Really Annoyed This Morning ...

HelenTherese2
There was pee on the sheet- that means potentially a wet floor from pee- that’s a bit of a difference! And who cares what is easier, everyone’s life is different because we all have different things to do places to get to etc. I have 4 kids, work longer hours in retail run around less pay (and now thanks to Covid get chest pains when I pick up heavy boxes which is daily!!) but my friend who has a shorter working day and one child goes to her mum who has dementia and helps her out every day, then goes over again at life. She’s got a much harder life

No idea what your last post is about.
And I can have a different opinion to yours?
I wonder what proportion of ALL domestic tasks the OPs husband does?

Our school run rule used to be no TV in the morning until everyone is ready to walk out of the door, including shoes on, bag in hand. It worked well for a surprisingly long time.

Definitely no tv in the morning.

I'm a single parent to a 1 and 3 year old and have just returned to work 4 days pw. I'm anal about the house being spotless and - as I'm on my own - responsible for all household tasks.

Mornings run smoothly entirely because there's a routine and no TV. I get up and shower quickly, get kids up and take them downstairs where their clothes have been laid out the previous night, make their breakfasts and use the time while they're eating to chat, have a cup of tea, empty dishwasher and put on a load of washing, feed the baby yoghurt/fruit while toddler eats his porridge, then dress baby in the kitchen while toddler finishes, dress toddler, wipe down the surfaces and get my stuff together while they play for 10 min, pick up their bags (packed the previous evening) then out the door to childminder and either train to office (central London) or back home to work.

I think having another adult - who isn't pulling their weight - is much harder than doing it yourself. In your position I would ban TV in the morning, at the very least until they are up, dressed, fed and ready to leave. I would also stop making your husband's lunches and tell him that when you cook, you expect him to load and turn on the dishwasher.

He stripped the bed. He is off to work. OP is at home all day and running the house is her current job (unpaid, sadly, the Wages for Housework campaign did not resonate in the UK, but it should have) so dish washer and washing machine are her infrastructure and work tools. DH ought to be co-parenting when at home and taking load of OP's shoulders in the evenings and week-ends (or days off).

DC should not be watching TV in pyjamas on the morning of a school day. Get dressed and have breakfast, pack school bag etc before TV (there will not be time). If showering etc is taking morning time, do baths before bedtime instead, which gets one problem out of the way (and makes DCs sleepy). DH can do own packed lunch - or buy lunch at work - and DC could have school dinners (I never packed lunches for anyone, including myself, unless there was an off-site outing involved, packed lunches are unnecessary hassle and I liked to read the paper in the morning and listen to music - exDH got DCs to childminder, not me).
OP is doing too much in the way of chores here and needs to discuss with DH how to organise mornings better. Going back to work is a really boring option when one can do so much at home both with DCs and in one's own interest.

It makes zero difference to the effort of the sheet was in the hamper or on the floor. Zero if it was going to be washed straight away.

I’ve done both; worked and SAHM. Working is far harder. Looking after kids and a house is an absolute piece of cake compared to going to work. Especially if one of the kids is at school.

Mine is. My priority is kids and other things at home. Once dh is home we split everything as it’s both our time ‘off’. Works great. But then he is a lovely person!

So the op has enough to do and is clearly stressed (we don’t actually know her reasons for being a sahp) and some of the answers are to “get back to work” so she can have more work to do?

I don’t think her husband is going to magically be more respectful if she doubles her workload, but ok.

Omg I literally posted that 3 days ago, I don't even care any more.

So the OP's husband has to work full time plus extra hours..? Oh wait, of course they both do! That's normal adult life. She's in the house, he's out at work. If she was out at work and he was in the house, I'd expect him to do the same. If it was a Saturday and OP was taking 7yo out somewhere, and she spotted that 2yo had peed the bed and stripped it but was rushing out, I'd expect him to stick the washing on as he had a day off. It's really not that deep, and I've clarified multiple times if you care to actually read the thread.

Ideally the kitchen would be done before bed. It clearly wasn't. In that case, I'd expect whoever is in the house to sort it in the morning. As I've said I'd do if WFH.

Also lolling at SAHM to a 16 and 19yo... PP is just unemployed with a rich husband

This is probably not popular but I'm not sure I've ever come across a family with a SAHP that is actually balanced. It defaults to everything to do with the home, family, cleaning is for the SAHP because the other goes out to work.
I agree with PPs saying get yourself back to work, get an identity back outside of the home and tell your lazy husband he needs to pick up some slack. DH and I both work full time, everything else still gets done.

She washes the clothes that are in the laundry basket

So I assume he knows where to put them

So the OP has to work full time plus extra hours?

Or is the domestic side of life just one big holiday?

If she cooks, he clears up. As should the children when they're old enough

And he certainly picks up his own clothes!

I think most people got the gist...

It just saves listing the actual objects.

So everyone knows it means stuff that needs washing up.

Is this the most important part of the thread?

@MrsToriCostner I hope you're going to have a very straight talk about this?

You are not the housekeeper

Some days we all need a rant! Hope you feel better for it <3

I guess if this is something you're ranting/feeling bad about multiple times a week then it might be time to have a chat with your husband about dividing the tasks in the house, and then bringing your kids into the discussion so it feels fairer?

All the people saying 'why are you making your husbands lunch' feels tough. If that's how it's been working in your house then it's not unreasonable that that's something you do for one another. In my household I do the 90% of the laundry and my husband does 90% of the cooking, even to the point where if he's going away for work he'll often batch cook ahead of time and leave stuff in the fridge. Does he have to do this? No. I'm perfectly capable of cooking and tell him this. But it's something he does because he loves us. So if making your husbands lunch is something you want to do, that's what works for your family. If it's no longer working for you, then you and the family need to rethink together as a team.

