Manager saw my Teams message - AIBU

Ha ha! So well said...

Why are the majority of senior leaders men? Oh yeah, because they are much better at networking on the golf course, at the footie, drinks after hours. While all the girlies are at home multi-tasking and trying to get the kids to bed......

OP, don’t give up on applying for another role in same team/dept.

A few years ago, I applied for a promotion in a small team, I didn’t get it. I was gutted but did my best to crack on with my existing job and welcome my new boss (who had been my equal colleague previously) I cried for about a week about it. 18 months later, promotion opportunity in same team, I didn’t want to go for it, didn’t want the rejection. New boss (of the job I wanted originally), persuades me to go for it. I worked harder at interview prep this time, prepared a bloody amazing presentation and smashed it. Still in this job now and growing my own little team. Worth the wait.

But be careful who you trust, written chat/comms can be seen by those you least want to.

Have a chat with your manager, explain how you were feeling and get yourself some more interview prep/mock.

best of luck x 💐

It is extremely unprofessional of them to read your messages over someone's shoulder as those were part of a private exchange. You can criticize the OP all you want but if they weren't being nosey reading something not meant for them then this would be a non-issue. I would be furious to know that my manager was reading my messages over their shoulder. It does not matter that the company can read them. They shouldn't unless it is necessary. Neither party gave their permission to read them and her manager is being the sulky one. It is a massive invasion of privacy and completely unprofessional.

I interview in my role and it can be really frustrating when someone you know would be good at the job then performs badly in the interview and doesn’t answer the questions properly. We have a point scoring system and the person who scores the highest gets the job.

I think this is the same across the Public sector isn't it ? I know a lot of the answers that score points have very little to do with previous experience, how well you would manage a role and fit within a team and seem to be more about appearing to adhere to the organization's ethos.
However anyone can learn to hit the top score on those questions with a bit of research, and so can @Mumatwork24 if they put their mind to it.

I know exactly how you feel as I applied for 3 internal jobs last year. My application and CV were well received which lead me to getting shortlisted from a lot of competition. I was qualified for the job and had the right experience and skills but I interviewed poorly due to my nerves letting me down. In both cases , less experienced people in my team got those jobs because they interviewed well and that was the feedback i got.

It shattered my confidence for a few months and i was so upset with myself as i knew i was capable, but I spoke to my manager and we did some interview training and worked on my self confidence. When the job came round again, just before Christmas I felt ready and confident. My interview went so much better, I was confident which came across and it went so well that they chose not to interview anyone else.

so i can understand how you feel, it can be embarassing wheh you dont get an internal and everyone knows, but don't et this stop you progressing in your career. Take time to work on your interview technique, ask for feedback from senior management, ask for a mock interview etc. You will get there!

It’s not the reason you didn’t get the job. But this sort of thing not going to help you going forward. It’s only going to make people think it was the right decision. If this manager decides to have mona to their work friends about this. How will that help you? I would hope they wouldn’t. But if they take the same attitude of ‘well it’s true so doesn’t matter if I tell people at work’ it’s going to reflect badly on you.

It wasn’t a private conversation. You said your manager seems bothered by it. And you said you feel a bit guilty. So you know you did something you shouldn’t have.

As I said above, you actually have no idea if the manager read it over the persons shoulder, they could have showed them. But even if they did read it over their shoulder, you created this situation.

People at senior levels do throw their toys out of their prams and are judged for it. Or at least in every job I have. Our CEO, who owns part of the company, has just had to step down because he threw his toys out of the pram one too many times and too publicly. The investors weren’t having it.

No one says it doesn’t happen. But not dealing with it professionally only negatively impacts you.

Teams and online work chat functions aren’t new. It’s not private. Don’t ever say anything on there you don’t want someone else to read. But also telling colleagues ‘it’s a popularity contest’ doesn’t help you. isn’t that the most important thing?

@Mumatwork24
Saying “throw a paddy” is considered racist… because it is. (Although more like xenophobic maybe).

I’ve had managers throw a paddy and sound off at me in confidence over the years.

Do you realise how offensive that phrase is?

Nothing you say on a company computer is private.

That doesn't mean every Tom, Dick or Harry can read them, but it does mean they are accessible by IT and managers, and you need to stick to company policy when it comes to what you use your computer/e-mails for.

Using the company internet to complain about how unfair the interview process is and how it's a "popularity contest" is just bloody daft.

