying !

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/06/2024 16:28

tkwal · 09/06/2024 16:09

Get a taxi./uber. Some trusts allow you to claim back most of the cost of getting to and from appointmenrts. There are also places where community or volunteer transport is available

And a Time Machine considering this happened in February.

tkwal · 09/06/2024 16:09

Get a taxi./uber. Some trusts allow you to claim back most of the cost of getting to and from appointmenrts. There are also places where community or volunteer transport is available

rong · 06/02/2024 16:28

I also would never drive in Manchester City centre

FarmGirl78 · 06/02/2024 11:09

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 14:52

The traffic. An hour plus in car vs 15 mins on tram. Plus all the one way systems in town that he's not navigated before. He doesn't really like driving at the best of times.

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I've been driving nearly 30 years, I've driven all over Europe, I've driven left hand drive cars, over driven up mountain tracks in Spain, I've driven the 2400 mile round trip to Sweden and back. All fine, absolutely love driving. But driving into Manchester city centre at that time of day and I end up tears every time. It's just VILE! Junctions are signposted AT the junction and not before, the lanes are ridiculously narrow, with really short slip roads and merging lanes. Your OH has only been driving a year - I very much feel for him. Could a grandparent drive you? Would ear plugs help you? Is there a more convoluted but quieter route you could take? Train and a bit of a walk to chill rather than taking a tram to right nearby? I wouldn't wish driving in Machester city centre on anyone.

Sharksarescary · 06/02/2024 09:36

Does your DD get any disability payments for her condition and you do you get PIP for yours? These payments are suppose to help pay for taxis etc to help you in these situations.

shepherdsangeldelight · 06/02/2024 07:45

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 21:12

I'm not being derogatory about his anxiety, I'm referring to you acting like them sat in traffic for an hour would be traumatising. He spends plenty of time in traffic when it suits his needs.

And he doesn't have anxiety in the way DD and I does. He's never driven there before so he's obviously wary of not knowing the one way system but he's driven miles away on motorways to pick up items for his hobbies and driven all around Salford and Trafford. He's not very experienced but I don't feel he lacks confidence.

The issue of driving in Manchesters one way systems is a different issue to the boredom of traffic.

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OP - you seem unable to realise that this post pointing out that DH is fine in other traffic systems in different conditions is exactly the same as someone pointing out that your DD happily gets the tram at other, non busy times of day, so what exactly is the problem?

This thead is full of people telling you that Manchester city centre rush hour traffic is absolutely awful and stressful. The fact that he can happily drive in other situations is irrelevant.

I am an experienced driver but I would avoid Mcr city centre in rush hour if there was any reasonable alternative like the one you've found - simply getting a tram at a different time.

5foot5 · 05/02/2024 22:37

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 21:51

Why are you all still going on about it when I said hours and hours ago that getting the 3.15 tram was free of school kids and that's what we're going to do?

But you still seem unhappy about taking the busy tram home and are minimizing the stress your DH will undoubtedly feel driving in Manchester City Centre at that time. It's not as simple as being "stuck in traffic"

DH is a confident and experienced driver and has been driving more than 40 years. He does a lot of motorway driving and has driven in several other countries, motorways and cities.

We live not far from Manchester and, until a few years ago, he would often drive us in to the city centre at the weekend for a day out. However it seems to have got steadily harder and harder to get around and for a while now we have given up trying altogether. We always get the tram or the train instead.

SallyWD · 05/02/2024 22:01

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 21:51

Why are you all still going on about it when I said hours and hours ago that getting the 3.15 tram was free of school kids and that's what we're going to do?

OK! Sorry for responding to your original post and not reading the other 4 pages of responses.

Mumof2teens79 · 05/02/2024 22:01

I have been driving 20yrs and I hate and will do anything to avoid driving in town (Manchester City centre)
But I also understand the tram can be intimidating and uncomfortable.

Agree with others, travel before the high-school kicks out...or drive to the next stop or one after.

Oneigeishma · 05/02/2024 21:57

OP I know it's sorted but at least you live near a tram. If you think that's bad try getting the bus or train!
Also some of us are definitely using this thread to complain about how much we hate Manchester city driving, me included. I've driven in Liverpool during Eurovision and it wasn't that bad.
Manchester is full of traps. People weaving in and out on bikes, random bus lane fines, yellow lines everywhere so very few places to stop. Parking would definitely cost you a lot more if he drove. Only in Manchester have I managed to drive up a narrow road to the back of a row of bars with a long line of cars behind me, get caught in a private parking lot with a grate that clanged down, and get more than one bus lane fine (appealed!)... have never gotten into trouble anywhere else although I guess London is similar.

