To ask why you send your children to private school?

@ElevenSeven

This is one of my dislikes about private schools

‘issues are dealt with, if they aren’t improved, families are asked to leave’

It highlights an unfair privilege of picking and choosing and washing their hands of children who don’t fit their expectations.
Private schools tend to have less tolerance than a state school. I personally believe state and independent schools should be supportive under any circumstance.
In state schools it is much harder to exclude or have a managed move, this is not to say that I agree with the sanctions in place in state schools. I am very much against internal isolation as I believe it is abused.
I am fully aware many will disagree with me and I understand their reasonings due to their experiences.

I don’t want to sound hypocritical as I do believe we have a major crisis in our education system in the UK now. Many aren’t tolerant of ‘poor behaviour,’ but EBD is a form of SEN.

I have only worked in one private school and as a special educational need is a protected characteristic most tread quite carefully but as poor behaviour can be categorised quite broadly there is less tolerance.

This is of course dependant on what the issues are, the support given by the school and also the time frame involved.

Just under 40% of children at independent schools identify as being from a UK ethnic minority background. In London this is more like 60%.

https://www.isc.co.uk/media/9316/isc_census_2023_final.pdf

Both my kids went to state infant and junior. Fantastic provision.

DD1 went to local catchment comp for a year where she and other girls were sexually harassed. Head of Year wouldn't take it seriously, her presentation / inaction impacted how leadership responded.

There was no bloody way i was leaving her there, took on extra work and senior role to pay for private but at that point it conflicted with my intentions to state educate.

DD1 was in private girjs school for year 8 on a scholarship, sometimes bursary too. 6th form went to top boys school with co-ed 6th form - double scholarship - no regrets at all with outcomes for her.

DD2 also at same private girls school, much less academic and SEN (spotted by private school not primary) but v supported by the school. Honestly think she'd have done better in smaller nurturing prep or primary school than the big junior school she was in - that is my regret with her education but we didn't have choices.

Stepping back though i believe in state education but not in the current curriculum and the significant under funding. I just didn't believe in it enough to sacrifice my child's well-being...

@Futb0l I've voted Labour my whole life and will continue to do so.

Both of mine went to state primary school but had very different experiences. The bright one was fine , the one with a learning difficulty was left to flounder. I tried and tried to get the school to give the support she needed but they tried everything to get out of it. I supported that school through the PTA for years - doing my bit to help raise extra funds but they failed my DD miserably.

My experience of state secondary school for my DD was horrific and I'm sorry but in my mind she is special. Too special to be bullied to the point of wanting to take her own life. I suppose I could have switched her to the alternative state option but that would have been a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire. All other local state schools are selective and she's not academic at all. So private it is. I'm just thankful we could afford it.

My son is at a state grammar. It's been ok. There was bullying at first but it was dealt with. There are still problems though. They are short of teachers in certain subjects. He's currently being "taught" one of his A level subjects by a student who is on a gap year having left the school after his own A levels last year. It's really not ideal but better than no teacher at all I suppose. We are paying for him to go on some intensive revision courses in London to make up for the lack of teaching at school. If I could reverse time he'd have been sent to the private school too.

The Tories have destroyed our state schools and it's heartbreaking.

Elevenseven - 'strong focus on sport, respect, resilience, behavior and ethics' - you could be describing my kids state school, although the definition of ethics may be different...

Notgoingtolie - I was thinking the same thing

Both of my children were severely let down and picked on by teachers at the village infant school. I acknowledge that not all state schools are the same.

Mosstich - like kids don't swear at private school? Your post stinks of narrow minded snobbery

Yep ok I'll say it. In DS's class he has to get evacuated twice a day because of one of the disruptive kids is beating up the teacher. Kid jumped on a chrome book last week intentionally to smash it. DS is in tears most days because he can't deal with the shouting and chaos from what is actually just a handful of kids in a 'nice' state primary school. The secondary school is far more diverse. So no I don't want him going there. I'd prefer him to learn in a calmer environment. DD may well go to the local secondary. She's far more able to cope with the distractions.

Strong focus on sport, respect, resilience, behaviour and ethics.

