To put my 3 year old back in nappies after a full year of potty training

Hi, no direct solutions but I waited till my son was 3 and a half to start. So posting this to try and help ease some of the mental time pressure. We did the opposite where I had a new baby when he was 2yr and 9 months and as he hadn't shown any signs there was no way I was potty training and coping with new baby.

My target was that he was toilet trained a good year before school.

In the end when we started later - I could reason with him and he had bladder control.

Do you think now is more psychological and it's turned into mind battle?

From the oh crap book we did try to normalise toilet stuff by showing him we all do it.

How can it be more fun?

Also reward chart massively worked with my son - not the treat so much but putting a sticker on for each wee done.

I'm sorry you're going through this, potty training is hard! My son was potty trained when he was 3.5. We found that letting him make some decisions helped...like choosing which pants, toilet seat to buy. Also lots of treats! We waited until he was really ready, previous attempts when we thought he was ready were just really stressful for us all. I understand your frustrations, but he'll get there in the end.

My DS was a bit similar. It was that he didn't care. A sticker chart actually solved it in the end. One sticker for poo on the toilet. One sticker for a day without accidents. He got to choose a family outing when the sticker chart was full.

The fact he wets himself in clothes but holds it for hours on end when naked suggests to me he does have control over it

I wonder if he prefers the feeling of weeing into something. Maybe try lining the potty/loo with a nappy or a washable
cloth or something and see if it makes a difference?

Obviously eventually you’d need to take it away but could be useful as a first step.

He was ready.
Just doesn't want to.
My DD held her poo in for a year.
She was constipated once then decided she'd do that.
Interesting he doesnt do it naked.
He doesn't like the toilet clearly.
Does he like Spider-Man or superman?
Can you incentivise him with a Spider-Man film or trip? Tell him Spider-Man doesn't wet himself because it would ruin his web or something?

My daughter got out of nappies cos I gave her Disney knickers. She asked if she could wear them over nappies. I said Belle doesn't wear nappies. That was it.

Maybe a superhero to emulate?

This. Honestly you are going round in circles. Wait until he is more ready he is still young. When you start again go for it 100% with no pull ups etc.

Maybe don't give him as much attention
He's getting much more attention by being difficult.
Every time he has an accident maybe

He does have control.

He's doing this to exert control. It's a game.
He thinks it's fun.

I waited until my son was 3y 5m to train as I knew he wasn't ready. We tried once when he was just three but packed it in as he wasn't getting it, so tried again a few months later when I felt sure he was ready and he got it within a day. He is super stubborn so I feel sure if I'd forced it at the first attempt we'd still be struggling now.

Every mum I know told me 'don't bother until he's ready'... turned out to be good advice for us.....

You feel the pressure to have them out of nappies by a certain age but every child is so different

@Boomboom22 no that is what people say who have an easy time toilet training. It is like people who say breast feeding is easy - it is for some, but not others.

I think its only meant to take a week or two if they are truly ready. It is just causing more problems if its a hassle.
Boys often aren't ready until 3.5, lots of girls are ready at 2.5 so it feels late but isn't.

I'd just let him choose entirely, take off all the pressure. Make sure he can get up on the toilet as bigger boys find potties threatening for some reason I find. Leave out nappy pants and normal pants. Remind him the nappy pants can be pulled down and up if he needs a wee.

Also recommend chocolate buttons if you want to bribe him into potty training

Back in nappies. He will want to use the loo at some point

Kids just like to prove they CAN use the loo then lose interest. Do what works for you!

I would recommend bribery. Worked for my eldest - there was a toy he really wanted - we printed a picture of it and made a chart to go on the fridge - he had to do 7 days no accidents then he could buy the toy. Worked straight away! Some people may disagree with bribery but it definitely focused his mind!

God OP! How stressful for you. Just put him back in nappies. Someone in DS’s class didn’t learn to use the potty until he was 4. Put nappies back on and wait until summer to try again.

Isn't it just down to the child in question? My eldest was trained at 2.5 in a few days and had no trouble but my youngest is nearly 3 and is not getting it at all! I can't see what I did differently the first time either.

If he is stubborn, plus feeling some competition around your younger one, it might be easier to go back to pull-ups. Make it entirely his choice as to whether he goes to the toilet... BUT... keep stressing that he can choose to be a big boy.

