DP told his son to move in without discussion

@Unknown987

So, what's happened since?

It sounds like you have more reasons to split than stay together OP . Don’t let an unwanted pregnancy tie you to this man

Do you live in the uk? If so the religious marriage does not give him any legal right to stay and you can kick him out. I read only your posts so cant see anything saying you dont want an abortion for religious reasons.

@Justcallmebebes - My son is the same age and I can assure you that while not fully adult, 16 is NOT just a child. This is a youth with drug and behavioural problems. His darling Daddy isn’t planning on stepping up and parenting him - he wants OP to. No… He expects her to. Because his dad is a wet wipe of a human he will probably be making plans already to move in with OP and her gaslighting, cheating, misogynist partner. He will definitely play them off against each other to get away with doing everything he damn well wants to and forming a buddy/buddy alliance to work against her. Why on earth shouldn’t he be told that his behaviours and habits are the reason it is not appropriate for him to move into her home, creating extra work for OP and leaving her little children vulnerable? It’s her choice entirely. Yes I think it’s appropriate. Yes, I think he AND dad need to be told. (And dad binned.)

In the UK, there is no such thing as a DeFacto marriage or Common Law wife/husband. He has ZERO legal standing, especially if it was her house and he is not listed on the deeds and it's in her name only. A religious ceremony is just make-believe and no more legal than a tv soap 'marriage'. It holds less than zero weighting because it's not real. Basically, he is little more than a live-in boyfriend. He has no rights at all, and she can, and should, kick him out of her house. There is nothing to settle. He's only her boyfriend and it's not his house or property.

OP you need legal advice.

in my country (not UK) a religious wedding would mean you are in a de facto relationship with the clearly expressed intent of being as if you were married. Simply living together as a couple and having multiple children would do the same. While you would not need a divorce, property settlement, custody etc would be no different.

There’s a lot of people advising you kick him out. Do you have that legal right? Here - you can’t kick your husband out of his own home. And it is likely legally to be seen as his home if you didn’t have a binding legal agreement to the contrary.

If people let go of the righteous indignation they would see why that pretty much has to be the case. When a couple marry, or adopt a marriage-like relationship (as you did, when you got married according to the rights of your/his culture) co-habitation is common. It’s not appropriate to consider the spouse that moves in a permanent guest or boarder. You aren’t his landlord - you are his wife. He isn’t your tenant - he is your husband.

You can certainly ask him to move out, but I question whether you have the legal right to evict him absent a settlement agreement.

As I said - get proper legal advice.

yes he should have spoken with you - but he has every bit as much right to have his son live with him as you do to have your daughters (that are not his).

Sorry - but if you live with a partner with children you cannot expect them to not parent because it is not for you. You take on their kids as he’s taken on yours. This should have been discussed before living together - but even then situations change.

When you move your partner into your house it is no longer yours singular. He isn’t a guest - this is his home equally with you.

And while I certainly understand it is not ideal having so many kids in one household - you together have 5 kids with another on the way. Having 4+ of them (all children) living together is not unexpected.

You aren’t unreasonable to expect a conversation, YABU to expect that this means you can exclude his son (while your daughters live there!) because it’s too much for you.

If you had moved into his home - would you accept him telling you your daughters can’t be there?

You can absolutely end the relationship. I would advise your partner to seek legal advice about his rights in a separation. You should likewise seek legal advice.

If you are considering termination, you would be best served by seeking competent counselling from a service that doesn’t push towards or away. And if you make a decision to terminate - you owe your partner a conversation (even if the decision is yours).

From the title I came on to say he shoukd have discussed it but it is his son so YABU to prevent it.

Til you put he has been kicked out of school for drugs and alcohol. For me that would be a hard nom. You have your own kids to protect and sorry but it is not safe to deliberately bring a drug user into your home.

Your dp needs to move out with his son. End of.

I am in a similar situation although no drugs involved. Dps son has diabetes which he openly admits he doesn't care about and doesn't manage. He is aggressive violent and has self harmed as a result. He is receiving mental health support but his mum has decided she wants him section as she has an 8 year old at home.