No disruption, issues are dealt with, if they aren’t improved, families are asked to leave - everyone signs a contract agreeing to standards of behaviour.

Small class sizes and focus on independent learning, speech and drama and personal development and strong pastoral care.

We sent dd2 and then ds to private school when dd2 was showing signs of dyslexia in year 1 and the senco teacher said to me "She can't be dyslexic she isn't clumpsy" she went to private school from March year 1 until end of year 2. Her little brother attended reception at the school. Older sister remained at the school she was happy on. We moved for their yearreception, 1,3 and 5 and they all went to the same state school after that (who managed dd2s dyslexia well. But missed dd3s dyslexia completely)

They attended 3 different secondary schools.

Of the schools the private ans the church secondary were outstanding in pastoral care and support to achieve. I have never felt the money we paid for the time in private was wasted. We had a girl who was struggling and hated school who left enjoying learning. I'd pay it again to have that result. The "outstanding" infant school was not able to do this.

The facilities and smaller classes

For me it was their pastoral care. Zero tolerance for bullying. It did happen occasionally but was immediately stamped out, my two said it was virtually non existent. Mine never suffered a day of bullying whereas my state senior school experience of bullying damaged me for years. I know it can be the reverse but I could only make choices based on my own personal horrible experiences.

That’s true for many, in particular those with one child. When you weigh up the cost of moving, including stamp duty and mortgage interest payments, it is often more viable to simply stay where you are and use private schools.

This is more of a factor for those who are funding private school through salary as the likelihood is that you won’t have a huge lump sum available to move house so will therefore be paying additional mortgage interest. Those who are funded by GP or inheritance are in a slightly different situation as they could move house far more cheaply.

We are planning to send our DC to private school from Reception. At current prices it’ll be around 200k for 14 years at the school we have chosen.

If we were to move to a similar house in the nearest decent state school catchment area our total costs would likely be higher. A similar property in that area would cost around 175-200k more. At current mortgage rates yr 1 additional interest would be not far off 10k. Thats pretty much the same as the annual fees at the pre-prep school.

Of course when interest rates were set at a very low level for many years this calculation looked very different however house price inflation plus interest rate rises has changed things dramatically. It invariably now makes economic sense for couples like us with 1 child living in a property they like but in a poor state catchment area to stay where we are and use private schools.

our reasons were based on logistics, academics and sport.

DC are academically able - I know everyone on mumsnet says that but DD got highest possible marks in KS1 SATS so it’s factually true.
they went to local state primary which was great - community school, could walk there and back, safe, friendly, a really driven HT who pushed lots of extra curricular enrichment (she must’ve been an absolute wizard financially). DC both did very well, top of class (there was some subtle ‘streaming’ within classes), did lots of sport out of school which meant they always got picked to do sport in school, nice friend groups, all good.
Post covid things shifted - around Y5 their reports started saying they were working at expectations rather than above, DC voiced some complaints about being bored. Was quite clear teachers were having to focus on kids who’d slipped back during lockdown and mine were no longer being pushed. They’d started coasting and there was a bit of a ‘big fish/small pond’ scenario. Quite a few of their friends moved to nearby prep which is attached to private secondary.

at the same time our amazing nanny got a new job in a career she’d always wanted to
pursue - dream opportunity for her and we were sad to see her go. She was kind of irreplaceable but my and DHs jobs are quite long hours. Moving to private meant a longer day AND good afterschool clubs (something that never really recovered post covid at our primary) so I could continue my job. I genuinely would’ve had to quit otherwise.

we moved mid year, which wasn’t ideal but did mean the eldest avoided SATs entirely which was a positive.

we also were excited by the sports opportunities- though tbh I underestimated just how dominant that was at prep level, have got used to it now and love the fact that sport is baked into their school week.

its not perfect but achievement is really celebrated, which suits mine as they are naturally competitive. But it’s also a very accepting environment - DD is a little unconventional and she has a gorgeous group of friends. Nobody is excluded/pushed out and behaviour issues are dealt with very swiftly.

Because I didn’t want my DD to be educated with kids who regard education as boring or uncool.