And then, where do big boys get to go? Legoland? Local theme park? Ride a special train? It's got to be something decent, something he'll very much want to do. Keep it entirely 100% positive and say things like "yes, absolutely we can go there when you choose to be a big boy! Big boys get to go on big rides/pet the llamas/ride the steam train/[insert cool thing here]"

Always upbeat, never ever judging, never pushing. Just "When you decide to use the toilet for all your wees and poos, this is where big boys get to go"

For me, I used nursery to help train my boy. He was an early talker, v articulate, but also incredibly stubborn. Didn't train until just nearly 3. But the main thing that helped was we always walked past the nursery he was due to go to when he got his free hours - and I'd say "look! That's where big boys and girls get to go, once they choose not to use nappies"

God knows what I would have done if he hadn't been out of nappies when he was due to start but it worked well for us and I don't think he would have cared about little rewards like stickers or cars at all. Wishing you good luck! It's like they always told me before having kids - you can control most things, but NEVER their BLADDERS or their STOMACHS.

What I did in this situation with my DS was to say right, you're a big boy now, you are in charge of making your wees go in the potty/toilet. Mummy and Daddy aren't going to ask you anymore. If you get wet you are in charge of changing your clothes. (There would be dry clothes ready in the bedroom, several sets of pants and trousers ready on the bed). I did not nag or remind him, not once, I bit my tongue and let him get on with it. The only thing I insisted on was he changed his own clothes when wet. That was non negotiable and I explained he would get sore and smelly otherwise.
It had definitely become a battle of wills, he was extremely stubborn and strong willed. I had to stick to this religiously for a few weeks and in the end he just clicked that he was in control of his own toileting. It was not easy and I did question my approach at times but thankfully after a year of trying, it worked.
Good luck OP

I would put him in pull ups, he's not ready. I had this same problem with my eldest, started trying when she was 2 for about 6 months. It was so frustrating because she was so smart I knew she could do it if she wanted to. I gave up and put her back in nappies and left it a few months. She was fully potty trained a few months after her 3rd birthday, it took two weeks in total and that was night time too.

There is a lot of contradictory advice with potty training. In many ways I’m in a similar boat with DS, we aren’t a year in yet but I started training him just before he turned 3, when he was 2 years 11 months. We’re two and a half months in and not made much progress.

I don’t like the Oh Crap method and don’t really rate it. I don’t think there’s a magic solution, some children just struggle. I also am mystified by this insistence that children are easier before they turn 3, DS was a PITA aged 2!

I would check with GP for any signs of infection or constipation/impaction and maybe try different style or size of pants too see if that makes any difference.
I have a child with additional needs who still has accidents and the advice from any professionals we have spoken to is to carry on without nappies. If he is sitting on the toilet, ensure his feet are fully supported and he has a child sized seat, make staying on the toilet more fun so that he isn't rushing away before he has fully emptied. Make sure he drinks plenty as not drinking enough means he doesn't get the same strength of signal.

Also agree with @Futb0l. Train the next child earlier! All of mine have been between 18 and 24 months with no drama whatsoever.

Anyway that doesn’t help you with this child Op. I think you’re right, he was absolutely physically ready, but possibly with all the emotions of the new baby this became one struggle he could win. Personally I’d never want to put a child back in pull ups but you could try upping the reward ante as a couple of PPs have suggested to see if that helps.

I have to say this..

Agree fully with this. We potty trained DS with relative ease at about 25 months. If we’d left it until 28ish months or later, we’d have been toast .

I thought this might be the case. My 3.5 yo is identical. I marvel at compliant pre schoolers. We got lucky, my 3 yo took to potty training a little before realising every single thing can be turned into a battle of wills. I’m absolutely certain if we had left it just a few months later he’d still be in nappies now. Not because he ‘wasn’t ready’, just that it would be another boundary to push.

With this new information, I absolutely wouldn’t put him back in nappies. Sadly though, this has to be something you invest in. I’d do as others have said and make the consequences his to sort out. You are likely in for a hell-ish few weeks. But every time he’s wet, mummy and daddy stop playing, we go home if necessary, we get undressed and we don’t play again until the clothes are washing. Rinse and repeat. You could try a bribe on top but I’d go with natural consequence first of repeated wetting. During this period I’d place as few other demands on him as possible so you don’t end up in a spiral of conflict.

Good luck