Children on Ipads in restaurants

People have made the same arguments since the dawn of time about whatever was the “new” thing at that time.
As a kid I remember going to restaurants that had playgrounds or little soft plays I could go to unattended. And you bet my mum would send me there from the minute we arrived and between courses. How much “social interaction/ family time” was that really whilst she sat there in the smoking area of the restaurant lighting up? Times have changed. These days even if a restaurant has something like a play area then kids aren’t allowed to be left unattended. We were given a safe (enough) space to go wild. Kids today aren’t. I bet you if there was no play area and iPads were a thing when I was young I’d have been the first to be given one. It’s a case of rose tinted glasses and nostalgia for people who think differently.

💯.

and just sitting, staring, out the window, at the doctors, at the Dentist, wherever, that is actually relaxing and good for the brain.

Often, why people don’t sleep now, is that they don’t have these brakes. The natural daydreamy and relaxing, staring out of the window in the train kind of thing, et cetera. Everyone is super glued and hyper to their iPhones iPads et cetera. On high alert and always stimulated.

I often eat lunch at my desk while watching a TV show or something. I have never "shovelled" my food. Nor do i if I watch TV when having dinner, as I also do sometimes.

Apart from SEN - thank you @theDudesmummy - , it’s totally pathetic lazy parenting. In all other cases.

I am asking people to think before passing judgement, that's all. You can't tell what another family's issues are. Maybe SEN, maybe other things. Maybe just not anyone else's business.

You haven't heard the humming! I don't want to hear it when I am eating either! And I don't happen to like people staring. I guess I would rather the silent unspoken judgement.

(Although I just said to DH, while reading him some of this thread, that I almost wish some of the people on this thread would come over to us in a restaurant and say these things to our faces! DH says he feels sorry for anyone who does!).

@Gruffallowhydidntyouknow bollocks do people eat more when distracted.... show me the stats on that

But again why shovelling?

Ds has adhd and really struggles to sit in a restaurant without an iPad.

its a horrible experience for everyone if we made him sit there and make small talk.

You know already that about 95% of kids on screens don't have additional needs.

Also let him hum. It's other people's issue not your son's x

A lot of the "children's menu" has quite big portions (dont get started on why we need a separate menu of beige and chips for children??)

Instead of eating to satisfaction one tends to overeat when distracted. There is research on this.

@Gruffallowhydidntyouknow why when people are t watching screens are they eating a portion of food served, yet when watching screens it's shovelling?

The portions are the same size, whatever!

And I refuse to hide my child away. So, my alternatives? Should I take him (and the rest of the family) to eat at "soft play" at the age of fourteen, because when he is bored or stressed he makes a loud humming sound which would disturb other diners in a quieter restaurant? Or let him pop his headphones on at any restaurant we care to go to, and chuckle quietly to his favourite videos while we all enjoy a meal? What would your choice be?

Please think about what you are saying, judgemental people.

It's a hugely serious harm.

Huge cause of obesity is over eating because you are mindlessly shovelling food in.

Children not developing conversation skills, turn taking, eye contact. It's a hugely influential time for learning social skills.

Children can mirror adults eating patterns, seeing foods, showing curiosity in them.

They learn to set still, to wait, to have deferred gratification.

I genuinely believe one of the reasons behaviour is so poor in schools is because children are used to the high intensity stimulation of being plugged into a screen so then can't focus in class.

Children can sit nicely through meals if you teach them to and if it's a daily habit.

Maybe you should save your concern for other more serious harms.

@Fionaville thank you. Exactly.

But why would they be?

If they are brought up sitting at the table at home then why couldn't they cope in a restaurant?

It's because kids are fed nuggets kn their own at home not at a family meal at a dining table that they then can't cope in a restaurant. Also children are never left to be bored. Ipads in the car, the GP waiting room etc. The children never learn to just sit.

How will they ever learn to be present for family time? Oh come on! You are judging a child's whole socialisation education on one snap shot of their lives.
And if you want to eat out, just go to family friendly pubs that have soft play? Really? What about when you are invited to a family, celebration meal at an Italian? Just don't go, because your SEN child won't be able to cope sitting there for 2 hours? Or take them a device, so when they are getting restless or overwhelmed, they can pop their headphones on and watch their TV show or play a game.

We spent years segregating ourselves from friends, family and society as a whole. Because our autistic son didnt act like other children. When we got him a portable DVD player with headphones, it was a game changer for us. It meant that we could have the occasional meal out and it didn't have to have a Wacky Warehouse attached!
On holiday, we could spend all day and evening playing with him and interacting with him. And then we could have an evening meal in a decent restaurant and when he got restless, we could give him it and unwind as adults for an hour. He's grown into a lovely adult, who loves eating out, chatting and doesn't take his phone out once.
I hate the thought that parents with SEN children, would be segregated, limited or hide away at home, rather than using a device because they are worried about being judged.

I prefer quill pens and parchment.
Possibly a large Cross Stitch Sampler with the entire alphabet of all the Countries in the world.
YABU, old fashioned & judgmental.

This is the future. Nobody interacts anymore.

People rely on pads because it’s easier than parenting. Decades ago I don’t think people ate out so much, people didn’t have the money. Children weren’t sat in pubs and restaurants and expected to sit quietly for two hours or more, at least not as often as you seen them now.

I agree with you tbf. We never use screens at meal times. Ever. We make conversation, bring colouring etc if we have to. Follow them round the restaurant if we have to. But we never use screens. I think it's awful for social development and mealtimes should be the one time kids don't have screens. Mine have more than enough tv other times.

What happened to good old fashioned colouring in a restaurant before the food arrives? I admit still a distraction, but surely better than becoming completely absorbed in a screen and are still developing motor skills? How will kids ever learn to be present for family time?

If you want to go out to eat take them to child friendly places like pubs with a soft play, there’s less risk of other people being bothered by your kids as people will be expecting kids to be there and for it to be louder?

It may be easier in the moment when out but don’t forget kids who aren’t learning to be present in family or social situations become adults who also who struggle to be present in the same situations…

It is sad how I and a number of other people have clearly been hurt/upset by parts of this thread. I wish people would just think a bit sometimes about what they are actually saying. Some of the language has really been quite nasty. Lazy. Disgusting. Etc.

To be fair it is set aside to eat so I suppose that is a difference too if kids are watching whilst eating.

I hope you don't let these judgy oh so perfect busy bodies stop you from enjoying time out with your son. I am hurt by many messages in this thread but I won't let it stop me taking my DD out to restaurants. It does however make me feel less kind to onlookers and strangers though.

I’m so sorry this happened to you!

Good for you.

I work with autistic children and adults and every single one of them has a screen over lunchtime.