Children on Ipads in restaurants

I thought only 15% of the population was neurodiverse

My DS got his first screen on prescription (not in the UK) precisely so he could watch it while eating. They're considered essential disability aids for children with autism and/or ADHD.

A few years ago I was at a swanky restaurant and one couple were almost on top of each other snogging each other's faces off. The mother had her back turned to their baby (maybe six months) who was sitting in a high chair with an iPad. So sad. They never once gave the child any attention.

We used to do it on holiday when DD was little. Mostly at dinner, for two reasons .

1.She was fussy/not bothered about food so she wasn't really eating anyway.

1. She'd be really tired after a day running around , the sun,swimming etc and she just needed the quiet time. Most evenings she just fell asleep at the table and we'd carry her back in and put her to sleep.

She managed a lot better and we didn't need it once she was a but older.

Please don't let it stop you. From one SEN parent to another, life is really hard sometimes and anyone who judges you for doing what you can to make it just a little bit easier sincerely needs to fuck off.

And yes, before someone starts the "my child is autistic" speech, autism was around for a long time before screens. My autistic child manages just fine in a restaurant as long as I keep him occupied and talk to him. I won't be taking him to a fine dine restaurant though!

Good for you. It's almost as though your experience of parenting an Autistic child isn't exactly the same as everyone else's.

I have one Autistic child who can cope perfectly well in a restaurant without a screen. I have another Autistic child who can't. We're not taking him to any fine dining places either, but we wouldn't be able to eat out as a family at all if he didn't have access to a device (with headphones) to help him regulate. I'm grateful to be living in a time where this is an option, the fact that it wasn't an option in the past is entirely irrelevant.

Judge all you like. It's hard enough parenting two children with SEND, I'm not going to actively make it harder for myself because people who know nothing of our situation might disapprove.

"pretty rude.."

NO its not as they were in my house and they are all aware of my views.

If it was important, very obviously I would not have mentioned it.

Why do you think people in tema meetings, meets etc and TOLD to turn off or put on silient their mobiles and are openly challenged if they start messing around with their smart phone.

This thread has been very disheartening, I realise there are probably many people watching me judgementally and, as two PPs have agreed , finding me and my DS "disgusting", as we quietly enjoy our Saturday lunches out. I refuse to let it stop us, but it makes me feel sad.

@Combattingthemoaners what about a young person who is literally incapable of holding a conversation, however he is "raised", and who, if bored, will "behave" OK, but (involuntarily) make enough noise by humming and squeaking to distract everyone in the restaurant? With his phone and headphones in place all is peaceful, and the only sounds you will hear are a bit of happy chuckling, and his occasional typed comment on his text-to-speech app. Are you going to judge us?

Wow. Love the way you articulated this. My son has difficulties and will shortly be diagnosed with ADHD. An iPad whilst eating is an absolute MUST. He won’t eat without it. If he doesn’t have it, his food just gets picked to bits, he gets up and out of his seat around every few minutes and it seems impossible to go out for a meal. Tbh it would stop me from wanting to go out now knowing there are people watching and judging, but all of our situations are adapted to us. So it’s really not fair to cast an opinion on a family you know nothing about 😔

@Allfur. But reading at the table used to be seen as rude but nobody seems to object to it now.

I absolutely hate this too. We are raising generations of young people incapable of holding a conversation. People who are saying “maybe they wanted to distract them” or “perhaps they didn’t want to disrupt other people”. Well show them how to behave and how to regulate their behaviour in an adult setting! It is absolutely fine for children to be bored, being bored is a normal part of life.

Whiterose- I'm not sure anyone is suggesting that tech doesn't have some great benefits for kids, i think its more the meal time thing that op was referring to specifically

*that’s an averGe you understand how averages work right? Can come on and reply then leave for swim come back and it’s averaged out.

just clarifying because your post makes me assume you don’t understand the term average in this context?*

Most of your posts are 2-4 minutes apart, just filter at the top to scroll through them (on the app), with maybe two 20 min gaps, so please stop making out you're being the attentive mother. It's quite disingenuous.

Not sure you should be throwing the first stone.

@Somersetlady

Do you genuinely have no knowledge of why being on a screen whilst eating is harmful to children?

No. Please enlighten me. I was assuming it was the lack of interaction as a family you were referring to. Which is the same if all reading newspapers or books.

I've managed to raise 2 children who both had phones, computers, laptops and Ipads. And books, sports, drama, dance, scouts/guides and music. But the tech was there for them when they wanted it. As well as social media they were used for CBeebies, CBBC, BBC bitesize, films, short physics clips, and documentaries about Volcanoes and earthquakes. Plenty of educational stuff just like a book.

It's misguided to think that tech is inherently a bad thing. It can be used as just another form of media like books, newspapers, magazines, TV and film.

@Acornsplop and some can be taught to sit still and eat and enjoy their video quietly, while occasionally stopping to type out an interesting comment on what they are watching or eating. Not bothering you either way. Leave us alone.

Maybe it's the ipad kids who are more likely to run amok...possibly a correlation

It doesn't have to be ipad or run amok. ( Most) Children can be taught to sit still and eat and chat quietly

In the majority of cases it is lazy parenting.

It shouldn't be a case of give them screens or they'll scream the place down.

There are a hell of a lot if kids that have been shown how to behave in public and manage to do do without screens.

@PictureALadybird no, its not "necessary". Going out to a nice restaurant is not necessary either, its luxury. But we enjoy it. Who are you to police that?

And I am not by any stretch of the imagination a lazy parent. As @JennyBeanR said, how about you give us some of your sage parenting advice about parenting non-verbal autistic children and trying to give them the richest possible experience of society and life (while trying not to annoy too many other people along the way)? Love to hear it.

@Helena7319 I guess I should just keep my autistic son indoors and well out of society's way then? Even better, maybe he should be in an institution so we don't risk disgusting you as you go about your life? Fuck (and I don't say this lightly) you.

And another one. Imagine thinking you know everything about parenting because you've spotted a child on a tablet in a restaurant.

It's not even close to lazy parenting. The tablet allows us to go out as a family to restaurants. At home and in her SEN school my DD will 75% of the time not sit still at the table to eat. We have to allow her to run back and forth or the majority of time she won't finish the meal. Am I supposed to allow this at a restaurant?
Or maybe since you are the parenting expert, you can advise on how we can address this issue with our non verbal autistic and SPD DD? Maybe you know something the early years intervention and SEN school doesn't?

And this is a very nasty message. I'm not ignoring her when she's on her tablet. She actually learned more from videos and games than we've managed with intense intervention since she was 15 months.
So freaking judgemental, you haven't got a clue!

My severely autistic DD will not stay put in a restaurant without her tablet or worst case, my phone to keep her distracted.
Stop assuming the worst of these parents. Most of us are doing the best we can.
I hate that every person we encounter outside might be judging us. It's hard enough raising a special needs child without busy bodies (on holiday!) armchair parenting us from afar.

I've never seen anyone say that children must be silent. They do say they shouldn't be running around, because that's actively dangerous in places where hot food is being carried around.

I have a 5 and 3 year old DSses - they aren't very quiet and calm children and we definitely make noise and chatter away when eating out. I get complimented on them quite a lot, with a depressing number of the compliments explicitly saying that it's nice that they're interacting with me/us (I take them out on my own to eat quite often) rather than a tablet. My experience isn't that people are hostile to children making any sound.