Really Annoyed This Morning ...

But do you not have in the things you like to eat? And does your partner not know what your favourite things are?

Lots of people show love through food/cooking/treats. It's not that uncommon.

I mean, each to their own and all that, but I would absolutely hate someone picking my food for me and deciding what "healthy treats and snacks" I was getting each day.

It really can creep up on you OP. These micro behaviours are a pain of a morning when you're stretched. I get this was one of those mornings where you feel swamped:

TV off until ready for school/bed
Tell DH to actually descend the stairs each morning with laundry and/or sh*t from upstairs
Tell him he cleans up after each meal no questions asked

But, you are a SAHM so the rest is up to you really.

My DH was like this 🙄. He wouldn’t even have taken the sheet off the bed when we first got together tbh… a result of growing up very privileged with a housekeeper who cooked, cleaned, laundered, ironed. I used to be furious when we’d both get in from work and he’d complain that the house wasn’t clean… I felt that it was a personal attack, but realised that he’d never really realised that these things needed doing. He works longer hours than me so I don’t mind doing a bit more housework, but this has to be accompanied by respect and that means putting things in the dishwasher, hanging up towels after they’re used and putting things in the laundry basket. I put in place a rule that if it wasn’t in the laundry basket it wasn’t getting washed!! He soon learnt 😁. Still hasn’t learnt to iron though 🙄… we now have a son and he’ll learn to iron his shirts as soon as it’s safe for him to do so 🤣. I’ll be damned if his future GF/BF/wife/husband has to pick up his dirty pants off the floor every day.

My DH packed me lunch on my first day of a new job a few years ago and it was full of lovely thoughtful things that made me smile as I unpacked it. And a whole pack of jaffa cakes which made me laugh out loud. People do things like that for people they love.

Well @CurlewKate I wasn't being snidey as you put it

To me, pots are pots. Not dishes, not glasses, not cups

So this thread has taught me that some people refer to all of the above as pots

No big deal, but you surely must be able to imagine that some posters use different language

I was picturing the DC with either. Pots with wooden spoons as a drum kit. Or potties. If the loo was downstairs. Sorry my mind didn't immediately jump to dishes.

I'll know better the next time

My youngest child is 2. I have 2 weekdays I don't go to work so on the days I do the stay at home role.

There are days I get literally nothing done, which is expected when looking after a toddler. But most of the time I manage a wash or two, put some clothes away, nip to the shop for bits we need, get dinner prepped, run the vac round, walk the dog etc. And sometimes I manage to do those things and go to a playgroup or see family.

I do it by including DD in things. She likes to "help" me chop veg or stir sauce and put things in the washing machine. She likes to move things out of the way while I pretend to vacuum them up. She LOVES the run round the park with the dog. I'm also quite lucky that she's pretty chilled so after we've run the legs off her and the dog, she's happy to sit with a drink and a biscuits and watch a bit of telly (I'll await the judgement) while I empty a load of washing or fold some up.

It is possible. Not 100% of the time, but it is possible.

Staggered by some of the responses on here suggesting that the OP should cook and clear up every night. Being a SAHP is utterly exhausting and going to work is a breeze in comparison. I’ve done both. When I was the WOHP and DH was the SAHP I would pretty much always get up 10 mins early to make sure kitchen was clear - then waltz out the door while he did battle with the rest of the day. It’s just to do with taking care of each other and understanding that both roles require dedication and commitment.

@MalcolmsMiddle
🤣🤣🤣🤣

I don't think the tv situation is anything that needs to be "tackled", like with hiding remotes or other suggestions that have been made. All you need to do is to tell your 6 year old that because they have been distracted with the tv in the mornings and not getting dressed when they should have been, then there is a new rule and there's no tv in the morning before going to school. The end.

To be honest, I can't believe you ever had enough time for tv in the mornings before school anyway! What time does your kid get up and what time do you need to leave the house for school?

I only learnt this from Chloe on Teen Mum UK! When she always complained Jordan never washed the pots I did think she meant he washed the plates and cutlery and glasses but left the pans. Which would be shit, if not quite as shit as never washing up at all.

I still didn't realise it could mean glasses. Even with knowing it can mean general washing up I still thought it meant plates and stuff, not that just drinking vessels would also be called pots. So I think the confusion is not entirely unjustified.

Your DH is going to work presumably bringing in the money for everything unless you have a trust fund. Tbh I would be expecting you to do the washing and pots in the dishwasher.

1. I work from home but less hours than DH-I cook, he and the kids clear the table, load the dishwasher, wipe down the table and sides and empty the bins.
2. I will do washing that has made it to the washing bin; you chuck it on the floor then it stays there until you either put it in the wash bin or bring it downstairs
3. I have 3 children and 1 DH-he is not my child so he has to be part of the team that is involved with doing stuff within the house when he’s home .

I am guessing it is easier for you to deal with the TV issue rather than the husband problem.

Ha, I was going to say the same.

If DH decided to make me a "nice lunchbox with treats and healthy snacks" I'd think he needed to see a doctor, lol.

I also don't think sah is the hardest job. But it is often boring and relentless. And a sahp shouldn't be on duty 24/7. It's still reasonable to expect a wohp to share in domestic tasks and child care , when they are home.

‘and enjoy putting a lunch (or tea, depending on his shift) box together for my DH. I put little treats in and healthy snacks too’

It sounds like you’re talking about a five-year-old

Sorry @Y0URSELF, I don't agree.
When I was a SAHM I did do the housework too. When DS was too little for preschool, I would, for instance, put him a load of toys on the landing (with the stairgate closed) while I cleaned the bathroom (with the door open so I was watching him/ talking to him etc. and obviously ensuring he wasn't anywhere near cleaning products).
I don't believe that any SAHP is constantly engaging/ interacting solely with their child the entire time their OH is at work.

I hate this ‘looking after your child is harder than any job’ that always gets put said on Mumsnet. I worked part time when mine were younger and my days with my children were a privilege. Yes they were hard but I was in charge of my day, could focus entirely on my child and had time to keep my house looking decent. Work is work, it can be interesting but it has never given me the joy I had with my own children.

Yeahhh no advice OP, but a gentle nod in understanding. My DC’s & DH are the same. Kids are kids but you expect a fully grown man to have something about him… I just remind him (shouldn’t have to) but he does it once reminded… and it’s one less thing for me to do.

I have a strict ‘not in the basket not getting washed’ I assume if it’s been left out it’s to wear again (even if it is worn socks or quite clearly dirty). Once he runs out of clean socks he’ll get the message.

And what rules are you putting in place for the kids? 😉

Just load the dishwasher, wash the sheets and chalk it up to experience. Do you really want to go back to work where people are telling you what to do all day? Crap to that! Delight in being a stay at home mum, it's much more fun. As to housework, what you can't do in twenty minutes is not worth the bother. Love and support.

Well her youngest child is under two. So I’m assuming that her work isn’t “just housework “. I’m assuming it’s full time care for a toddler and part time care for7 year old .

And then FT care for these children for two days a week and 13 weeks a year.

Try hiring someone to do that and then arguing that it isn’t really work.

I'm sure plenty of men (and women) lived very differently before they got into relationships, yes.

When you live alone, you can leave your pants and socks on the floor and empty mugs by your bed - simply because it doesn't impact anyone else. At the end of the day, not everyone cares about having clean floors or keeping on top of the laundry or the dishes.

I suspect there are lots of people out there who only do the housework they do because they have a partner and they don't want to cause a row.