Dp wants him to live with us. I have said that needs more discussion as I have a 10 year old and flat out refuse to have her exposed to or put at risk by his sons behaviours.

We have discussed, I have said in principal it is his home too (my house. My mortgage. Dp doesn't pay for house and there is a prenup in place before anyone panics about me). But there will be stringent rules etc. But the point is we have discussed it. Your dp has no right to arbitrarily announce this and then gaslight you over it.

He is an abusive shitbag @Unknown987 and you need to protect you and your girls.

He needs to leave.

Contact women's aid and the police if you think he might turn violent.

You have options and choices to make.

you don’t have to have this baby if you don’t want to. You’d be absolutely justified in making that choice given the situation and how he is as a parent

tell him he needs to move out, to accommodate his son himself, and book the appointment.

you absolutely have full power over what happens in your life and those of your kids

the extra info provided by PP was interesting.

From what you’ve said, you’ve probably made the decision to end this relationship and the pregnancy. Realistically, one or both of his ds’s may need to move in with their dad at some stage. However, your home your choice and as you say, this would have affected whether or not you chose to allow him to move in. Had he listened to you about boundaries, things may never have got to this stage. He really doesn’t care about your needs or those of his kids by the sound of it.

Kick them both out and end the pregnancy if that’s where your heart is.

I’d text a friend that the relationship is over and he’s moving out. Then screenshot it to him.

Please kick him out ASAP. He really does not see you as an equal, and no, he cannot 'do whatever he wants' in your house.

How far along are you with the pregnancy? Is it early enough to have a termination? You really do not want a child right now with him as a parent.

I don't know why you say he isn't parenting, when he clearly is, but just in a different way to you.

I'm sorry- he said that YOU need HIM?

After he moved into your house, and has abdicated all parenting to you.

Kick him out- you're not even married.

It is your home and you have your kids to think about. They don't need to be around drugs that your DPs son is using.

Your DP had absolutely no right to decide who lives in YOUR home. Your DP sounds like a source of stress tbh. I would tell him to leave whilst you figure things out.

As long as dad lives there, so does the son. She needs to kick dad out to kick out the son. Fully within her purview, but not ok to expect a parent to not bring their child home.

No, it's her home. He just lives there. She should get rid of him.

One of his children is also the OP's

If he wants to live with his DS he needs to move out and parent him. It doesn't sound like there's room for his son living with you in YOUR house and he sounds like a bad role model for your DC. You will surely have enough to do with your 3 DC and now a new baby. If he wants you all to live together maybe he can provide a 4 bedroom house to accommodate you all. He's taking the piss. You tell him you're pregnant so he invites his son to move into YOUR house. Bloody cheeky. I'd not tolerate this.

You are not unreasonable at all. As a pp pointed out, you may need to be more clear and directive (aka use clear, simple repetitive language), that he needs to move out to parent his son. Remove all ambiguity.

When you told him 'The only way forward is for him to move out and live with his son and we can parent our own individually. he is saying I am over reacting and having a mental breakdown and I need him.' He hears a soft discussion that he can barge through and simply make what he wants happen.

You may want to rephrase:
"You need to move out to live with your son. I am giving you 2 weeks notice." Frankly, you may need to start eviction proceedings for him to leave. Thank goodness you did not legally marry this man.

OP, you are absolutely not unreasonable in anything you have said to him. As other pp have suggested, you should seriously re-consider having another child with him--is this really want you want?

You are not having a mental breakdown, don't let him push you around while you are vulnerable and pregnant. I know pregnancy makes everything harder to deal with. Be brave, and please know that you are absolutely in the right.

Kick him the fuck out.

Cheating, disrespectful, freeloading prick.

It sounds like he wasn't a grear father that got them here but he is finally making the right decision by stating his very young son has a home with him which means he can come and stay. Period.

You were stupid to be with him if that's not part of the deal you're willing to accept. Sorry because that's more blunt than people usually see it, but come on.

And yes rethink your further choices about kids with this man too.