AIBU to be upset by my mum’s “jokes”?

OP the comment about money in front of family when you were struggling shows you all you need to know: she doesn't have your back. I do think she may be a narcissist, as that's sheer nastiness. I could never treat my DC like this (2 older teens amongst them- who make their mistakes & I'm there to pick up the pieces/ love them/ guide them/ help them, as well as celebrate all the good they do.)

I was so lucky to have the most wonderful mam in the world, who would now be a lot older than your mother- so it's definitely not, as PP suggest, generational: you get arseholes in every generation.

This is not a joke or funny in any way. This is bullying, child abuse and malicious behaviour on her part. This can damage your child and as you said he might grow up to mistrust you. I would out right tell her to stop it's not funny. If she carries on she shouldn't be around the child. Goodness knows what she is saying yo him out of your earshot

I called this one completely wrong! Assumed the op would be told she was being way too sensitive. Instead we have the mum being called dense, stupid, narcissistic and calls for low contact.

You have to just laugh at mumsnet sometimes.

You are the mom, FGS! Your mother sounds awful and mentally unwell.

Time to tell your mom she needs to stop with that stuff and if she does it again, she will not be allowed to visit your child. She is vicious and will surely taint your child's opinion of you. I hope you don't need her for child care.

Omg she sounds sooooo annoying.
How do you tolerate her for long period.

I mean you can be like.me and just get it out there and say that's not cool, chill out with such "jokes" not appropriate.

I wouldn't be worried it 15 months but around 18/20months it might cause issues. Repeating things etc.

Sounds like my mil who I can’t stand the sight of now. Sorry to hear it :(

I think if its once here and there I could let it go but definitely not all the time. My nephew once fell over right next to me and BIL said 'oh did auntie push you over, naughty auntie'. I just laughed, it didnt bother me because I understand some people joke like that, its a joke as old as time. But if my own mum used it to keep undermining me I definitely wouldnt let it continue. If shes doing it so often then there's likely an ulterior motive. Id agree that it sounds like jealousy, she wants your DC to feel like she is the safe place in the room and not you. Speak to her right away next time it happens and cut it out now before DC starts repeating it.

Oh my life what a load of rubbish. All of my family would say “oh did mommy pinch you?!” “Did aunty…pinch you” if a baby started to cry while they were being held. It’s clearly a joke as if she thought that was actually happening wouldn’t make the comment in such a way! I think it’s a generational thing as my parents and aunts and uncles would do it, but it’s not something I or my sisters/friends would say. It’s clearly trying to make light of a situation where a child is crying. FFS.

Sorry you went through that too. My mother also never failed to tell me that I was a mistake and I always felt guilty just for being alive. Like I owed her a debt I could never pay off.

I felt instantly liberated once I went NC. It was as if I'd been given a new identity. Glad you're doing OK now cruise.

This sounds awful. I have had similar commentary from my mum. I particularly dislike references to smacking for being naughty, even if it's just a joke and aimed at the parent not the child. That's not what happens when we're "naughty" anymore.

This 100 per cent. It’s narcissistic behaviour and she is jealous of you. I had this for years being introduced to my mothers “friends” as l was her “mistake”.

so,after many years of upset and soul searching l went NC. My MH improved instantly. She needs to learn that she can’t say things like that. Good luck 🤞

She sounds bloody awful OP

Go LC / NC

I would have one serious conversation with her, quoting the quotes you have here and telling her exactly why it’s unacceptable and it has to stop

i would also say that if she does make those comments she will be asked to leave immediately if at yours, or you will leave if at hers, and mean it

She sounds horrible - do you have to spend so much time with her?

It's funny isn't it why our mothers are doing this as mine does it too. A couple of times I've told her to wind it in. She stops for a while and then it restarts again though. My little one loves being tipped upside down and swung around, so when I do it my mum comes out with comments like 'what's mummy doing, she's horrible isn't she!' in a baby talk voice. Can't figure out for the life of me why she needs to do it 50 times a day. Little one still quite young so I'm not too worried that he's going to actually start thinking that I'm a horrible mother, but I had a rough pregnancy and try really hard to be a good mum to him so I don't like the insinuation that I'm not!

@ginasevern has put it perfectly.
If she makes out it was a joke or suggests you're being sensitive. Don't rise to it. Hold her gaze and repeat: "if you continue to try and undermine me. I will not spend time with you"

It's all about tone of voice at that age rather than words (so he may very well assosiates what she says with synpathy/concern but not understand "your to blame" mentality) but it sounds stupid if your already quite anxious/attentive so your not unreasonable to tell her to stop & enforce it

OP, your mum is jealous. She wants to be number 1 in your child's affections and the best way to do that is to make him not like you very much. It's deliberate brainwashing.

I had similar shit with my mother around my child and other things. She seemed to like to make a fool of me, especially when other people were around. It's because she wanted them to like her more than me and think she was oh so clever. It's sad really but it had a huge impact on me all my life.

Sit her down and calmly tell her that if she doesn't stop you will go no contact with her. Don't lose your temper but look her straight in the eyes and mean every word you say.

Your mum is being tiresome. I remember the “what’s mummy doing to you” comments when mine were young. Elderly aunt that never had children of her own.

You are taking it too much to heart. However children are very literal and repeat what they hear. We used to call our 3rd bedroom the cupboard as it was extremely small. Roll on to me being pregnant with Dc2. Dd1 happily informed nursery school that when the baby comes it will be put in the cupboard.

I agree that this is her weird way of trying to build a special relationship with her grandson. Exactly why it has to involve putting you down, I don’t know. It sounds OTT and very passive aggressive.

Btw I have been the butt of “mean mummy!” comments before, but the difference between that and what you’re experiencing is there was no malicious subtext and I found it amusing too.

I think you need to be short with her - “God Mum, pack it in! You say this stuff all the time!”

She is an utter twat. Tell her the comments stop or you won’t be taking DS to see her anymore.