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Original poster

Found out man am dating was previously arrested

133 replies

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:32

He told me he was arrested due to false allegation of violence from ex partner. Said was released without charge. No way of finding out other side of story.
Would you continue relationship and hope for best or pull out? Early in relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:52

FrancisSeaton · 01/02/2024 19:49

He's not called Michael is he?

No!

OP posts:
Original poster
wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:50

Thehamsterthatcametotea · 01/02/2024 19:37

Why did he bring it up? What was the context?

We were chatting generally and the subject of police came up so I asked him if he had ever been arrested (as you do!) I had asked him previously on phone and he denied it but in person he looked away and then admitted it and proceeded to explain how was false allegation etc...

OP posts:
FrancisSeaton · 01/02/2024 19:49

He's not called Michael is he?

Original poster
wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:45

@Thehamsterthatcametotea the police officer told me that upon inquiry as I saw it on a document online - it's a low possibility and I don't wish to put anyone else off doing this

OP posts:
Klcak · 01/02/2024 19:45

False allegations my arse.
What he means it that there wasn't enough evidence to move forwards.

Run a fucking million miles.

From someone who's watched a rapist get away with all sorts - in a courtroom.
All they need to say is they didn't do it!
Make out that the victim is "mental".
Same old, same old.

I'd dump him and I wouldn't say it's because of the violence allegation. I'd make something plausible up. Otherwise you might see that violence.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 01/02/2024 19:45

There are plenty of men out there. For your own safety, just chuck this one and move on. It’s too dangerous a risk to take. I forgave a guy for standing me up but this is another level.

DixonD · 01/02/2024 19:45

Sometimes it IS false. I know someone who was accused of rape and he was arrested. It was awful for him. She was in the middle of leaving him for another man and admitted it all in the end. Women can be just as shitty as men sometimes.

Windymcwindyson · 01/02/2024 19:45

My ex made a false claim against me to try and blacken my name for child proceedings.. Claimed I scratched his face. I went to the police station voluntarily and told them if he had entered my home unlawfully( as he had attempted) I would have infact used a pan not a fingernail.... No charges made.

Nttttt · 01/02/2024 19:44

If he was falsely accused then it probably would be on his record right? So why would he feel the need to disclose this information?

Unless there is something on his record and he’s covering his back for when you do actually find out? That’s how I would be seeing this, he’s trying to get you to see it from his point of view immediately to cover himself for when you inevitably find out.

samestyle · 01/02/2024 19:42

I wouldn't believe false allegations, he just hasn't been charged due to evidence doesn't mean hes innocent. Wouldn't bother with the hassle of Claire's law, you are just dating, drop him.

IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly · 01/02/2024 19:41

Under the circumstances even if the police contacted the ex, why the hell would she tell him? And tbh if he did get nasty about you asking for a Clare's Law disclosure then that tells you all you need to know. It's nothing you'd need to be ashamed of.

Evaka · 01/02/2024 19:41

Even in the unlikely event that his story is true, sounds like his recent past is chaotic. Run run run.

Hoardasurass · 01/02/2024 19:41

I agree with pp clares law is a good bet.
I would however run a mile from this one as its a classic abusers tactic to denigrate their ex's and claim victim hood status when the fact is that they (the abusers) are not victims.

UghFletcher · 01/02/2024 19:40

Run away fast. Don't look back.

keepingsanity · 01/02/2024 19:40

Mine wasn't convicted (until he attacked me and got him done) but there was still a record of all the police call outs that had happened. They wouldn't put an ex girlfriend at risk by asking her.

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 01/02/2024 19:40

It's always a false allegation.

My ex husband had a false allegation, psycho ex blah blah blah.

Now I'm the one who made false allegations, and is the psycho ex.

I wouldn't trust any guy who says this, ever. At worst he's an abuser, at best he has an ex who will go to any lengths to destroy his life, and I wouldn't want to get embroiled in either situation.

Thehamsterthatcametotea · 01/02/2024 19:40

I made enquiries about Clare's law but was told there was a possibility police would contact and interview his ex partner

Who said that?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 01/02/2024 19:39

Oh, his crazy abusive ex accused him of violence but it was really her all along?

Has anyone got the bingo sheet? There's several to cross off there!

Convenient way for him to get his story in first if anyone says 'you're seeing Jim smith? Didn't he get arrested for DV?'

I'd chuck this one back.

Abbimae · 01/02/2024 19:39

Run. Sounds like a classic

Original poster
wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:38

Thank you all. I made enquiries about Clare's law but was told there was a possibility police would contact and interview his ex partner. This seemed really odd to me as in this case the ex would tell him and he would know it was me. If he is in fact violent wouldn't that put me or anyone in my position at risk?!

OP posts:
Avalovelace · 01/02/2024 19:38

No charges brought just means there was insufficient evidence. My ex is still claiming false allegations. Going to trial later this year.

Thehamsterthatcametotea · 01/02/2024 19:37

Why did he bring it up? What was the context?

keepingsanity · 01/02/2024 19:37

Having been there myself and being told his "last relationship got violent" I requested a Claire's Law. Sadly it was too late as a week or so later he attacked me.

I took it all the way and he was convicted of ABH
He's telling you who he is. Run.

ThereIbledit · 01/02/2024 19:37

Yep, I would be out of there.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/02/2024 19:36

Shall I fire the starting pistol, or are you wise enough to start running NOW?

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