Really Annoyed This Morning ...

Nobody seriously could fail to work out what the OP meant by "pots" could they? I hate this snidey stuff.

Easy know you don't live with any teenagers.... you never know what they could have in their bedrooms. Could easily be a pot, as in saucepan!
I just tell them to bring down everything.... occasionally they do & it's not pretty 🤮

Urghhhhhhh I hate this view with a passion

Why do some people suddenly become incompetent and unable to pick up after themselves when they have a SAH partner. It’s just basic respect to pick your own socks up off the floor and not throw them down expecting your OH to do it for you. I don’t even pick up my child’s socks (10yrs) who knows to put them in the wash basket, so why should I be expected to pick up after a grown adult man just because he has a job 😂 YUK

It's very annoying that the sheet and socks weren't put in the laundry basket. I think it's acceptable to put it in the machine and not turn it on - it's not a full load and you may have wanted to add to it. I also don't think it's unreasonable to make him lunch, if you're doing everyone else's. Although, maybe DH should make lunches for all instead. Agree TV is a thief of time in the morning.

I’ve stopped making DH his lunch for work now and I don’t pick up any of his clothes off the floor - I do all of the washing but only if it is in the wash basket. As annoying as it is that there are often his clothes on the floor next to his side of the bed he has now got the hint and does move them.

We also have a no screen rule before school or no one is ever ready in time. They got used to it pretty quickly and wouldn’t ask now as it’s been a couple of years and mornings run so much more smoothly.

My DH is also irritating in terms of the lack of help around the house and expectation that I’ll sort everything so I do sympathise!

Not sure why so many comments about the word ‘pots/dishes’ 😂 we often have glasses in our bedrooms and I’ll ask DS to bring the pots down, meaning any glasses etc that may be up there.

I hear you. I work two days a week, DP has a full on full time job. On rare mornings when he gets DD, 5, dressed and takes her to school, he leaves the house in a total state and there's just no need. He would definitely dump that wet sheet on the floor. It's very annoying.

Then don't askhim again . You're a SAHM not a servant.

You must be in a minority, yes. Most people in relationships feel secure enough to be comfortable having their own lives without feeling like they’re housemates.
My DH and I do our own washing, and cook our own meals. I don’t like how he washes clothes and we don’t like to eat the same things. And this will blow your mind- we also have separate finances 🤯

Well no a real partnership is when you're contributing 50/50

Why is picking up her husband's socks her reaponsibility? Why can't he help do the kitchen? Your standards must be very low.
I work part time and my husband still does the chores he sees need doing. It's called a partnership.

It could be the first step in re-establishing a more equal power dynamic. Some men have no respect for the woman at home.

Get yourself a smart plug [goes between the tv and the socket] and an app that goes with it. Program it so that the TV can't receive any power until a specific time on a weekday/weekend and powers off at a suitable bed time if the kids have access to a separate one.

I'm a bit ambivalent about the sheet. Horrid to leave it on the bed, also horrid to stick it in the laundry basket and make everything else stink including the basket. But should have brought it downstairs on his way.

Yr 6 is old enough to be getting his clothes out the night before. I would charge up his routine. Good training for year 7 when he'll have a lot more to think about including what books he needs for the day so the night before routine is a godsend if you get it right now.

Kitchen - if you're going to go to bed early then I'd be setting expectation that you'd like DH to do something. Yes you cooked the meal, but far easier for both of you to make the clearing up/bedtime a group effort. If you have to deal with sick kids, then be clear in your expectation that you want the kitchen cleared up even if he is knackered. If you just want to collapse in a heap on the sofa, most spouses would take that as a green light that tomorrow will do just fine.

There is no way I would be making a lunch for a man like this.

You should not be picking stuff up off the floor. It is demeaning to pick up your husband‘s washing off the floor. I would not touch it and put it in a pile for him to wash.

I wonder if you will take on any of the suggestions here or will you carry on being a stay at home drudge like so many on mumsnet? I hope this thread helps you change things.

don't make the kids lunches either when the time comes!

Am I missing something here?
You were running around trying to get things ready downstairs.

The mornings are busy for all.
You have two parents present in the household.
Does DH help hurry them along in the morning too? Or is he completely hands off because its not his job if you are there?

Ok OP, here’s what I would do:

In our house after dinner, everyone helps clear up and load dishwasher etc, and anyone who needs one makes their lunches for the following day.

I’d say no telly in the mornings until everyone is completely ready. Take the remote upstairs with you last thing at night if that helps break the habit??

So unplug it, take batteries out of the remote. Or just get rid of it.

@MrsToriCostner, I know what you mean its the half arsed effort of saying they helped. That's the problem. No, TV in this house at all in the morning, and all phones are locked until 8 am. That way, everyone's ready for then. Definitely sort the TV out. If you leave at 8.30, say they can have it at 8 as long as they are ready, then that gives you a little bit of time to sort things while they are occupied.

You need to work out a strategy in advance.

DH packs his own lunch the night before. Kitchen is cleaned by both of you the night before (unless there's a good reason like illness or a late night for some reason). Breakfast table set, all clothes for DCs set out including underwear, socks, shoes, gloves, hats, bags, water bottles ready for filling- everything should be ready to go. Your own clothes should be ready, so you can get ready quickly too.

Things like wet sheets can't be helped but that's something you can't prepare for. Everything else that can be prepared for, should be. It took me a very long time to realise that if I didn't think I had time or energy to do all the prep the night before, I sure wasn't going to in the morning, especially with little kids to get up and out at a set time. I remember a specific moment things changed for us. I was getting cross with the DCs when they were small because one of them had lost one of their school shoes in the house somewhere (again) and it couldn't be found and we were running late already. My DH said "Why don't we just line up the school shoes the night before?" It was a bit of a lightbulb moment even though it should have been obvious.

YANBU. It’s hard to feel like you are the sole person responsible for all the household chores. My DP works long hours, I work part time from home and we have no DCs. I always cook, clean and do the washing. I also do the shopping, household admin and look after the pets. I do however expect him to clean up after dinner if I have cooked. He knows it’s his responsibility to load the dishwasher and wipe the table, units, sink etc. He is also responsible for his own lunch and ironing. Admittedly, he has no idea how to work the washing machine or clean a bathroom but I make sure he has jobs that contribute. He also hoovers on a Sunday. I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all for him to have some jobs even if you are a SAHM. It’s about being a partnership and I think he should contribute to help. I remember reading about how every person should give 100% to the relationship every day, that means that some days your 100% will look less than other days like if you’re overwhelmed, tired, unwell. I find this a really helpful way of looking at it. If you’re frazzled and he’s cool as a cucumber, are you both giving equal effort to the relationship? Probably not. I hope you’re able to sort some jobs that he can take off your hands OP.

I'm going to be very unpopular but I do agree. If the wife is not going out to work and the DH works full time then the lions share of looking after the home should fall to her. Doing sandwiches for the kids and not doing some for your DH, or doing your own washing and refusing to do his is petty.

However DH leaving dirty sheets strewn around and not bringing down his cups (pots!) or whatever is just lazy.

Go back to work

That was my first thought. He can make his own lunch.
And his socks don’t get washed unless he puts them in the laundry basket. He can do without clean socks and step round piles of dirty ones until he learns.