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AIBU?

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To feel guilty at husbands arrest

84 replies

Sobaditsfunny · 02/02/2024 23:29

I feel so guilty. Long abusive relationship came to a head a few months ago. Husband was arrested and put on bail conditions. Recently he breached his bail conditions, on the face of it he was visiting his daughter at the hospital but the reality was he knew where I was, found my car and parked next to it, asked me to go for a drive (I refused) then told me he still loved me. Then we had the 'I want to die if I'm not with you', he then began to discuss the court case/crime and attempted to convince me I had made it all up and was taking it too far. He made some absurd suggestions, threatened me then I came round and drove off. I came away feeling very confused and doubting myself. I didn't report it as I thought he would say it was an emergency visit to see his child. My IDVA rang and checked in on me this week. I told her and she told me to report it. So I did. And now they're arresting him tonight but this time they think they have enough (with other evidence) to remand him in custody. He hasn't seen the children for over a month then today he has tried to arrange a visit for this weekend. He didn't know at the time of the message what was coming and now I feel overwhelmingly guilty. Aibu for having reported it or should I have left it and allowed another opportunity for child contact??

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/02/2024 23:43

Well he's obviously an idiot isn't he. He is on bail, even if he was visiting he could have ignored you but nope he tries to intimidate you even more

TempleOfBloom · 02/02/2024 23:43

YANBU.

And well done for following the advice to report him.

You know it wouldn’t stop there. Having tracked you down and then harangued, guilt tripped, emotionally blackmailed you and veiled-threatened do you think his next move would be calm, respectful and safe?

It’s not about you and your decision now, not your responsibility. The court made the bail condition. Not your decision!

The courts and professionals cannot protect you if you collude with him in breaking the law.

And why would you do that to your certain detriment?

You did absolutely the right thing.

Comtesse · 02/02/2024 23:43

It’s his own fault. He bought this on himself. No need to feel guilty, he sounds dangerous.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2024 23:38

With any luck, he can launched into the middle of the fucking ocean.

Blueeyedmale · 02/02/2024 23:37

You have done the right thing op you have been the victim of long term abuse.you are the victim here.he chose to break his bail conditions just like he chose to be abusive.

Please don't feel guilty it's all on him he needs to take responsibility for his actions.

Fluffyfleece · 02/02/2024 23:34

It's his own fault

InAnotherLifetimeMaybe · 02/02/2024 23:33

He wasn't getting the message was he!?

He will be now if he's in custody. A sharp shock coming his way

murasaki · 02/02/2024 23:33

You did the right thing.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 02/02/2024 23:32

YANBU.