Family didn’t pay

Have you asked them to pay?

Why did you go and pay for everyone if you wanted to split the bill? You invited them and paid so I think it’s clear why they have assumed you were paying. Extremely rude of them not to say thank you though.

If I was invited to a family meal I would presume I was paying for myself but would also expect some discussion around it such as shall we split the bill? Or do you want me to pay and then you pay me back?

I think when you invite people out for a meal many people assume that means it is on you to cover the bill. Lesson learned for next year! Sorry this happened to you, especially if jealousy is behind it!

If you invited them I would I expect you would pay the bill ? Unless you told them specifically otherwise

Usually if it hasn't been discussed beforehand the waiter arriving with the bill is a cue to sort out the bill and if splitting individually or by group etc.

if someone sneaks off to pay the bill, the assumption is because they are treating, not that they want to split it, if this is the case most people would say "i'll pay and then you all can send me your share tonight/tomorrow."

no one is a mind reader and your actions don't suggest someone who wants to split the bill.

obviously they should say thank you. The boat is irrelevant.

Everyone should have inquired (except kids), honestly… PARENTS INCLUDED.

I’s be so mortified to do that. Wow.

I would offer to give money for my share, I would have asked about the bill and if you’d told me you paid, I would have said thank you and meant it. Then I would have asked what the total was and given you money!

This.

And I'd say also strange not to thank you, as well as rude.

Surely it depends what normally happens in DH's family. I went for a meal with a similar group from my own family recently and DB paid for the whole meal, with us all knowing that the next time we do this, I will pay etc. etc.

Maybe your in laws have made an assumption that your arrangement works in a similar way.

I guess it’s different for everyone as anytime I’ve been invited out for someone’s birthday celebration usually they don’t pay for theirs and everyone just chips in a bit extra to cover the cost of the birthday persons meal! Never heard of the person whose birthday it is is meant to cover the cost of everyone’s meal 😅😂

Ah, ok

I voted YABU as your OP doesn't make it clear what had been said about payment for the meal.
Maybe they thought as you'd invited them and hadn't mentioned costs it had been paid for?

You invited people to join you to celebrate DH’s birthday. Thats accepted that you are paying, unless specifically stated otherwise.

Loved the nautical plot twist 😂

I voted YANBU purely because no one thanked you, which seems very rude.

In my family (and friendship circles) we all chip in - unless it's been made clear beforehand that someone is treating everyone else. But other families/groups of friends do things differently, as this thread (and many others) makes clear.

What's happened with previous family meals out, OP? That should have given you a heads up.

You paid and then never brought up splitting it! You're in the wrong

Honestly🤣

It’s never occurred to me anyone might be jealous of me, I find jumping to that really odd.

Regardless, very rude not to thank you even if their expectation was that you’d pay.

When I invite people out for a celebratory meal I pay. I don't think they were being cheeky. You absolutely should have made it clear if you wanted them to pay

No OP you are definitely not being unreasonable!!!

I would feel very hurt by this. Its a very kind suggestion to cover the bill and (even if expected) I would be upset no one thanked me for it. It’s basic manners. And no, in this scenario I wouldn’t be expecting the hosts to pay. People that say differently are either trolling or lacking manners 😞

So your loaded? Guessing there's a family expectation you and dh would pay

They didn’t just buy a boat, they purchased it.

Op, does your husband work for Radio Norwich by any chance?

This ^

I think this is a problem of your own making. If you don't want to settle the whole bill, don't settle the whole bill!

and this ^

Though, with the comments about the boat, and then the castle, I presume this is just to be considered a wind up now ?

Whenever we’ve been for a meal with anyone else we just tend to automatically split it. Unlike the time my DH for his birthday suggested his Dad just take him out for lunch as his present. When it came to the bill though his Dad thanked him for taking him out for lunch! So poor DH had to buy his own birthday lunch and his Dads!

In the past though, to make it clear it wasn’t a free meal, we usually say to people we’re off out for a meal and they can join us if they like, making a point of the saying the prices are reasonable so that’s usually a good enough hint. Also for my job I sometimes meet people in cafes, so I’m always very careful about how I word them getting a drink themselves so they don’t think I’m footing the bill myself. Still think you should have been thanked though, that’s pretty rude.

I would have assumed it was on you as you didn't mention money and paid discreetly... however now I see you have a boat I can see it from your perspective... she clearly should have said how much is our share. I can totally relate as my sil did the same as soon as she found out we had bought a hot tub from a fella on fb marketplace that was it expected to pay for all her mc donalds or kfc when we invite her.

I was going to say it was weird no one offered to pay or thank you.

However after the boat comment clearly they think you are loaded and good to pick up the tab. They didn’t thank you because either they think it’s no big deal to you or they think you were showing off by paying?

No it isnt
It is a perfectly normal response

You are invited out.
You see the spouse of the invitee paying
No bill comes to the table and no discussion about paying

You say happy birthday, see you soon , thanks to the birthday person a you leave.
You don't thank their spouse who paid the bill as you expect finances to be joint and it isnt their birthday