Children on Ipads in restaurants

Well said. It's the difference between being active and passive. It's surprisingly people don't realise things. Also, many children's shows are based on pokie machines with the same kinds of lights, sounds and instant gratification.

There’s some classic mixed messages here. Is the issue the electronic device or the not interacting? They are fundamentally different things. I said in a different reply would the issue be the same if the child engrossed in a book? I very much doubt it, but the issue of a lack of interaction is still there. My parents will often bemoan everyone on their phones in society but then sit reading the paper on the sofa for 2 hours…it’s the same thing, just via a different medium.

My child can regulate her emotions very well thanks. Just not on tablet as she doesn't have it often enough to learn. And I wouldn't want her to have it regularly as it's not good for children.

Never to the same level.
To make a physical puzzle a child needs to be able to physically manipulate a puzzle piece .
Knowing how to turn it to fit is. So it's something we call analysis and synthesis and spatial orientation etc . But not only do they need their brains for that, but also hand skills to manipulate the object. It also builds neuronal pathways by eye hand coordination . Coordinating what my brain thinks and translating it into movement . On the ipad it's instant. Normally you press on the puzzle piece and press ons the place you want it to go to. And that is just one example. You work in a 3d plane physically. On an ipad it's 1 dimensional .

We also know that kids learn better through physical movement. So if I have a kid struggling with shapes I would never show them shapes over and over and try to get them to memorize it that way.
I would for example draw it out on the ground and have them walk the shape. Or make the shape with playdough. Etc.

And then I haven't started with the instant gratification that these so called 'educational games' have. Remember they're designed to make the kid keep playing. So they try to make it as instant and fun as possible. Which messes with loads of things. Frustration tolerance, delayed gratification, the dopamine reward system etc.

If they're anything like my kids then when they've been on the go busy all day they are absolutely knackered. If you've spent all day interacting with them not only the parents but the children need some down time. Maybe just maybe the kids need to rest too and if they have to sit at a dinner table there are very limited things for them to unwind with!

So many people forget that kids are humans too. The expectation on children to not show how they're feeling or expressing when they do not want to do something is crazy. As adults we've had time to learn what's acceptable or not and nobody bats an eyelid when we do something or say no to something. I'll agree that some families might overuse screen time but for the majority of people it's because they're in tune with their child's needs and know when they're just need to relax and forced into something. Parents will get judged either way and it has nothing to do with their ability to be a good parent.

@Snowpaw are there not games on iPads etc that offer those skills to be practised? Puzzles and things like that?

I think you are mixing 2 points .

It's nog 'good' for any child.

What you can say is that one child handles the transition away from the ipad. That is definitely true. Your kid may not have hard time getting off. Another kids may.
So one handles it better, but you certainly can't make the argument that screen time is beneficial for some children and not for others.

@Ohhbaby

It's not good for that poster, who cannot get her child to stop having tantrums when it's taken away. That's an example of why it's not good for that particular child.

For other children whose parents don't have that issue and can regulate emotions, sensible amount of screen time that's suitable for the individual child is fine. Assuming it's not causing issues.

The difference is that card games require active participation from the child. They require conversation skills, thinking skills and decision making. Its an activity that can involve the whole group at the table. Its a social activity. A book helps them practice reading and requires concentration. You put the stuff away when the meal comes and then you focus on the meal and have a chat.

A kid flicking between endless brightly coloured videos on Youtube while their food is on the table is just passively absorbing content that is designed to draw them in and get them hooked. It requires no thought, concentration or skill on their part. It separates them from the rest of their social environment.

What do you mean?
So for one baby it's beneficial to not his his body physically and be propped up in front of a screen?
And for another it would be detrimental? I don't understand?
How do you ensure your children are the ones screens are good for?

@periodiclabel

Do let it go, this thread is not all about you and your son – you have special circumstances and people acknowledge that and have no issue with it. They are talking about a more general problem in society.

Except that isn't true, is it? Read the thread.

