AIBU to be upset by my mum’s “jokes”?

In short she is trying to exclude you from the relationship. You are getting in the way!!

She actually called you a bitch to your son? That's disgusting.

I can't believe some people are suggesting no contact over this! How silly!

OP I don't think you mention actually asking your mum to stop? Just say to her 'I know you're only joking around but now DS is getting older we have to start thinking about what he's hearing and that I'm his safe place and wouldn't hurt him, also imagine if he repeated it at nursery!' In a light hearted manner, no need for a big serious chat unless she carries on.
I'd also stop the 'naughty mummy, smack her bum' right away imagine if he picks that up.

If she does it again then be more stern and if she does it again then I'd be asking her to leave if she can't respect your wishes.
You've let this turn into a habit which isn't ideal, any behaviour that annoys you in the future nip it in the bud straight away. I've got friends who Darent say boo to the grandparents because they 'babysit for free'. It's ok to set boundaries, if you don't set them clearly it's harder to push back when they are broken

She sounds utterly foul. Could you limit contact? (I get why no contact would be difficult)

I too would find this extremely irritating! My MIL did the same when my dc were small. Constantly having digs at me by talking baby talk to the kids

• "ah is your mummy starving you? Tell her you want a bottle" (breastfed)
• "oh I know, your so hungry.. tell mummy you want some proper food" (3 months old)

She's planting false memories in him and he will grow up believing you're abusing him.

Put a stop to it IMMEDIATELY.

My mums done this too... the only way she's learned is when I flipped it on her... soon shut her up

If she won't stop after you ask get to I would fight fire with fire
"Ooo did mummy push you over? She did! I saw her!"

"No I didn't. Did I dc. Silly grandma is a bit doddery and confused. She can't see straight can she. Poooor grandma. We're going to have to put her into a home" pull fake sad face.

Imagine him starting school and repeating what she says! ‘Mummy pushed me over’, ‘Mummy made me fall over’ etc. Either call her out on it or limit contact.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I would probably tell a little white lie and tell her he repeated it to someone like "my mummy hurts me." So can she stop with the jokes as you're nervous he'll repeat it and it will cause trouble.

I would call her out too. If your son goes to nursery with a bruise or graze and repeats your mum’s words “Mummy hurt me” instead of “I bumped into mummy by accident because I was running” then you could end up with staff being suspicious of your parenting.
Plus if he’s unaware of the idea of accidents or even things being his fault then he could end up struggling with friendships if he accuses others of hurting him. At some point you will probably have to chat to him about lying is wrong and you don’t want your mum confusing that boundary.
You don’t want to be in a situation where you minimise his account of being hurt because your mum has created this false idea that accidents don’t happen and you assume that his account is exaggerated or inaccurate. Little kids misconstrue things sometimes but someone hurting him is serious.

Either way it sounds like you need to drastically reduce contact so that her behaviour has less effect on you and your son. It’s nasty and bizarre

She sounds utterly awful, who behaves in that way to their child who is going through a hard time. I would call her out on it and limit contact and should she not stop doing it then don't see her until she apologises, Is your Dad still around? What does he think?

It's only a joke if both people find it funny.

This is something I have had to point out to my family after similar dynamics.

She's undermining you as a parent and at some point your child will become aware of it. How are you supposed to be the parental figure if you are being told it's your fault and you need a smack. It's also very passive aggressive talking through a child. My ex mil use to do it it drove me mad. I felt like it was jealousy, competing for dd affection.

I'd nip it in bud, point out she's doing it and tell her it needs to stop as she's undermining you. Tell her every time she does it.

She does love my DS and gets offended when he wants to come to me instead of her.

Jesus. Awful woman.

It's normal for a child to come to his mum (or dad) if upset.

I'd be going low contact. Your son will be damaged by this weird woman if you don't.

My DM did the same when my twins were born, constant jokes and digs about how I was doing everything wrong and they obviously preferred her. It’s one of the many reason I’m low contact with her now - I realised that I’d been the butt of her jokes for my whole life, always about how incompetent I am and what an inconvenience my existence is to her. it wasn’t until I had my own kids that I realised her behaviour wasn’t ok.

Talking to her didn’t help, she’d either laugh and tell me to get a sense of humour, or play the victim and get upset about how she “can’t say anything right”. So now we don’t really talk.

OP, I noticed in your opening post you said you’re “quite sensitive”. I’d put money on it that you’re not, and this is just what your mum’s always told you, to manipulate you into accepting her shitty behaviour.

My mum does the same! Not just 'jokes' but she puts me down constantly in front of my child. I absolutely hate it. I pointed it out to her and she got very defensive. To be honest, I've limited the time my child spends with her as I don't want them listening to the way she speaks to me and about me. However, she has offered to help with childcare (which is a little unaffordable for us) so now I am wondering what to do.

She's trying to alienate DS so that he does start to feel that you're doing these things on purpose, and then she hopes to sail in and be the preferred 'parent'.

I don't think this is something DS should be exposed to, and do you really want him to be exposed to someone who behaves this way? Who makes herself the centre of attention by belittling others? It's fine to distance yourself, and if you do it's also fine to remember (and to tell her if necessary) that it's her behaviour that's caused it. I find her behaviour at best nasty and at worst sinister.

She sounds jealous of you and is being passive aggressive towards you to make herself feel better. I think you need to spend less time with her but explain to her that it's unacceptable.

Just tell her to shut up, and have a row. Repeat until she stops or you get tired of her and chuck her out. She’s being horrible @Thunderbird7 you don’t have to put up with it..

My mum was a bit like this- she wanted my DS to prefer her to me, insisted she'd had the first smile, heard the first word and it was Nana.

Your mum has really overstepped with her 'bad mummy' comments and you need to call her out and cut down the time you spend with her.

I think all her self-esteem comes from putting other people down and making it seem like she’s the only competent one.

Don’t waste a single minute more of your life trying to make sense of your mum and her actions. She’s a spiteful narcissist.

She called you a bitch?!

OP your mother sounds really annoying and actually pretty nasty with the comment about money. It's horrible to keep putting you down. She's supposed to be supporting you and have your back.

The odd occasion is a (rubbish) joke but to to it constantly needs stopping.