Page 4 | Found out man am dating was previously arrested

wishingyouwell · 2024-02-01T19:32:39+00:00

He told me he was arrested due to false allegation of violence from ex partner. Said was released without charge. No way of finding out other side of story. Would you continue relationship and hope for best or pull out? Early in relationship.

Beezknees · 01/02/2024 20:30

I would definitely end it.

Yes, there is a chance he could be telling the truth but quite frankly I wouldn't want to take that risk, personal safety is more important.

HRTQueen · 01/02/2024 20:24

No

of course he is telling you his side of the story before you hear the real story

manipulative abuser behaviour straight out of a handbook

please be sensible you would not have posted the question on here if you didn’t have that feeling something isn’t right - listen to that feeling

Startingagainandagain · 01/02/2024 20:21

End it now.

I would not take the risk.

Abusers are very good at being charming to the outside world but behave differently behind close doors with their partner so don't rely on what colleagues are saying about him either.

Yes, some people make false allegations but you have to put your welfare first and not chance it.

KaiserChefs · 01/02/2024 20:19

I was falsely arrested for assault once, OP. It can and does happen. It was one of the most significant and terrifying moments of my life as I couldn't believe what was happening. It isn't something I'd tell just anyone though because of the amount of "no smoke without fire" people out there who wouldn't believe me.
I confided in a therapist what had happened in the hope of putting all the trauma of that time to bed and she made it bloody obvious that she didn't believe me either.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions based on my own past. Context is everything.

bombastix · 01/02/2024 20:19

Well. Really it's up to you. But there are a lot of men in this world who are never arrested, and frankly on a risk basis, I'd say no thanks to this one. The fact you asked is a little odd, I may say.

CountFucula · 01/02/2024 20:15

What are the chances that a man is falsely stitched up by an ex and the CPS?
what are the chances that a male who has a criminal and violent past to hide would lie to you?
In case I’m not being clear: get rid.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 01/02/2024 20:14

Why would she tell him?

OneTC · 01/02/2024 20:14

Plus people that lie don't then jump to total truth, you've still only had the sanitised version still

MajorMorgan · 01/02/2024 20:14

I would consider this a massive red flag and end it.

OneTC · 01/02/2024 20:11

Logically yeah it's possible, of course some allegations must be false. statistically though I know what I'd bet on.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2024 20:11

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 20:09

Everyone that knows him including colleagues sing his praises however I am aware no-one has the insight like a partner.
He doesn't trash talk his partner says he made mistakes etc and would do things differently going forward but was just looking for more insight about this arrest as v serious

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Think about every high profile case you’ve seen on Tv - how many times do the friends/neighbours/colleagues all say “He seemed so lovely/friendly/helpful/pillar of the community/amazing man” compared to how many times people say they knew he was a wrong un?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 01/02/2024 20:11

Domestic abusers don't tend to beat their colleagues up OP

Original poster

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 20:09

Mutters123 · 01/02/2024 20:03

Sometimes it is false though! Not DV related but DPs ex stills bangs on about how much of a narcissist and awful person he is over social media and the apparent trauma she suffered. I’ve not seen a hint of that in the 10 years we’ve been together now. He’s amazing!
Similarly a male relative has a non molestation order against him simply because the bitter ex thought it would mean she could keep the house when they split up. Luckily the judge saw through her bullshit. Obviously you need to be cautious but some women really are just as bad.
Is there any way you can find out through someone who knows him?

Everyone that knows him including colleagues sing his praises however I am aware no-one has the insight like a partner.
He doesn't trash talk his partner says he made mistakes etc and would do things differently going forward but was just looking for more insight about this arrest as v serious

OP posts:

MadeForThis · 01/02/2024 20:05

Too much drama. Why take the risk. You will always wonder.

Even if it's all lies then he genuinely has a crazy ex who makes false accusations. I wouldn't want to be involved with her. Not that it's likely.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/02/2024 20:04

Run. Not worth giving the benefit of the doubt on this, imo.

Mutters123 · 01/02/2024 20:03

Sometimes it is false though! Not DV related but DPs ex stills bangs on about how much of a narcissist and awful person he is over social media and the apparent trauma she suffered. I’ve not seen a hint of that in the 10 years we’ve been together now. He’s amazing!
Similarly a male relative has a non molestation order against him simply because the bitter ex thought it would mean she could keep the house when they split up. Luckily the judge saw through her bullshit. Obviously you need to be cautious but some women really are just as bad.
Is there any way you can find out through someone who knows him?

Original poster

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:58

MartinsSpareCalculator · 01/02/2024 19:55

I'm not sure that's true about the police contacting his ex partner as a disclosure just tells you the police have a record of complaints made, arrests, convictions etc. The disclosure wouldn't name the victim(s).

On all honesty I'd just walk away. You're only dating at this stage.

Yes it's rare but an outside possibility apparently I don't even understand why that is necessary

OP posts:

Original poster

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:56

DixonD · 01/02/2024 19:45

Sometimes it IS false. I know someone who was accused of rape and he was arrested. It was awful for him. She was in the middle of leaving him for another man and admitted it all in the end. Women can be just as shitty as men sometimes.

That's awful

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 01/02/2024 19:56

My ex was "falsely arrested" by his ex falsely arrested with me "falsely arrested" with the fiance after me and even had his latest arrested because he accused her of DV

we can't all be crazy exes and partners

FrancisSeaton · 01/02/2024 19:56

It just sounds like a very familiar situation ....

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2024 19:56

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:50

We were chatting generally and the subject of police came up so I asked him if he had ever been arrested (as you do!) I had asked him previously on phone and he denied it but in person he looked away and then admitted it and proceeded to explain how was false allegation etc...

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Run.

run and don’t look back.

OneTC · 01/02/2024 19:55

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:50

We were chatting generally and the subject of police came up so I asked him if he had ever been arrested (as you do!) I had asked him previously on phone and he denied it but in person he looked away and then admitted it and proceeded to explain how was false allegation etc...

Show quote history

Yeah that's a big no

MartinsSpareCalculator · 01/02/2024 19:55

I'm not sure that's true about the police contacting his ex partner as a disclosure just tells you the police have a record of complaints made, arrests, convictions etc. The disclosure wouldn't name the victim(s).

On all honesty I'd just walk away. You're only dating at this stage.

Original poster

wishingyouwell · 01/02/2024 19:54

keepingsanity · 01/02/2024 19:37

Having been there myself and being told his "last relationship got violent" I requested a Claire's Law. Sadly it was too late as a week or so later he attacked me.

I took it all the way and he was convicted of ABH
He's telling you who he is. Run.

I'm really sorry to read that. I hope you have recovered okay.

OP posts:

Missgemini · 01/02/2024 19:52

Please RUN! Forget the Clare’s law business. The fact that you even have to do that just says that this is too much hassle! Please do not get involved with this man!