Best friend only wants to catch up with me (childfree) at kid-oriented venues

😂😂 I think so @Bluenotgreen

@PlaygroundSusie perhaps go back and read the post properly ? It’s very clear OP didn’t even say she wanted to only meet without the children. Her issue was specifically the child-oriented venues, she is happy enough to meet with her friend’s kids present at homes and cafes.

Is there a polite way I could tell her I’m sick of always meeting at child-oriented venues, and that I’d vastly prefer to simply catch-up at her house or a café?

The only person being selfish is the OP’s friend and anyone who thinks it’s acceptable for two people to always have to hang out in child orientated venues when one of the two meeting up is child free and has expressed a desire to meet in other places.

Shit! Friend has found your thread @PlaygroundSusie

I have a child and I would not be up for this at all, OP. First of all, I've always sustained child-free time with friends (and they're all mums as well, also happy to have time out in an evening from time to time!) however I can also say that it is nearly impossible to socialise when out with someone who has their young child/ren with them. It's a game of stealing a few words here and there and you can never properly catch up.

My response to that text would be "aw wow I'm not feeling the playground today, have fun!" Bonus points for fitting an irritating LOL in there as well.

This.

I'd go for option 1 also.

YANBU, I’m childfree and while my friends with kids occasionally ask me to attend an event at a child orientated place like soft play or a kids theme park they don’t pretend it’s a normal catch up. It’s very much “hey swizzlers, my kid is having a celebration, we’d love if you could come OR, I want to go to this place and my partner can’t make it. I could do with some help with the kids. Could you join us? “

But your friend is being sneaky about it.

As a godmother and “aunty” to multiple kids I’m more than happy to sometimes go to parks and zoos etc to help out or join in the fun or whatever lol and sometimes I’ve even suggested venues like this.

However, the vast majority of the time we meet at their house where their kids have all their toys etc and Sky tv or we meet at my house and if their bored their kids make do with my Netflix kids shows and children’s book that I have in my house. Or we might go out to eat.

majority of my friends with kids also have decent partners so they do get child free time anyway, and so we do childfree meet ups too.

I totally appreciate some people don’t get much childfree time, for various reasons, but that doesn’t mean you need to go to a kids playground when you both have homes to hang out in and your friend know this fine well. She sounds either very inconsiderate or a bit of a user.

Just meet with her after bedtime - at hers for a takeaway or drinks or out at a pub.

This is what I do with my child free friends the majority of the time - I look forward to it too!

YANBU

I only know one woman like this and she had thirteen devastating miscarriages before finally having her PFB so I cut her some slack when she explained she never went out without her DC. I still thought she was living an unbalanced life.

I would invite her out for drinks and dinner in the evening. If she declines, I would probably put the friendship on ice for a while.

I dont have kids. When I visit friends who do, there is usually a competition between the parents to see who gets to have do something with me away from the kids! I think your friend is being really odd.

Can’t you suggest dinner one evening, once the kids are in bed? That way she’s not missing out on her “precious” time.

I’m sorry this is awful! I have a few child free friends and I deliberately meet up with them without the kids (that’s when my husband or mum takes them!) also it’s sad they don’t want to catch up and talk just them. it sounds like they weren’t the right kind of people tbh.

Is she like this with everyone? I have two kids and wouldn’t do this at all. You’re very understanding!

Can't you meet somewhere like a pub with a soft play or cafe like IKEA? That would drive me mad too going to playgrounds.

OP I am childfree

I did a lot of this because it seems unacceptable to say "can we meet just two of us". I couldn't ever bring myself to say it and a couple of times I suggested meeting in a nice bar in the evening, and just got "can we go to the restaurant so the kids will be able to come".

I am now years down the line and friends with children just got more deeply into it and I now haven't seen them for a few years so have written it off.

I understand family life is busy and stressful etc.

But I really wish I'd made more of an effort to make childfree friends. I thought all this would pass and I looked after my friend's daughter a lot when her dad walked out, so I thought there was mutual value in hanging with the kids as well.

I nearly posted about this (there's a lot more in my head) on the childfree section section here but it got renamed "MNers without children" and I didn't want to offend/upset anyone.

I might have been unlucky but it didn't get better. It's always child oriented places or their homes - they openly said they were worried about the kids maybe breaking something at my flat, or getting bored and needing to run around (not possible in my flat).

So I understand, it's really hard to ask and to be honest, I doubt it will be well received. Frankly I regret the amount of effort I put in with these friends.

Also luckily I'm not friends with any parent who does this whole "can't miss a moment with them" thing. I've always chosen friends carefully!

I'm child-free and this wouldn't be for me at all, sorry not sorry. Child-friendly venues look like absolute hell from the outside and a perk of being child-free is that I don't have to set foot in them. Happy to meet at parent friends' houses but it's a hard no to playgrounds, soft plays etc.

None of my parent friends would be remotely offended because I was very vocal about all of this, and about how I'd never have children and the reasons why, way before they had kids themselves.

I would just say no to meeting anywhere you don't enjoy on the grounds of it being "a bit much".

Yes, this is quite possible. It’s important to invest in people who invest in you. Does this friend invest in you? Or just allow you to tag along on her other plans.

Make plans with some other friends.

I have DC and this wouldn't work for me. I don't think we'd stay friends, especially if I felt like she was using me as an extra pair of hands over catching up with a friend.

That sounds really annoying. I’ve got children and don’t particularly cherish catch ups with friends when my/their children are in tow. Massively distracted, no one ever finishes a conversation.

Also, my tolerance level for my own DC is a lot higher than it is with other people’s children 😂 Some of my friends have really irritating kids and I’m sure mine bug them too!!

Well then she shouldn’t be surprised to find herself friendless and at a loose end in a few years time when her DC no longer want or need her to trail around the playground after them.

A couple of my friends lost the plot when they had kids, we all had them in mid thirties so a similar time. They both became very dull and would talk of nothing except their children. We are close and in empty nest stage now, one is really suffering. It’s almost like my friends ceased to exist for a few years.

@Mmmm19 second this post.take away once children are in bed is a good idea.

Lol. Shes taking the piss & knows your good for an extra pair of hands

I thought you were going to say soft play ect where the kids can run off & shes free to chat but a petting zoo? You should have said no at the time

Just wait until you have your own kids & hers are both in school & watch her declare shes over those days & she'll just visit at home/wait for you to come to her.

OP, I think your friend is telling you she doesn't want to give up any of her time to 'catching up' with you. She'll see you while she is accomplishing a more important aim, such as taking the children out to play.

I would be a little bit clever about it if I was you. Her eldest is 7 she deserves a night off/out! Plus that way she meets you in the middle. She definitely needs time for her. But she isn’t thinking about you. Plus it’s really hard to have a conversation when children are needing assistance etc.

Why can’t you go over for a takeaway when they are in bed? Or if she has a partner go out once they are in bed? I have two children I like to spend time with but also enjoy adult only time (which I do once they are asleep or at least getting ready for bed). I don’t really get a me time during the daytime as I work full time and then want to see them.