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Original poster

For letting 18 year old son lay on my lap

243 replies

Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 07:26

Last night I was on the sofa with my 5 year old ds, he was tired and was dozing off. My 18 year old ds was the other side of me and put a blanket under his head and laid it on my lap (he wasn't feeling well for context). He husband walked in and said "your too old for that" to my ds. He claims its "fucking weird" for an 18 year old to lay his head on his mums lap. He is autistic and felt ill. Is he right?

OP posts:
KittySmith1986 · 01/02/2024 21:49

My 19 year old son still comes into my bedroom after a night out at the pub, lays on my bed and tells me about his night before he goes to bed. I cherish our late night chats.

Original poster
Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 21:46

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Aren't you a lovely kind person??

OP posts:
ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 21:44

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Original poster
Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 21:13

OnGoldenPond · 01/02/2024 20:44

@Katemax82 sorry got mixed up with another thread. Didn't mean any offence. I guess your DH just has a problem with males expressing affection for some reason. He is the one with the problem not you or your DS.

Yes, he has massive issues unfortunately

OP posts:
OnGoldenPond · 01/02/2024 20:44

@Katemax82 sorry got mixed up with another thread. Didn't mean any offence. I guess your DH just has a problem with males expressing affection for some reason. He is the one with the problem not you or your DS.

Original poster
Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 20:42

IhaveanewTVnow · 01/02/2024 20:26

Why do people say this toxic stuff. We want boys to open up more, to talk about their feelings, to show their emotions etc. Yet we then knock them at a vulnerable age and then wonder why depression etc is so high for young men.
I hope your son ignores him.

Don't worry my son knows his father is full of shit

OP posts:
IhaveanewTVnow · 01/02/2024 20:26

Why do people say this toxic stuff. We want boys to open up more, to talk about their feelings, to show their emotions etc. Yet we then knock them at a vulnerable age and then wonder why depression etc is so high for young men.
I hope your son ignores him.

Thehamsterthatcametotea · 01/02/2024 20:19

Absolutely nothing wrong with it. It says more about your Dh than you or your son.

Original poster
Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 20:16

Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 20:16

He is my sons dad ffs! And he is normally a good dad who loves his son but is weird about this particular issue!!!

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And we have been together 25 years

OP posts:
Original poster
Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 20:16

OnGoldenPond · 01/02/2024 12:30

@okayokokay you do know the OP's DH is not her son's father don't you? So he hasn't known her DS his whole life and doesn't necessarily have her DS's best interests at heart. I don't think the OP specified how long she has been with her DH but it may not even have been that long.

He is my sons dad ffs! And he is normally a good dad who loves his son but is weird about this particular issue!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 20:09

Dweetfidilove · 01/02/2024 08:27

Take it affection was in short supply in his family.

Especially from his dad

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 01/02/2024 19:44

Your husband is weird not your 18 year old

Alwaystired23 · 01/02/2024 19:29

I hope that when my ds's are 18, they will still want to cuddle me. It's not weird, I think it's lovely.

LikeagoddamnVampire · 01/02/2024 19:26

chrisfromcardiff · 01/02/2024 19:20

I was wondering this, too. Sounds like the son isn't his

Op has clarified he is the son's Dad

chrisfromcardiff · 01/02/2024 19:20

I was wondering this, too. Sounds like the son isn't his

Brawcolli · 01/02/2024 19:06

ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 16:36

you didnt really think this through did you?
There are lots of things you would do with little children or a partner, but not older/adult children- bath sharing for one.

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Bath sharing is miles away from lying with your head in your mums lap, what a silly comparison 😆

Hello412 · 01/02/2024 19:05

I am 40 this year and still want my mum when I'm ill, and would still do this. I also have a son who I hope would still want a cuddle when he's 18 if he needed it. Husband is definitely being weird.

BlueGrey1 · 01/02/2024 19:04

I think most 18yo boys probably wouldn’t but your son is autistic so that’s a different scenario

LikeagoddamnVampire · 01/02/2024 18:00

ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 14:27

Does nobody else see a big difference between hugging( normal at any age) and an adult lying with their head on mother's lap, which is something i think of mostly as lovers doing, or very young children.

No it's not a big difference.

Resting where his Mum can stroke his hair, rub his back, he can maybe doze off, all seems like a very natural comforting thing to do.

No idea why you think this should be restricted only to lovers or young kids. That's an odd mix and an odd view.

Lucyccfc68 · 01/02/2024 17:33

Your DH is a bit wierd.

Absolutely nothing wrong with your DS laying his head on your lap. My DS is 18, not autistic and he does this kind of thing. We always give each other a hug and a kiss and say ‘love you’ before one of us leaves the house or at bed time. Sometimes we get a blanket and have a snuggle on the settee, whilst watch the football. He also comes and gets in my bed for a chat, especially if something is bothering him or he wants advice.

He still tells me he loves me and gives me a hug in front of his mates. One of his mates told him that he was a bit jealous as his Mum never does that and mostly just ignores him.

Lighrbulbmo · 01/02/2024 17:24

Having autism is irrelevant. Your dh is nasty.

wishmyhousetidy · 01/02/2024 17:24

ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 14:27

Does nobody else see a big difference between hugging( normal at any age) and an adult lying with their head on mother's lap, which is something i think of mostly as lovers doing, or very young children.

Think your thought process is really strange and quite sad

HideTheCroissants · 01/02/2024 17:22

ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 14:27

Does nobody else see a big difference between hugging( normal at any age) and an adult lying with their head on mother's lap, which is something i think of mostly as lovers doing, or very young children.

Okay, as well as cuddling my 20 yo DS he does sometimes lay his head in my lap - often his feet are in DHs lap at the same time. To me, your way of looking at is a bit strange.

Sillybert · 01/02/2024 17:20

ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 16:36

you didnt really think this through did you?
There are lots of things you would do with little children or a partner, but not older/adult children- bath sharing for one.

Show quote history

Bath sharing is just a little different than laying your head on someone’s lap don’t you think? Well, I would hope you would see the difference.

SwingTheMonkey · 01/02/2024 17:11

ilovebreadsauce · 01/02/2024 16:36

you didnt really think this through did you?
There are lots of things you would do with little children or a partner, but not older/adult children- bath sharing for one.

Show quote history

No I didn’t think of bath sharing because I’ve never shared a bath with my child or husband.

I maintain though, seeing anything sexual in laying one’s head in a lap is utterly bizarre.