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Original poster

Really Annoyed This Morning ...

355 replies

MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:34

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

OP posts:
Finlesswonder · 02/02/2024 10:22

Snowdropsarecoming · 02/02/2024 10:13

I’m a sahm.

What was going in with the dishes? Who usually does them? How did you know know they weren’t done. Normally DH and I alternate, one night one parent baths the kids while the other sorts the kitchen. DH is away this week so I’ve chosen meals which require less cleaning up afterwards.

No TVs in the morning. Do the kids not have a set routine? In our house at 8 all take our dishes to the sink and then go upstairs for teeth brushing and the kids get dressed. Same thing every school morning. You need set routines and timings so everyone knows where they stand and no mental energy is used trying to figure out what’s going on.

I only wash clothes but in the washing basket. My 4 year old knows this. I wouldn’t be picking up after an adult.

WTF? You don't wash your DPs clothes? Does your DP have a separate bin, separate meals too?

lotsofpeoplenametheirswords · 02/02/2024 10:21

'But why are there dishes in bedrooms?? Bizarre.'

There absolutely NOTHING bizarre about it!!

Nttttt · 02/02/2024 10:17

Scarydinosaurs · 02/02/2024 09:44

I really feel for you.

I’ve been there - and this is now what I do:

  1. Don’t make anyone their lunch. Even my youngest has made their own from age 7.
  2. TV off in the morning. When it is on, no one listens.
  3. Only wash your own clothes and children’s clothes.
  4. Tell your DH to do the kitchen. Not every day - he needs to use his eyes and see it needs doing. But don’t bottle it up - don’t rely on mind reading. It should be obvious, but it isn’t. Every morning/evening now my DH does the kitchen as I do every dinner (with timings for work, this works for us).

A 7 year old makes their own lucnh?????

Newsenmum · 02/02/2024 10:15

I agree no more packed lunch for dh! Have a sit down and chat with him later.

Snowdropsarecoming · 02/02/2024 10:13

I’m a sahm.

What was going in with the dishes? Who usually does them? How did you know know they weren’t done. Normally DH and I alternate, one night one parent baths the kids while the other sorts the kitchen. DH is away this week so I’ve chosen meals which require less cleaning up afterwards.

No TVs in the morning. Do the kids not have a set routine? In our house at 8 all take our dishes to the sink and then go upstairs for teeth brushing and the kids get dressed. Same thing every school morning. You need set routines and timings so everyone knows where they stand and no mental energy is used trying to figure out what’s going on.

I only wash clothes but in the washing basket. My 4 year old knows this. I wouldn’t be picking up after an adult.

Heather37231 · 02/02/2024 10:12

MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 10:01

It's not about me doing everything. It's more to do with the dumping of the sheet, can't bring the glasses down correctly and picking up of the socks that has pissed me off!

Agree about the TV. Needs sorting.

Show quote history

Just hide the remotes.

My DS is allowed a little bit of iPad in the morning but only if he is fully dressed, breakfast eaten and teeth cleaned and we have a bit of time to kill. And the rule is that if he ever complains about turning it off as soon as we need to leave, he will never have it again.

LadyBird1973 · 02/02/2024 10:10

Have a word tonight about it. Your job is to look after the kids and home while he works, it isn't to do absolutely everything 24/7. When he's home, he ought to contribute to normal activities. You aren't asking him to deep clean the skirting boards before work, only to bring down glasses and put his own laundry in the wash. The latter is basic self care, that all adults have to do. It's just disrespectful to leave it, in the assumption that you will go round the house and mop up after him!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/02/2024 10:10

Finlesswonder · 02/02/2024 10:10

If you're sahm isn't this your job?

Oh great, another one thinking EVERYTHING is OP's responsibility.

Finlesswonder · 02/02/2024 10:10

If you're sahm isn't this your job?

W0tnow · 02/02/2024 10:07

No TV in the morning. Ever. Ev-er! Hide the remote the night before. Clean the kitchen the night before, and make it a team effort. Everyone pitches in.

I can’t stress enough the no TV in the morning thing.

1AngelicFruitCake · 02/02/2024 10:06

MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 10:03

MrsToriCostner
I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

@1AngelicFruitCake i'm not sure what you mean by that?

Sounds like @1AngelicFruitCake is saying everything is your responsibility

@Idontjetwashthefucker she should just spit it out then instead of going around the houses.

Wow you’re rude aren’t you? Wish I’d not bothered to offer advice when I thought you were asking for it?

Try being this direct with your own husband!

1AngelicFruitCake · 02/02/2024 10:04

No I’m not saying everything is your responsibility what I mean is if you know you’ve got time each day to gradually get ready then maybe your time isn’t being used as efficiently as it could be. I know when I’m at work I manage to get the children ready and a quick tidy up to be out by half seven but when I take them myself I find it a mad rush to get out of the house for 8:20. It’s weird but I’ve come to the conclusion I need to be stricter with my time on those days because otherwise, like you, I get myself really stressed and I don’t achieve half as much as I could.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 02/02/2024 10:04

Heather37231 · 02/02/2024 10:02

Smug really isn’t a good look.