And just how are people on this thread going to know, when you see us out and about, or god forbid, at the next table in a restaurant, whether to judge us, hate us, think we are "common" (whatever that means), and label me as a lazy "bad" parent, OR whether we have "special circumstances" and so get a pass?

And in any case, @Futb0l thinks we shouldn't be in the restaurant anyway, in case my son feels "uncomfortable", and just in case I am getting some "adult" benefit from having a nice lunch with a person I love. (I sure as hell know who feels uncomfortable about his being in the restaurant, and it aint him).

BTW, I would love some for you people to meet my other children, with their common, lazy, bad parent and all. You would be quite surprised.

@conviviality it's not good for some children .... end of.

Some parents are able to ensure their children don't have tantrums because something comes to an end, they can teach their children to regulate their emotions.

Wouldn't happen because it's for 20 mins in my own home. But if someone did come round and see it I would explain she only has X mins left and tell them to get ready for a tantrum when I tell her to give it to me!

It is not good for children. End of.

Ok, then all adults have to agree not to whine about kids being unsettled/noisy etc while they are learning. And since you don’t know what age/how many times a kid has rated out then you basically cannot complain about behaviour so kids have a chance to learn.

and teaching them at home, while a good start isn’t an alternative. Restaurants are not the same environment as home, and you don’t have to wait for meals and such, so the only way to learn is by being out.

so how’s that for radical - adults stop being to parents and children

So, how do you feel about people making assumptions about you being a lazy parent etc, when you're once a month using the tablet?

I went to an all-inclusive last year and found this shocking too. We have a tablet (my old one) but only get it out once a month or so if we're having a long day inside or something. I don't like what it does to my daughter, it's almost like she's sedated by it and then she will have a massive tantrum about putting it away. I am a lot more relaxed about TV as it's more sociable and I can see what she's watching and engage with her about it.

ETA: I hate to sound super conservative or something but I am actually shocked by the number of people defending kids having tablets and phones at meal times. It surprises me given the characteristics of other threads (family values, how to manage the behaviour of your children, healthy eating, etc.) as it seems like the total opposite of healthy family behaviour!

Bullshit. You and the busy bodies are judging this so called wider issue based on snapshots you get of strangers in a restaurant. You don't know anything about the people you're judging and you can't possibly tell if some are disabled. How about minding your business and working on your own life!

It is EXTREMELY judgemental to be criticising how others spend their time! Holidays can be really tiring for kids- loads of activities, exercise, maybe hot weather depending on where you are. A few minutes on a kindle or whatever is a moment they can relax too, they’re not performing monkeys, they shouldn’t have to be constantly playing or providing you with conversation if they need a minute!
I mean, I’m assuming you’re writing this post and replying whilst sitting on the toilet or something cause god forbid you don’t give your attention to everyone in the room every minute of the day 🙈

Do you say that to parents of physically disabled kids? 'Haha, my DC can walk. Because I'm a much better parent'.

What's common and lazy is rushing to judge others and put them down to make yourself feel superior.

It's common and lazy.

Ah, good morning Hyacinth Bucket. I trust that Onslo is well.

Do let it go, this thread is not all about you and your son – you have special circumstances and people acknowledge that and have no issue with it. They are talking about a more general problem in society.

"Common"? Pray do expand? And who are the ADHD crew? My son is autistic, he doesn't have ADHD, can I come aboard?

My son loves restaurants. He is not in the least "uncomfortable" in them (as long as people are not being shitty to him, or to me). He loves reading the menu, chatting to me and the staff about it, ordering his meal politely from the staff, then settling down to watch something he enjoys while enjoying the hell out of his meal and no-one else is bothered by him because he is not humming loudly, squeaking, or hopping about.

And yes, I too enjoy eating out. And reading my book while eating. And being in his company and exchanging comments while we sit there. Is that OK or too much "for the benefit of the adult".

He is nearly 15. He is going to be just the same at 25, I suspect. I repeat, when should I be allowing him to access normal social activities?

🤦‍♀️