To feel guilty at husbands arrest

Apologies if I missed it, but how did he know you were at the hospital?

You are not in the wrong here, he is and he is still abusing you and trying to manipulate you. Stay strong.

Well done on reporting it. You did the right thing.

the 'I want to die if I'm not with you' has me worried for you. I hope you get a restraining order against him.

You did the right thing as by the sounds of it he has a screw loose.

You have no idea what could happen the next time he sees you. His comments of 'I want to die if I'm not with you', may turn in to 'if I can't have you, then no one will', then God forbid he decides to acts on it...

I'm no expert but isn't it up to the Courts to help with this, if he is breaking his conditions and threatening you can't they intervene, stop him taking the children out the country, keeping their passports safe.

You did the right thing. He has you in the mindset that it's your fault hence why you feel guilt, but it is ALL his doing.

He's abusive, coercive (likely a narcissit) and stalking you, honestly that won't end well for you.

I'd suggest moving and going, as best as you can, off grid (eg nothing on public registers) prior to is release. To do this you need to prevent access to the kids.

Good luck with things.

If he is threatening you and claims he is coming round tomorrow at 10am can the police be there at the same time. Is there someone who can be with you when you take them out today and also tomorrow, if he turns up could you record a video.

You did absolutely the right thing. If you hadn’t reported then he would have gone even further next time. He’s very toxic and im so sorry you’re going through this.

YANBU

This is classic abuse, he’s losing control and doesn’t like it so he’s gaslighting you to reel you in so that he has control over you.

Tell the police about this.

Good response. Try and and have a good day.

He's sounds like an absolute shit. The stunt in the hospital car park is terrifying.

Just thinking OP the law on child abduction works both ways - he has refused permission for you to take the children on holiday and by the same token you can refuse permission for him to take them out of the country. Or does he think it only works one way? I don't understand why the police didn't ask if you consent to his taking the children.

I think it's possible to let UK Borders know in advance.

I also think you might be able to get a one off permission from the court for your holiday. The courts are surely used to abusive men spitefully trying to control their exes by withholding permission to travel and a Jet2 holiday to Tenerife for example wouldn't be seen as an abduction risk.

You are not at all unreasonable. He sounds a bit unstable and obsessive tbh.

I'm a bloke btw.

He abused you for years @Sobaditsfunny and saw nothing wrong with that, even now he's been arrested he thinks he can talk you around, he'll make you feel guilty, you'll drop the charges, then he can come home and get on with making you pay. I don't think you'll let that happen, I really, really hope not.
It's clear he wants revenge if you stay away, if he takes your DC abroad he'll probably punish you by refusing to return them. In your place I'd get every legal order I could so that he can't take the DC abroad and can only see them in supervised contact. Ask the Police for advice and hopefully you can get legal aid with any costs. Please protect yourself and your DC, you can't afford the luxury of believing he's not a bad man

When you say you will take the children out, please do make sure that you have at least one other adult with you. If your ex-husband sees you there could well be trouble.

To be honest I think he is a massive flight risk and I think he would try to take the children with him. I think you should mention that to the police.

Sounds a horrible situation. Good luck.

Is the third party perverting the course of justice?
I think he sounds a dangerous manipulative man

Ah, I see- that’s a good response and don’t feel the need to get dragged jnto anything else. I hope you can find enough distractions for the weekend - waiting for something to happen is tough x

Sending but best wishes. You did the right thing

I get the guilt, I really do but this is how these abusive men behave. All nice when they want their way but he broke his bail conditions didn't he? Not you. You did the right thing.

Is this not another breach of his bail conditions? They must cover direct/indirect contact? You don’t have any obligation to respond.

Contact the police and ask how they would like you to respond. Tell them you are taking the children out for the day - then head for a new library, one the children have never been to, the playground near it and out to a new cafe for lunch. Or picnic at a new shopping centre.
There is no urgency for you to respond to him.
If you wish to, say the children are not available today and you await his solicitors letter regarding contact.

You have done the right thing.

It is his fault. Not yours.

The way you’re feeling - that’s exactly his plan, to try making you feel doubt and question yourself. But you are stronger than that. Keep yourself and your children safe by making sure he stays away. You got this.

I wasn't aiming to be mean - just practical. If you know you're likely to crumble (and I think this is not uncommon) you need to have strategies/plans in place.