Children on Ipads in restaurants

@Futb0l I agree - for my kids it's about taking them to age appropriate places where food is served quickly (so cafes are ideal). I won't take them to fancier places just yet as I will be too stressed thinking about the other diners.

Yanbu op. I have two young kids and have never in my life taken an ipad to a restaurant and we often get compliments about their behaviour. Key is:

• taking them to age appropriate places, e.g. that are likely to have suitable high chairs, menus with child friendly options, don't take hours for food to arrive
• eating at a suitable time for children
• having reasonable expectations based on age - no, a 3 year old isn't going sit eating/talking for more than 30 mins or so, so lingering over a lengthy meal is a rather selfish move by adults
• talk to them! Engage them in looking at the menu. Offer tastes of your food especially if it's more adventurous than their choice. Play i spy or rock paper scissors.

As the parent of a kid with ASD and ADHD I find you to be really ignorant and judgemental of other parents.

My kid can't stay still between mouthfuls of food, let alone for a whole meal, even at home but espwcially out and about. My kid takes over an hour to eat something basic like a pasty at home, a restaurant meal can take over 2 hours. Having a screen (on silent or with headphones) helps them to focus, stops them running around, reduces their stimming. As a family we barely get to eat out due to the stress of managing this. Having people like you looking over, tutting etc really doesn't help. Yes the kids DO notice your behaviour towards them in restaurants and it does make them feel uncomfortable. My child ends up hiding in the toilets of a restaurant for 40+ mins because of it.

Please have some kindness rather than looking down on families who use screens whilst out and about. You have no idea of their situation.

At home we have a rule no iPads or phones allowed at the dinner table (husband is the worst culprit) but on holiday I honestly just wana relax & have 30mins peace so I do stick my kids in Front of an iPad at a restaurant. Otherwise a.) if it’s a buffet by the time I’ve sorted & helped my kids with getting their dinner they have 1/2 eaten by the time I’ve went back for my plate & sat down, then I have to inhale mine before they want me back up or are moaning about god knows what. Or b.) how long everything is taking, when will it be here etc

so yes on holiday for that part of the day, when we eat, I am a “lazy parent” i turn on the iPad but since we’re on holiday & I am with the little angels 24/7 am sure whatever conversation we would normally have had at the table can be had afterwards instead when instead of cleaning up and loading dishes I am completely free to chat away 😀

It’s sad, isn’t it?

@Tatonka yes so true! A frightening thought indeed ...

Imagine what kids now will be like as adults! I went out yesterday and saw all three people on their phones, so depressing!

And yes I do agree with the comments upthread that I see more adults on their phones in restaurants than kids on devices!

When we first started taking my toddler to cafes and restaurants many moons ago, we used to give him a phone to watch cartoons so we could eat in peace. A few months later, we decided to do without them. We would take it in turns to eat while one of us would take our child outside to run around (away from other diners obvs, so in the garden etc). As time went on he got better at sitting down for meals, we now have 3 kids with 4th on the way and whenever we go out for meals together the kids will sit with their drawing / colouring pads, or we engage them with chats. We never stay too long and at this point we don't go to 'nice' fancy places (kids still small and yes they will disturb other diners). Depending on the circumstances, I think kids can sit nicely at meal times in public as long as they are engaged in some way (chats with parents, books, colouring). They do get used to doing colouring in restaurants.

However, IMO it is just not possible for the vast majority of kids under the age of 6 to just sit quietly at the table for 1 hour with zero engagement whilst parents chat to their friends. It is not going to happen. And that's when the devices come out.

What I find interesting is its the kids who are always planted in front of a screen that are generally the brats as well. There does appear to be a direct correlation.

And maybe while sitting there stewing silently in your dislike of our behaviour, you could allow some alternative thoughts to flit across your brain. How about "gosh, that young man is really enjoying whatever it is he is watching, I wonder what it is?". Or "golly, what a quiet, well-behaved young man, with such nice table manners". Or even "what a nice laugh that boy has". Try it some time.

People care because of threads like this, saying they're lazy blah blah

How do you feel about the teaching bashing threads?

Do they upset you?

OK so you don't hate my behaviour now, just dislike it. That's OK, then I suppose.

And I didn't get the memo that having a child with disabilities means that I am not allowed to have normal feelings and to care and potentially be hurt by what people think about us.

@doilooklikeicare

Like I said, I'm not going to say anything to anybody about their parenting when I'm out with my family for a meal. I just notice. And I dislike what I see. Because after being a teacher for almost twenty years I can see the decline in children's social skills, attention span and general behaviour.

If your child is genuinely ND, why would you care what someone else posts on MN. You know what you have to do to get through the day and make life a little easier for you and your family. I am not in any way referring to these families.

I don't believe that people going around thinking nasty things about other people who are just getting on with their own lives and disturbing no-one, even if they don't express the nasty thoughts at the time (but do, as you have just done, express them later on the internet) is a very healthy state of affairs.

I'd like to say I just don't care that you and others are sitting there judging me, and hating my son for having the audacity to want to eat in the same restaurant as you while also being autistic. I certainly won't show you that I care when you see me there. But I do. It hurts.

@canonlydoblue well if you hate seeing my son enjoying his lunch then I don't find that a whole lot better, I am afraid. Maybe we should just stay indoors permanently so you don't have to witness such hateful scenes. Or may maybe you could just get on with your own lunch and stop looking at us?

Until you stir up a whole hate thread or add to it like OP, which makes people feel shit...

@doilooklikeicare

sorry you don't understand,
doilooklikeicare? no

So when you hate seeing it, how do you decide if the child is ND or not!? In order to to hide your very probable judgment and come on MN, like the OP has to bath those parents?

And if others parent differently to you, why does it upset you so much? Get on with your day, unless the children are being abused.

I didn't realise how ignorant and small minded people are till I read this post. What business is it of anyone else to judge others. Some.parents are for sure guilty of tablets or phones being babysitters for their kids but not everyone! My son is Autistic and has ADHD and Sensory processing disorder he can't sit for 5mins without moving about or making noises (stimming) because he's excited about his food coming and he cant handle his surroundings from start to finish it takes about 45-60mins for a sit down meal as we are a family of six. So he has his tablet as it keeps him calm and regulated then he's able to eat his food without this he wouldn't eat his food. He he would disrupt us and everyone else by shouting flapping his arms running jumping and it would end up in a meltdown which if you think a meltdown is a temper tantrum then your wrong its a whole other level so would you rather that? Then you would moan about that too! How about you keep your nose out of what others do its non of your business!

@theDudesmummy

No you've misunderstood. My first comment said I hated seeing it, not that I hated the people doing it. I also clarified in my second comment that I wasn't talking about ND individuals.

@happyfishcoco sorry to be a snowflake but I do find it offensive to be called a lazy parent and to be told my child and I are worthy of being hated...

@theDudesmummy

Would it matter if I saw you out? I'm not going to come over and say anything to you. I would think it and we'd both go about our day unaffected. Win win!

I think parents who do performance parenting out at mealtimes to be really annoying…
”Oscar, Maddie, yes of course you can have some more asparagus with your hake, what did you say? Can you have some Coca Cola? Darlings that’s literally poison don’t be ridiculous.”

Far more than the parents with kids on their iPads. Unless they have the volume on loud on Paw Patrol, THEN that’s annoying even more annoying.

Usually I’m on the table in between both wishing I’d never gone on holiday! 😂

exactly!
I saw some parents feed iPad to their 6-month-old. Does a baby really need this?

people always find things offensive and escalated.