About half of her female cohort at her state primary were in year 6 gravitating towards bunking off to hang out by the local shopping centre vaping and meeting boys. One of them is now pregnant at 13. The school she would have gone to has 10 forms per year and the parents of the kids who have gone there say the constant disruption makes it hard to get anything done.

Scotland here - DS moving in the summer. I'm unhappy with his state school for reasons already mentioned here. He's possibly dyslexic, excels at sport and I think would just fit better in private. On the fence about whether we'd move DD too (for secondary only) as she is very happy where she is. I just want him to enjoy going to school and not disappear into a class of kids who quite literally shout louder. Our state secondary offering is mediocre.

This is exactly the problem we found. So many people trying to do the right thing by the children and being placed in impossible positions. It must be so dispiriting.

And the constant teacher absences due to stress and stress related illnesses coupled with the recruitment problems meant that large classes with discipline issues were left to be managed by cover teachers and worksheets.

Difficult enough for NT children but absolutely terrifying for many ND children.

Our kids deserve better. I hate our governments for doing this to them.

I understand why this is happening; state schools are in crisis. They are failing children with additional needs because of such appalling underfunding.
A bit about me...
I'm a qualified primary teacher (20 years this year - I'm 43). 15 years ago I came out of ft whole class teaching as the demands and pressures had become too much and I simply wasn't present for my own three children.
I was employed as a 1-1 SEN HLTA as I have numerous additional qualifications and training in that particular field.
My job was genuinely incredible.
I gave so much but equally learned so much from the children I had the absolute privilege of working with.
Yes the huge pay cut was incredibly difficult, but we got by (just) and it was worth it to be doing such a rewarding and enjoyable role.
I'm now leaving at the end of July to return to university to do an MSc in Counselling Children and Young People.
Why?
Because now my job is nothing like the one I was employed to do.
I cover class teacher absence - pretty much on a ft basis. This means I'm covering classes of 30 from all year groups - all with high levels of EHCP/SEMH/SEND need - nearly always on my own with no TA support. All for £11.67 an hour as I am not paid my teacher rate for this cover.
Meanwhile the EHCP/SEMH/SEND children I once worked with are left with nothing.
I am devastated but have no choice.

Teaching quality. Physics reacher has a degree in Physics, Math teacher has a Maths degree, etc. I don’t really care about teaching qualifications, just subject matter knowledge.

It’s selective so the children are all at a similar level where everyone is capable of moving through the syllabus at pace and moving on to further enrichment together without the classroom descending into an impossible situation.

Any truly egregious behaviour can be dealt with swiftly and decisively.

State schools could deliver all this. It’s not about money. It’s about values and choices. The state comprehensives in my area have their hands tied.

Look at the Michaela School. Incredible education delivered to a diverse and comprehensive community. That head teacher, Birbalsinghe, seems to be harassed and harried by the forces “of equal mediocrity for all” on a constant basis.

We are lucky to buy our way out of the craven, hypocritical mess that is much of state education. I wish everyone could. True parent choice would be transformative.

London - live in a black hole for state secondaries. They'd have ended up at one miles away with crap results and a poor culture re behaviour.

@Futb0l Why?
I have worked in the education sector for well over 15 years. Does that not give me the right to have an opinion?

Demonising?

It’s an absolute shit show! Again this is my reality.

This is mumsnet, these are people’s experiences.

I commented earlier that it was primarily the lack of sport that drove us to move our boys from an otherwise excellent state primary into the private sector as each hit year 4 - but we were also looking ahead to our local secondary which is struggling on multiple levels. I know many parents there of the DCs’ primary friends and it is overcrowded, underfunded and (in parental opinion) poorly led.
Meanwhile my brother and his wife have a non sporty girl who attends the OFSTED outstanding comprehensive nearby in their leafy area and they are always making pointed remarks about the boys’ private school .
As a PP said, it is a postcode lottery (exactly like GPs and other health services).

Thirty years ago our very good children's state primary did not offer wrap around care. Both of us were full time workers and wrap around child care eg childminders was made difficult since most didn't have a car (rural area) or couldn't do the haphazard hours. So private school. For not terribly academic children, the sports, drama and music were a godsend.