Really Annoyed This Morning ...

I think you need to approach your SAHMness as a job. But. TBH I don't think him taking off the sheet was unreasonable, for eg. It saves all the damp soaking into the mattress. As a SAHM I am going to presume that at least the bulk of the laundry falls to you?

You need to have a conversation about what each of you expects your set-up to look like. For eg. who will be responsible for what and when (for us it was: while he was at work i was responsible for child (priority) housework (2nd priority) and when he got home we were 50/50 for everything. Some days i got loads done, some days, not so much.

Or you go back to work outside the home and divide things appropriately to how many hours each of you is at home.

Not read the thread but you count you know. Just because you stay at home and look after the children and the house it doesn't mean you don't matter as a person in your own right. You don't need to run round behind your husband as though he is more important because he works a job outside of the home.

I wonder if you could perhaps not have TV in the mornings? It's easier to install things like this when they're still young.

Take some time for you too and don't lose yourself.

Lots of non events here which most of us can manage whilst working full time too! If you are a SAHM (and I was one too when my kids were smaller) you do have the bandwidth to do this but you just need to be organised.

Make the husbands packed lunch at the same time as you do the kids. It doesn’t take any longer and you have to do the kids anyway.

Lay the kids clothes out the night before if you aren’t a morning person and the 7 year old can then get dressed without supervision. Make sure the expectation is that they are dressed before they come downstairs for breakfast and TV

It doesn’t take any longer to put clothes in the washing machine whether they were on the floor or in a laundry basket. Stop getting irritated by this and just make sure you are keeping on top of the laundry. You would have had to wash the sheets anyway if there had been a leak so your husband saved you stripping the bed and at least you didn’t find out they were dirty as you were going to bed tonight!

Kids aren’t allowed to take dishes to their bedrooms from now on. If you or your husband do, just bring them down with you when you are coming down for breakfast?

Put your dirty pots and pans in the dishwasher as you empty them when cooking, then it’s only plates and glasses which need to be loaded after dinner - not a big deal. Emptying it the next morning should be your job really as you are not rushing out to work in the morning and can do it at any point before it’s all needed again for lunch or dinner

Time for a few rule changes then!!

Washing goes in the basket if it's not in there - it won't get washed! I get that you wouldn't leave the bed sheet where it was for obvious reasons but it wouldn't have hurt for DH to have put it in the basket or put it in the washing machine.
No TV until up, washed, dressed and breakfast eaten. Shoes on and school bags ready for literally going out the door before any TV or other screen time.
Pots (yep it is a northern expression as I learned when I moved north!) aka cups etc - not to go upstairs!! But even my DH can be a pita when he leaves washing up above the dishwasher rather than in it!! So all food and drinks consumed downstairs and cleared away when finished with.
Don't do Butty boxes unless you really have time. The night before is better and DH can do his own.
Anything else you can think of that will make your life easier - set the rules and then stick with them and make your the family does too.

There is Nothing better that tv and comfort food in bed when you’re both worn out!! We don’t tend to eat upstairs in our new house but we’d take a cup of tea etc. I love that you have pizza etc there!

I don't understand 'throwing shade'- it isn't an expression in the north-east. We don't throw shades up here. Bizarre!

Depends. I was away Mon-Weds this week and him Thurs-Sat. It’s just easier for us to be responsible for our own +DD so we have what we need when we need it.

As above, that wasn’t my intention. I had to have DH (Yorkshireman) explain what some things meant to me when I met his family. And he mine.

Hey, I wasn’t throwing shade. I’m in the south wales valleys which has its own language that sometimes needs explaining to the uninitiated!

Honestly, the number of snotty posts about a couple of glasses in bedrooms and the 'northern people', 'up there' using the word 'pots' to mean crockery/glass !
I hadn't realised no one in the south of England ever takes a mug of tea or glass of water into their bedroom. It's clearly a northern vulgarity. I must tell DH and PIL so we stop ever doing that and tell him his Yorkshire dialect is unintelligible to Mnetters south of Watford Gap.

Oh dear @MrsToriCostner I can feel your frustration loud and clear

1. stop doing stuff for your husband and stop offering to make his lunch. He's a grownup, he can sort himself out

2. no TV in the mornings. Start tomorrow. Enforce it. If they are ready on time and there is time to spare, they can read or play but no TV before school

3. teach DC1 (how) to get uniform / bag etc ready the night before, it'll keep them in good stead for the future

4. enforce with your husband: whoever makes dinner, the other does the kitchen. On the day and before going to bed so it isn't left until the following day

Have a think about what other changes you want and make it happen. If you want it to change, snap out of it

Absolutely! It's a wonder these Home Counties types can understand a word that comes out of our quaint old northern mouths!

