Found out man am dating was previously arrested

There is a huge amount that needs doing re arrests for allegations.

A friend took his own life 2 years ago because of blatant false allegations.
A LARGE number of us KNEW he was innocent and even his own children from a previous marriage and their Mother contacted the investigating officer.

his most recent ex and her family hounded him to the grave.

yes we know a lot of men DO sexually assault but there is still that small percentage who don’t

we also discovered via extensive research that false accusers practically NEVER have any comeback and zero consequences.

for the benefit of EVERYONE the system needs an urgent review .

Not at all my ex tells people all about his arrests but the embellishments are the key so he was arrested for SA on a minor (true) because her mom forced her to say it and I was found innocent (untrue) he was arrested for rape of his then fiance (true) she made it up because I was getting back with my ex wife and she was jealous about it and the charges were proved false (REALLY untrue) now it IS true that those arrests were NFA but he was never found innocent in fact in both cases he should have been found guilty for witness intimidation (or whatever its called) basically he is fucking scary dangerous person who gets away with a lot the only people to have success in court against him is the DVLA can't intimate them

Curiously the one where he told everyone including the police he was getting back with his ex wife no-one (including the police) actually thought to ask her if it was true they just proceed as if he is being truthful and don't check his story at all the one who made the allegations was a known alcoholic and a criminal though so not what you call a sympathetic victim in the eyes of the law basically they didn't care

if the man voluntarily told you and didn’t attempt to hide it then surely he thinks enough of you to trust you with this devastating allegation early on

all too often we’re quick to judge

he could simply have said nothing and that WOULD HAVE been very sad

talk to him, his friends and family.
unfortunately people DO make false allegations

to get get at someone, for attention or even financial compensation

it’s a slap in the face for real victims

Run

My ex got away with a serious SA. Violence in front of witnesses too.

There is a reason 96% of defendants in dv cases are male. Lack of a conviction does not mean innocent.

The everyone thinks he's amazing is pretty common later on it turns to we couldn't believe he hit her until.....

My ex was abusive ( still is). He was arrested and charges dropped.

He is the most nasty, vindictive person I’ve ever met.

Told everyone I made false allegations and his fan club believe him. 🙄

When we attended mediation the mediator suggested that he thought he was still in love with me- my nasty ex went on about what an amazing person I was ( though immediately before said I was unfit to parent, was questioning my sanity, threatening to take my kids away etc etc)

And I know some pps say that some women are just as bad. Yes- it is possible that she is lying and he is telling the truth.

But I’d say there was a 90% chance he was abusive.

I’d never take that risk having been through what I’ve been through.

In the interests of balance, maybe he is innocent but he’s worried you might find out somehow so is being upfront with you? Do you trust your gut instinct and what it is saying to you? It’s right to be cautious, but maybe explore it more with him, and why he told you. If he has made you feel uncomfortable at all, lost his temper, belittled you etc then it might be best to ditch him.

This is true. They prey on the vulnerable, and they’ve got an innate ability to spot vulnerability a mile away. It’s not victim blaming to say this. They start by showering you with affection, making you feel safe. Until they don’t.

Pull out. 100%%%%%%%

Funny how most of the innocent men with unhinged crazy exes go on to beat their new partners within the first year.

Even if he's the exception to the rule don't wait around to find out. You're too important to be a statistic.

Released without charge doesn't mean they didn't do it/were innocent.

My ex husband was extremely violent to me (I almost died), he was arrested. The DV support team were preparing me mentally for going to court but CPS dropped it for "not being in the public interest" to proceed, despite him admitting his violence towards me. I was his wife, I didn't matter, the public were safe, it was only his wife that he beat and strangled. Yes, I'm still bitter, having been left battling PTSD, whilst he remarried. No idea what his wife knows or doesn't know.

OP, I'd tread extremely carefully here. Would be better to end it now though, before you find out for sure he's lying/delusional.

Please tell me that you are only dating, and that neither of you has moved in with the other ?
Please tell me that he does not have a key to your home ?!

Then just dump him politely by text, and delete / block. do not engage with any further communication.

Whilst I do think it's wise to walk away and I probably would myself, I do still wonder how awful it must be for the small amount of men out there who have been^^ falsely accused.
Forever doubted.
Meeting & falling in love with new partners, only to have them always dump him to be on the safe side because so many men lie......

Ok, so just to play devil's advocate ...
A few years back, my best friend was arrested. She is a gentle, meek and lovely person who was married to a narcissistic abuser. Long story short, the police were called one night. He managed to convince them that she attacked him. Complete nonsense.
She spent a night in the cells but no charges were brought.
I've always respected the police, but this was a terrifying lesson in how they can still get it wrong.

Yep, chances are I wouldn't take the risk and dump him too. In fact, I know I would. But you just never truly know.

Please be smart enough to end this right now. Send a text saying you're no longer interested and block. Don't be yet another woman who ignored all the advice and red flags and then ends up a victim.

Nope. There are many men in this world, this is not necessary. His mental health is not your problem for all you know he’s fine. Why would he tell you this especially if it was a non-issue if not to minimise?

In that case, I'd say that there's no smoke without fire.
I wouldn't continue the relationship.

Right to ask, Claire's law. Do it. Most forces have an online submission form for it.

Please do not take the mental health thing into account. As everyone else has said, it’s ringing manipulation bells. Text him to end it and block. No room for negotiations.
Please be safe.

@wishingyouwell

I could write the book on this.
Abusive alcoholic violent ex.
I had the stories on how he was the victim and his ex GFs were all psychos that attacked HIM.
His ex stopped him from seeing his kids when they were about 10. He was never able to give me a reasonable explanation for this. AFAIK, as adults they are not in contact with him still.
He also used depression/MH to manipulate me and use as an excuse for bad behaviour.
I hope you get out now. While you can.

OP this is a really good idea. I get you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. This sorts it for you.

I wouldn't give him the time of day. A text to say it was over, neutral and block.

Most men are very reluctant to reveal vulnerability. At the start of a relationship it can appear to be opening up, but it's actually a diversion so that your focus on helping not thinking; it engages you emotionally so you forget about the cold fact of arrest.

Such men are dangerous; this sort of mind game is part of the fun for them.

Al Wilson sang about the tender hearted woman with the snake half dead; she revives him with her care, he recovers and gleefully bites her, telling her she knew already what he was. Don't be fooled.