Having said that, if you're going to be going there frequently might do him well to get some practice... who knows what else you might want to do in the city centre. I tend to drive at night as the 10:30 train home is too early for me.

I've driven

Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 21:51

Why are you all still going on about it when I said hours and hours ago that getting the 3.15 tram was free of school kids and that's what we're going to do?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/02/2024 21:49

He's an inexperienced driver who doesn't want to drive through hell. That's alright.

Get a taxi there or take it in turns.

SallyWD · 05/02/2024 21:46

I've been driving 15 years but would still absolutely hate to drive around Manchester city centre. I'd be so anxious. For that reason I think you need to find another solution.

Sirzy · 05/02/2024 21:29

Motorway driving is a whole different ball game to city centre driving!

MichelleScarn · 05/02/2024 21:20

The issue of driving in Manchesters one way systems is a different issue to the boredom of traffic.
I'm lost now! So many posters are saying its horrific driving in Manchester at this time. So it's not about them 'being bored'....
But with And he doesn't have anxiety in the way DD and I does. So it's not just dds issues re the tram.

Think horrendously unfair and selfish of you playing anxiety top trumps.

Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 21:12

MichelleScarn · 05/02/2024 20:31

But the whole threads about you and dd not wanting to be in the situation of getting the tram so why so derogatory about dh and his anxiety re driving?

I'm not being derogatory about his anxiety, I'm referring to you acting like them sat in traffic for an hour would be traumatising. He spends plenty of time in traffic when it suits his needs.

And he doesn't have anxiety in the way DD and I does. He's never driven there before so he's obviously wary of not knowing the one way system but he's driven miles away on motorways to pick up items for his hobbies and driven all around Salford and Trafford. He's not very experienced but I don't feel he lacks confidence.

The issue of driving in Manchesters one way systems is a different issue to the boredom of traffic.

OP posts:
Mariposistaaa · 05/02/2024 21:12

He should be doing 1/2 of the sessions.

MichelleScarn · 05/02/2024 20:31

But the whole threads about you and dd not wanting to be in the situation of getting the tram so why so derogatory about dh and his anxiety re driving?

Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 19:48

'put them through the situation' of driving in a warm, comfortable car? How ever will they get over it.

Give over. I agree it's not ideal. The tram isn't ideal either but it's hardly some awful fate they'll need therapy for.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 19:46

MichelleScarn · 05/02/2024 19:33

Did you not say an hour in the car? I just think its a bit of a shame you'll put dh and ds into this situation. Is it for dd or really you? Did you not say earlier she didn't even notice people commenting on her headphones?

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He said it would be an hour with traffic.

DD didn't notice kids making mean comments about her headphones because she managed to get a window seat and was curled up with her music on and eyes closed to try and drown out the noise.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 05/02/2024 19:33

Woozywoozer · 05/02/2024 18:08

Not really. It's 20 mins in the car says satnav. Picking DS up 3.15, even if we double it to 40 mins because of traffic we should be there same time as tram gets us there.

But it doesn't matter now.

But leaving town at 5.30 was hell. No kids but packed like sardines.

I really hate the bloody things.

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Did you not say an hour in the car? I just think its a bit of a shame you'll put dh and ds into this situation. Is it for dd or really you? Did you not say earlier she didn't even notice people commenting on her headphones?

Sirzy · 05/02/2024 19:24

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/02/2024 19:19

But Liverpool is completely different to Manchester. I live near one and go to the other every week and I would drive in Liverpool any day compared to Manchester.

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I agree. Driving in Liverpool city centre is a piece of cake compared to Manchester!

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/02/2024 19:19

maggiecate · 05/02/2024 15:50

Agree with everyone who’s highlighting the horrible traffic in Manchester. It might benefit your husband to book a couple of lessons in the city - if you aren’t used to it city centre driving is a big jump from the suburbs. I grew up in a rural area but learned to drive in central Liverpool and it gave me a big head start over school friends.

But Liverpool is completely different to Manchester. I live near one and go to the other every week and I would drive in Liverpool any day compared to Manchester.