Makeitmakesensetoday · Today 09:43
**
But why are there dishes in bedrooms?? Bizarre.”

My husband is disabled. Works full time and knackered by dinner time. We often eat it in bed, watching telly, so he can lay down. It’s great!
Used to eat pizza in bed watching Morse when we first got married 😁

Wow OK I must be a minority then. Sometimes I do the laundry, sometimes he does, but we just wash each others stuff. Same with cooking. Otherwise isn't it just like you're housemates who occasionally have sex 😅

I think if a sheet has wee on it, the priority is to get it off the bed so it doesn’t soak through to the mattress, and I wouldn’t want the wee touching other clothes in the washing basket, or potentially getting scrunched up and left there for hours/days.
put in machine ready to go on when a full load ready, maybe, but on floor so not really so bad, all things considered.

In the evening:

• Bring any pots down from rooms upstairs
• Have a fun activity with your DH showing him how to make a packed lunch.
• Lay clothes out for each child so you never have to worry about lost socks again.
• Hide the remotes. No TV until they're dressed and breakfasted. Better yet, no TV at all.

If you want him to wash up, you should ask. It's fine to let things go in the evening sometimes. My DH cooks, and generally I wash up, but sometimes I just leave them. If you need things clean for the next morning then it's worth just mentioning it rather than risking seething in the morning.

I mean it's just perspective isn't it, he stripped the bed? That's potentially helpful. Had he put it in the wash basket you might not have noticed it/forgotten to stick it in the wash and the pissy sheets would have sat there all day. Yeah okay he could have put it in the machine but given that he's getting ready for work and under more time pressure I can see why he didn't.

Yes it would have been nice if he'd done the kitchen, but did you ask? We have a general agreement one cooks, one cleans up. If the cleaner is too busy/really cba, we communicate that. I'm not trying to be smug, just don't understand why you don't just speak about it.

Wtf to PPs who don't do anything for their partners 😂 separate cooking... Why on earth

If you want something to change say it loud and clear, don’t huff and puff about it.

“DH can you please fill the dishwasher before you leave for work”

”DH, socks belong in the wash basket, move them please”

“DH I asked you to bring down the empty glasses please go back upstairs and do it”

and stop making his lunch. If you treat someone like a child, they’ll act like one.

Very much not a SAHP but no, I don’t wash DH’s clothes (not he mine) or make him food more than once a month, maybe? He cooks his, I cook mine and someone cooks for DD.

I would have said these were the words to use when speaking to him later, but the last bit gives him an out.

In all my working life I never made a packed lunch in the morning. Always done the night before, in the fridge overnight. Obviously the ingredients came out of the fridge and a few minutes later went back into the fridge so no impact on quality. Once the dinner was cleared the lunchboxes lined up on the counter with non perishables already in, just chuck in the sandwiches in the morning

I'd actually be pretty annoyed if my stay at home partner didn't make my lunch along with the kids' lunches.
Assuming I was putting my salary into a joint account I would think it's fair to expect them to work too, even if that did just mean housework etc. (assuming I was working full time).
(I am a woman. I was once the stay at home partner and could completely understand that we both had to pull out weight.)
I kind of get the socks thing though. Not the sheet. I'd have wanted it off the bed as soon as, but I wouldn't have wanted my OH to start the wash as I would never wash a sheet on its own.

WTF? You don't wash your DPs clothes? Does your DP have a separate bin, separate meals too?

@Finlesswonder I am not the poster you are responding to but yes, my DH has his own laundry basket in our bedroom, as do DS and I. I would not want my clothes mixed up with their smelly stuff!! I also don’t want to be responsible for making sure his stuff doesn’t shrink, colour run etc.

I do DS and me, DH sorts out his own.

I’m not a SAHM but I don’t think it would be unreasonable for a SAHM to do the same.
I remember my Dad in the mornings shouting at my Mum “Gladys, where are my clean underpants?” And Mum ironing all his shirts. Fuck that.

Meals are entirely different because unlike with laundry eating them as a family is actually a pleasurable thing.

How is this a good solution? Her youngest isnt even 2 it's better shes home, why put your kid in nursery with randoms if you don't have to? Give your head a wobble! OP, remind your DH that you're not his slave!