Please don’t use ‘throw a paddy’. Horrible phrase.

Maybe not directly, but that's how it would have come across.

If I live to be 100, I’ll never understand how performance in an interview is given priority over how well the interviewer knows the person would do the job. I work in education (I’m not a teacher) and a few years ago, the organisation I worked for interviewed for a pastoral lead. Both internal candidates, one would have done a brilliant job (and has since gone on to become a headteacher at another school) but the other (who was known to be a bit bone idle) performed better in the interview, so he got the job. Need less to say it was a complete disaster and he ended up being as useless as we all knew he would be at the role.

Sorry hun, meritocracy is not the main criteria to fill a position these days.
Nonetheless, I think, as my rule, try three times for post. If still, no joy MOVE ON.
Good luck

I'm sorry but unless the job involved being interviewed every day of the week, which isn't likely, then I agree with you - they said they 'know you', that they know how hard you work, that your presentation was great and then they still go ahead and promote someone they have to train up, just because you didn't answer a few questions as well as them?!!

Naaah. I think you're right, and it IS how lots of companies work. I wouldn't try again either.

I'd be looking for another company, I think.

There's no such thing as a private personal conversation on a company computer.

@Mumatwork24 I was on your side but then you use phrases like "throw a paddy".

Ffs, you do really have a lot to learn.

To me it seems like your response is very human and probably so is your boss's. Sounds like she is really disappointed she couldn't give you the job and might be feeling a bit down about it. I have been in her position myself and it wasn't fun.

It does sound like it might have been the interview so that is something realy tangible that you can work on.

Good luck next time

A job goes to the person who does best at interview, often based on a point scoring criteria. The recruiters aren’t allowed to give the job to somebody who performs badly on the day based on prior knowledge of them, or on popularity or personality etc. It’s not your managers fault you did badly at the interview and it doesn’t mean they didn’t think you were right for the job. Imagine two people were running a race, there is a clear favourite who has consistently shown that she can run the course in an impressive time compared to the other person who is inexperienced and slower, however on race day the favourite falls flat on her face and the other person crosses the finish line first. The organisers can’t just give the first place medal to the racer who failed to cross the finish line even if they know that objectively this person is a faster runner than the actual winner. You did badly at the interview, none of your prior performance etc matters. If you want to move on you need to practice your interview skills, not hold a grudge against your management for your mistake. Did you ask for specific feedback after your interview to find out how you need to improve?

Sometimes other people get picked and it can be for multiple reasons including transferrable skills. Your reaction to not getting the role perhaps shows a lack of maturity that would be required at a managerial level.

There was no private chat. She used a works system to butch about her manager and the process.

It’s absolutely unfair on the colleague who received it. Op is spreading negativity. And it’s not even something factual.

No I don’t do it. I am sure you do. It’s still not the professional thing to do. And it often gets spotted and often gives the person, spreading the negativity a bad name. And impacts who they are spreading it to.

Of course she can be upset. I pointed that out. She could have moaned to someone outside work. Not using her work equipment. No one is expecting her to not have a moan.

Doing this sort of thing doesn’t help your career. You cannot like it. But it doesn’t make it untrue.

and also, a lot of the time your current colleagues aren’t your friends. It’s just as likely the friend told her manager or complained that Op was spreading her negativity and it made her feel like she wouldn’t be able to progress. Another reason not to do it.

Again, if you won’t say it to someone’s face don’t say it on teams.

@lifeispainauchocolat The manager would not have seen it if they were not looking, and as someone posted above, very few people have clearance to access what people put in emails between each other etc. So it was a private conversation that happened to happen on a work computer. How does that make OP incompatible with a promotion is beyond me still.

She didn't have a private chat with anyone, she moaned about her manager and the company on a works computer.

I would bet good money the manager didn't read anything over anyone's shoulder, that's just what the colleague said to cover his back.

@Wadermellone You were actually proving you aren’t ready for progression. Because you can’t deal with disappointment without spreading negativity to others and disparaging others.

Sorry, but what a pile of... What have I even read?
So you think it's not normal to feel disappointed when you (unfairly maybe) dont get a job and have a moan about it? She had a private chat with a colleague about being disappointed, that does not mean she is 'not ready' for progression 😂😂😂
Most people would bitch about it you including I bet, it's just OP's private convo stopped being so when the nosy manager read messages that she should not have (who reads peoples emails over their shoulders???).