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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP told his son to move in without discussion

130 replies

Unknown987 · 31/01/2024 16:53

Hi
I need to know if it's me?
My partner moved in with me and my 2DD - he has 2 ds but live with mum. No talk was ever had about us all living together as that would have affected my decision living together and as DS were 13 and 17 when we met I was told it would be weekend and holiday stays for which we set up a room for them to chill in.
fast forward 3.5 years we have our own DD too in mix (baring in mind we live in a 3 bed).
I have just found out I am unexpectedly pregnant which has thrown me. I cried to my DP how I feel stuck and it is too much and I can't cope - the next day he screen shots a convo with his DS 16 telling him an hour AFTER our convo why does g be move in to ours and how we can help him sort his life out - he has been kicked out of school in year 11 for drugs alcohol and generally shitty behaviour. Any suggestions I made at that time were dismissed (I work in an all boys school teaching GCSE subjects so I know a fair few things in that department) by both his parents.
now 3 months later I am told by screen shot!! That he is moving in and in effect I am to cater for him like I do for our other kids. His parenting is completely different to mine and he has said he expects my parenting to fix him on the straight and narrow which I do not feel is something I am up to doing. For context he does not parent my girls including our DD as I do not agree with his parenting methods.
when I broached it with him he said I'm always angry and it's his son he can decide what he wants.
AIBU to expect he should have at least discussed it with me??
I told him the only way forward is for him to move out and live with his son and we can parent our own individually.
he is saying I am over reacting and having a mental breakdown and I need him.

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 31/01/2024 16:59

He's a partner, not husband. He moved into yours. The answer is very simple.

IncompleteSenten · 31/01/2024 16:59

Him moving out is 100% the right decision.

Tell him that since he believes you are having a mental breakdown then he is an exceptionally cruel person to want to add more stress to your life by telling you to sort his wayward son out when neither he nor his ex have been able to do so.

IWishIUnderstood · 31/01/2024 16:59

I mean he definitely should've discussed it with you but there's a lot to unpick here.

No talk was ever had about us all living together as that would have affected my decision living together and as DS were 13 and 17 when we met I was told it would be weekend and holiday stays for which we set up a room for them to chill in.

I don't think either of you should've decided they'd never come to live with you, as they're his kids and there's always a chance they might want to live with their other parent.

Then there's the fact you don't let him parent his own daughter?? And now you're pregnant again.

I think you're right, he needs to move out with his previous DC.

CucumberBagel · 31/01/2024 16:56

Can't imagine why his first partner split with him...

IncompleteSenten · 31/01/2024 16:56

That's not ok.

It's ok obviously that he wants his son to live with him but without any discussion and expecting you to become the parent and sort the kid out when both his actual parents can't? He's taking the piss.

You need to tell him there is no way you are going to parent their child instead of them. It won't be happening.