Children on Ipads in restaurants

@Enuffs and given that he and I spend quite a lot of time in the car together (we live rurally and most of the activities I take him to are in town, so quite long drives there and back), we chat a great deal.

Managing his mood, noise level and behaviour in a restaurant, so everyone there, including us, can have an enjoyable meal, has absolutely fuck all to do with how much we talk to each other.

@enuffsif that was aimed at me, I think you have not read any of my previous posts. Maybe try that before being rude?

Oh for goodness sake @theDudesmummy you must realise that the ones insisting talking at meal times is the best are absolutely the best parents in the world ever......

I mean OP has really proved that, hasn't she.

I'm sure she's glued to 5at phone for another three hour session today, keeping up with all the comments!

@Scirocco thanks for that. I have learned long ago to let people's judgement mostly run off my back. That poster's overt prejudice, ignorance and nastiness was something beyond that, and it just got to me I am afraid.

Mealtimes are when we all talk the most.

That's nice. My DS just happens not to much like chatting at mealtimes, but loves to chat in the car. I think he finds it less pressurising, including the aspect of you being side-by-side rather than looking at each other, which some autistic people can find challenging. As well as the fact that he can get an "opening" into the conversation (something he sometimes finds hard) by commenting on something in the changing scenery etc. Also, there are usually just the two of us, which makes it easier for him.

Should I insist he talks to me at mealtimes, when he instead opens up about a lot of his inner thoughts in the car? Of course not, that would be not only disrespectful to his choices but giving him the message that it is more important to talk at certain times than others.

If your children "talk most" at mealtimes, well great. Talk then. If they "talk most" at other times, well, talk then instead. No-one else's business.

Mealtimes are when we all talk the most.

That works for you and your family. Good for y'all.

It shouldn't matter to you when people talk to their kids about "general stuff".

That's the problem we have in society; everyone want's people to parent the way they do. That's crazy!

Do you know these families schedule? Constraints? How much time they spend with their kids? Cultural backgrounds? Kids ages? So many factors that contribute to how THEY parent.

In the end, it all goes down to minding your business and stop being so quick to judge without knowing people.

@theDudesmummy just to say, you sound like a great mum who's doing a phenomenal job raising your family. Ignore the judgey people.

@Helena7319Doesn't sem like the autism is really impacting does it?

You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and this is an incredibly offensive remark, which I think you should really retract.

Try living for 14 years with a non-verbal person who required, when he was younger, years of 40 hours a week of specialist care, just to get him to be able to communicate and to stop smashing his head on the floor in frustration hundreds of times a day (that phase lasted for years).

And then after that try the thousands of hours of work done with him for him to be able to go into a shop without stimming on the door for twenty minutes before entering. And to get him to sit on an aeroplane without causing near-mutiny among the other passengers (we literally had people refuse to get on a return plane with us after a holiday aboard). And to allow him to get in a lift without pressing all the buttons, every single time. And to get him to to walk down the street without skipping into people obliviously. And to take part in groups and social situations without causing havoc. And, yes to sit in a restaurant and have a meal without disrupting everyone's meal. Using whatever techniques we could, including the technology available to us.

Try all the tears, the sleepless nights (the years when he hardly slept and I slept on his bedroom floor), the disruption of family life year after year, and the tens and tens of thousands of pounds spent to get to the point we are at now.

Try even now being unable to go anywhere in public without many tuts and stares, unless you are incredibly well-prepared and organised and well-briefed for whatever is about to happen (and god forbid there is any change in plan).

Try especially having a dreadful chill run down your spine every time you think of what his life (and ours) would have been like without modern technology.

Educate yourself. Just because we make absolutely every effort to integrate our son into society despite his disabilities, doesn't mean his autism is not "impacting". Tell that to my bank balance, my cortisol levels or my son's father and siblings.

Maybe you should spend less time on MN and more with your child

You may notice that I am on MN now while he is at school (he is at a special school by the way, his autism impacts a great deal on him educationally), and in the middle of last night, when he was fast asleep but I could not sleep because I was worrying about something related to him. And how is this nasty retort an answer to my asking whether you are as offended and "upset" by physically disabled people using technology to help them as you obviously are by developmentally disabled ones?

I am beginning to think you may be a self-parodying caricature. Surely no-one is really such an oblivious shit to the families of disabled children?

Your character is not fine. You attitude towards those with disabilities is frankly sick and I would imagine your poor DC are at a real disadvantage with such a vile individual as a mother.

Stop focusing on other people's DC and go and get the therapy you desperately need.

Thank you, you’re right!

She literally said "he won't eat without it".

My character is fine. My children can also sit through a meal without a screen.
My point was that she claims her child can do all of the high functioning activities she listed, but can't sit and eat for an hour. I call bull.

Ignore the monsters

Btw, I expect your second comment will be deleted soon for blatant disablism which is a shame as it should stand as proof that it does happen and of your character.

@Helena7319 did you miss the part where he's non verbal? That's a pretty big impact I'd say, even with an aid like an ipad.The fact that his family have moved heaven and earth to ensure he thrives and has opportunities doesn't mean that his autism isn't really impacting him. Jesus.

I don't want a babysitter for Saturday lunch. I want to spend the day in town with my son and enjoy a lunch with him. When we are on holiday we don't have the option for a babysitter, and in any case, we like to spend time together as a family, including at mealtime.

Its a shame that booking a babysitter is seen as a chore, surely it's worth it for the relationship to have an evening with out the kids occasionally

This is a broader debate about a child rearing dilemma of modern times, its not just about 15% who need ipads for medical reasons

This thread had me feeling so down, but your post really lifted me!