Good luck!

I have never been a SAHM but if I was I would expect to do the laundry, cooking etc. One child is at school too. Not necessarily doing every single thing but you sound like you want him to behave like its his role too and you dont work out of the house.

Sorry but go back to work and have a talk about divving up the household chores if you would prefer.

OH also took the sheet off the bed so clearly he is doing something.

Why would that be bizarre? Lol have you never taken food or snacks to your bedroom with you?

I agree with everything you've said @soosal except I would argue being a SAHP is definitely still 'work' - it's just unpaid work imo. It is definitely still a job & I was a SAHP for many years & I worked bloody hard at it and still do even though my kids are now 19 & 16. My kids are at the forefront of everything I do whereas I know they aren't as much for my DH especially now they are older & more independent. I allowed my DH to fully focus on his career & be able to travel abroad without it causing any stress or hassle (to him) at all. I also now sleep badly as a consequence as I was always 'on duty' & totally tuned in to the wants & needs of my kids. I wouldn't have had it any other way as we had no nearby family to provide regular childcare but it was exhausting for me especially when I've been ill or.

Tell me you didn’t read the thread without telling me you didn’t read the thread……

Pots in some bits of the country (like where I am) mean dirty plates/bowls etc.

TV on in the morning during the week is asking for trouble.
It dulls the brain for hours.
You are the stay at home parent so I would expect that you wash up as you prepare the family meals during the week.
The cook should always wash up after themselves or they create an almighty mess and don't care.
Discuss who washes the plates (you or DH) - I would get the kids to dry and put away.

It is sensible for DH to remove the damp sheet straight away. Once he is ready to go past the laundry I would expect him to put it in the basket. You would decide when to wash and with what else.

Lunch - if you like to make lunch and he says thanks - what is wrong with that, particularly if you control the meal plans and food shop?

Part of the bedtime routine could be the kids seeing their tomorrow clothes ready and their dirty clothes in the wash basket. Other ideas for morning would be for DH to dress (or oversee dressing) one child and you the other, every morning.

I would expect some working together for weekend cleaning and some fun family times on the weekend.
I would expect DH to help out if ever I asked specifically due to feeling over burdened for any reason. (and he should be free to ask the same.)

TV was not allowed on in my house in the morning before school.

There needs to be a middle ground here and I haven’t seen one so I’m bringing one.

Sure, you can make your husband lunch. Why not? Why’s everyone so against it? However, if you are going to kindly make him lunch, he needs to be pulling his weight. It doesn’t matter if he works and you don’t. He has working hours and if he does nothing at home then your whole life becomes work which is unfair and will leave you overwhelmed and irritable.

Youre not ‘moaning’ at him to pick the sheet up, you’re giving direction because as much as we would love it not to be the case, often husbands lack initiative in the home.

Since having our first child, I had to give my husband directions on what I needed help with. He wanted to help but he ‘didn’t know how’. At first I found that annoying because weaponised incompetence but the man genuinely couldn’t think. After a couple of months of constant direction, he now sees the baby rubs his eyes and picks him up and takes him for a nap. He cleans the kitchen every night whilst I put baby to bed. If I’m stuck with my very clingy little one, he’ll start breakfast. It’s been amazing. Communication is everything guys!! Everything!!

No, that is fundamentally not what a SAHM is. Being a SAHM does not mean you do all the housework. Shit men have got it made because women believe this. Who gives a shit if a two year old is "not a full time job". (Depends on the two year old.) I parent while my husband is at work. I am a stay at home MOTHER, not a stay at home cook and bottle-washer. When he gets home, he can contribute equally to the household he lives in and to the care of the children he fathered. And because he is not a shitheel, he would not debate this. I do all night wakings (younger son only a year but his brother still woke in the night at two and older, many children do.) I'm on duty 24/7, he sleeps a solid 8-9 hours, why would the work he does outside the home be more important than the care of our child?

Go back to work is everyone's answer, but a man who will shit on you when there's a financial imbalance of power is one who will do it later for some other reason. People act like the man earning the money deserves fucking worship, the woman has to do EVERYTHING else because he is "funding her lifestyle." Bollocks to that. My work facilitates HIS lifestyle where he wants children and wants one of us to care for them. He would probably be a pretty good SAHD actually but he likes his job. So many men act like their wives owe them the earth for "getting to be" a SAHM but they don't even want to take their SPL let alone anything more, and a lot of them secretly know their jobs are easier for them personally than being home with a baby/toddler. Fine if OP wants her 2 year old in childcare (I wouldn't, though it makes people very defensive to say so) but she shouldn't have to do it because her husband thinks her being home means she has to pick up his dirty socks and the trail of debris he leaves from doing basic tasks. What a prick.

Hmm. HRTFT but surely the point of being a SAHM is that you do do the 'housewifely stuff' that you wouldn't do if you were out working? You look after the children and drive them about, take them to appointments and clubs etc, but also do the cooking and cleaning etc?

A 7 year old is at school, so even if the 2 year old is at home all day it's not a full time job. You would surely unload the dishwasher?

I agree your DH ought to be able to make his own packed lunch - this was always a bone of contention with me and DH - but I did feel the rest was down to me. I had twins and stayed home while he went to work - why would I not expect to change the sheets, tidy the house and do all those sort of jobs? Isn't that what a SAHM is?

But I agree with PPs - turn the TV off if that is distracting. My two were the same age (obviously....) but you have a big gap so they aren't going to like the same programmes. Better just to say no TV!