Show quote history

Nor is bitchy to stranger on the internet!!

The OP knows it’s achievable , just annoying!

Original poster
MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 10:03

MrsToriCostner
I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

@1AngelicFruitCake i'm not sure what you mean by that?

Sounds like @1AngelicFruitCake is saying everything is your responsibility

@Idontjetwashthefucker she should just spit it out then instead of going around the houses.

OP posts:
Heather37231 · 02/02/2024 10:02

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 02/02/2024 09:57

With love. This morning I got 2 kids on the bus for 7.40, made packed lunches and breakfast, stripped Dds bed and put on a wash, filled the dishwasher and put it on, wiped the surfaces. Then started work.

So, don’t make a grown man a packed lunch, but the rest when you don’t have to work today seems pretty achievable if I’m honest.

I do understand how him being there and being useless is frustrating though!

Edited to add - WTF is the tv doing on in the morning???? HUGE mistake!!

Edited

Smug really isn’t a good look.

Original poster
MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 10:01

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 02/02/2024 09:57

With love. This morning I got 2 kids on the bus for 7.40, made packed lunches and breakfast, stripped Dds bed and put on a wash, filled the dishwasher and put it on, wiped the surfaces. Then started work.

So, don’t make a grown man a packed lunch, but the rest when you don’t have to work today seems pretty achievable if I’m honest.

I do understand how him being there and being useless is frustrating though!

Edited to add - WTF is the tv doing on in the morning???? HUGE mistake!!

Edited

It's not about me doing everything. It's more to do with the dumping of the sheet, can't bring the glasses down correctly and picking up of the socks that has pissed me off!

Agree about the TV. Needs sorting.

OP posts:
LadyBird1973 · 02/02/2024 10:01

Regardless of time management though, it's the family's attitude that's the real issue - kids not listening to mum, husband treating her like his personal assistant.
I'm okay with making food for my dh if he's working. It's not a big deal. But it would be if he was taking me for granted or thought that having a job meant taking no responsibility for anything that needs doing in the home.

Heather37231 · 02/02/2024 10:00

MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:56

In fairness, I did ask him if he wanted me to make the packed lunch, to which he obviously said " yes please "

In the words of Julia Roberts
”Big mistake. HUGE.”
😀

Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/02/2024 10:00

MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:58

I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

@1AngelicFruitCake i'm not sure what you mean by that?

Sounds like @1AngelicFruitCake is saying everything is your responsibility

Original poster
MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:58

I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

@1AngelicFruitCake i'm not sure what you mean by that?

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 02/02/2024 09:57

With love. This morning I got 2 kids on the bus for 7.40, made packed lunches and breakfast, stripped Dds bed and put on a wash, filled the dishwasher and put it on, wiped the surfaces. Then started work.

So, don’t make a grown man a packed lunch, but the rest when you don’t have to work today seems pretty achievable if I’m honest.

I do understand how him being there and being useless is frustrating though!

Edited to add - WTF is the tv doing on in the morning???? HUGE mistake!!

Original poster
MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:56

In fairness, I did ask him if he wanted me to make the packed lunch, to which he obviously said " yes please "

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 02/02/2024 09:55

To give a different view, I would see your responsibility in the week to clear things up. I think you need a more regimented approach to mornings, get dressed, breakfast, tv as a reward or whatever works for you. Use the pre-school run to quickly clean up the kitchen. I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

Original poster
MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:54

LadyBird1973 · 02/02/2024 09:49

Start with the kids - if they aren't listening to you, turn the tv off and say it doesn't go on in the morning until they are dressed.
I'm guessing your husband is at work now, so unless you were willing to leave it all until he comes home, you're probably stuck with doing it today. But definitely you need to be having a serious discussion about you not being the family's skivvy and he needs to pull his weight domestically. This isn't a favour for you btw, it's an adult man doing his share of child/home related tasks.

And ask him why he thinks it's okay, or remotely attractive, for you to be doing extra tasks for him, while he behaves like an additional child?

I need to tackle this tv situation and get strict on it because it's a daily occurrence and I'm just letting it happen.

OP posts:
LadyBird1973 · 02/02/2024 09:54

Just because a woman is a sahp, it doesn't follow that the rest of the family gets to just dump their shit anywhere, in the assumption that she should clean it up.
It's normal to bring your own glasses to the kitchen or bring down dirty laundry to be washed. Yes, the sahp will naturally end up doing much more housework but they aren't the personal servant of the wohp!
The wohp is already benefitting by knowing the kids are taken care of and having very little that they need to be responsible for in that sense.