Best friend only wants to catch up with me (childfree) at kid-oriented venues

* She and her kids come as a package deal. She chooses not to socialise without them. This is because (as she’s explained) she wants to cherish every moment while they are still young.*
she sounds boring af, does she never go out with her partner/DH/DW?
How twee.

"There is only so many times I can stand in a playground! Maybe another time!"

I used to be in the same position as you. My friend would always suggest child friendly places to meet up when I was child free. I resented paying to go to the zoo etc when I didn't really want to go. I went along as it was the only way I could see and chat with my friend. Her husband worked shifts and was unable to help most of the time.

I am now a single parent to my dc who is 3 and 6 years younger than her two and we have similar issues still but this time it is how to keep different age groups entertained. However we try to do a couple of evenings a year when my family can babysit so we can have a child free catch up. Tell your friend that you would like a child free catch up sometime while her partner babysits. Even if you have to plan it months in advance. My friend and I actually managed a child free day trip to Ikea and meal out on one day so anything is possible.

Is she in an abusive relationship where she isn’t allowed people over to the house or to go out without the kids? The not wanting to socialise without them bit is weird by itself but why can’t she have you over for a glass of wine once the kids are in bed? I’d be really worried if this was coming from a friend of mine.

That would drive me mad the older mine have got the less i like to be around little ones.
There irritating and annoying.
Them days are over for me and I would not want it around me when im having a grownup met up.

Jeez. Sounds awful. Coming from someone who has two DC (3.5 and 1), and who has taken a career break to be at home with them, I'd never expect my child free friends to come to kid stuff with us, and child free lunches are a regular occurrence. Tell her straight you'd like to see her without her children.

Not unreasonable at all OP! I’m a new mum with a 7 month old. None of my closest friends have children and I cherish the time I spend with them alone and always plan to see them in the evening so I can get an adult dinner. DH is great and more than happy to trade my night out for one of his own. I have “mum friends” that I see with other babies, but really that’s more for my son than myself. I’d just be honest and say you’d like to spend some quality time with her and maybe book something in the evening.

Msg back ‘what time will you be there? I’ll meet you at the cafe an hour or so later when they are tired/hungry’

I would have been the parent in this scenario and I really think she is out of line—she may not know it but she is. Just tell her you don’t want to double date with the kids. She can find a babysitter or host you after bedtime.

Why don't you meet her in the evenings? I also am loathed to give up weekend day with my kids for child free time but love actually talking to my friends, so meet them in the pub once children are in bed. Or I'd meet somewhere kid friendly that is also aimed at adults like a nature walk.

Agree it’s OTT. I adore my kids but love doing stuff without them too.! Sometimes it just makes sense to leave them at home or with their dad!

This would drive me nuts. You can’t catch up properly with friends when you’re minding kids and I can totally see why your friend wants to meet at child friendly places. Much easier to have the kids happy in a playground rather than bored and moaning in a cafe.

I would arrange to meet her when the children are in bed in future. Either at her house or at a bar/restaurant. Just say sorry I’m only available after 8pm for meet ups and she can agree or not see you

Me too. It's not like you are expecting her to go with you to the bar every night. Mums need a break. Motherhood is relentless and a day out with out kids is great. I wonder if she thinks being a martyr makes her a perfect mum

its very odd. What about socialising when the kids have gone to bed?
even if she doesn’t have a partner a glass of wine at hers after the kids have gone to bed is surely doable?

she sounds a bit crackers tbh.

yeah I socialise with my kids with other friends who have kids!!! But also socialise without the kids, whether or not those people have their own kids.

God she sounds boring! I was a lone parent for 9 years (father not involved) and often had to see my friends with DS in tow because I had no childcare but always made an effort to get babysitters and also arrange child free meetings. I'd find her approach very tedious.

I had a similar ish scenario where I felt I was constantly being asked along by a friend to act like a second parent role rather than at a time when we could have hung out properly. In the end I emailed her after another day out and said while it had been lovely to see her and the kids, I felt like we never got time to catch up properly any more so perhaps next time we could do something when her partner had the boys. We did spend less time together after that as I think she rightly or wrongly took it that I was fed up with doing the playgrounds etc (I actually didn’t mind! Just wanted a better mix) but what time we do spend together tends to be more tilted towards us doing something rather than the kids doing something and me graciously invited to help!

Does she ever go out or have people round in the evening? Surely that's the answer.

Not at all unreasonable and I have kid. Tell her you want a kid free evening out. If she doesn't want too I'd probably cool off.

Her message about her kid preferring to meet you at the playground so ‘playground it is, LOL’ is rude as fuck.

Also:

She chooses not to socialise without them. This is because (as she’s explained) she wants to cherish every moment while they are still young

🤢 I have children and this is so OTT.

I’d totally stop bothering. She’s boring and she’s selfish. Maybe reconnect when she’s less child (self) centred.

It sounds as though she sees you as childcare, us she struggling? The wanting to enjoy every minute thing sounds as though she's over compensating. I don't trust many others to care for my children but I know time to not have to be 'on duty' makes me enjoy family time MORE and is part of keeping balanced.

“I think I’ve done my share of playground duty. LOL. Any chance we could get together sometime just you and me?”

YANBU at all. At that age, actually way before, I left the DC with dad and went out.

I think you should be honest with your friend and tell her that you don't enjoy the constant child centred meet-ups. Push back and say that although kids want playground you'd prefer the cafe 1st and maybe playground later.

It could be your friend doesn't realise that you're fed up. The type of meet-up you describe are fairly standard in the "parent crowd". But we all have kids and additional children often make it easier for the parents to chat and catch up as they distract each other.

God fuuuuck that. It’s a bit much OP. You’re not really catching up with your friend then. Suggest something that the kids clearly can’t come to x

I would be trying to meet her in the evening. In the pub/ restaurant if she has a partner/ childcare or round her house to have a glass of wine once they're in bed. How do you think she would respond to this?