To think a sexless relationship can work long term

No. The one with the sex drive will get bored of the set up and / or get their head turned by someone. It’s got a limited lifespan

It might work but not based on love and respect but more being convenient and often the higher drive getting their needs met by someone else. Unless it’s been a proper agreed conversation where you are both genuinely happy with no sex but seems unlikely with a high libido.

Even when a much loved wife or husband cannot have sex because of disability often one is getting the need met somehow be that non piv sex with each other or again one has permission or not to get that one part dealt with on a don’t tell don’t ask.

My dh has the lower libido and frankly is set was once or twice a year I’d be long gone.

Only if you both have low sex drives. DH and I rarely have sex, and have only been having more as we’re TTC.

It’s something we often check in with each other about, to each make sure the other isn’t feeling frustrated, as we both used to be total shaggers! But we just don’t feel the need in this phase of our relationship, maybe it will increase in future, who knows.

We’re also very physically affectionate - always hugging and kissing, which I think is a large part of physical intimacy. If you have no physical contact, that’s a bit more like living with a flatmate in my opinion.

Depends on the quality of the sex, surely? If your partner is selfish in bed, sex may well be just yet another chore rather than a perk.

No, definitely not.

Yes you're quite right, for some that is an all too regular reality. I'm very glad that so far I have a relationship which doesn't feel like any of those things. We encourage and support each other, have hobbies outside of this house etc. Small children feel far more demanding than marriage 😂

My point of view is shaped by my past though. I was in an abusive relationship for years. The sex could be incredible when consensual, a lot of passion, but at times life was scary and genuinely terrible. In comparison to that time which really was stifling, restrictive and unbearable the compromises in my current situation feel tiny and totally worth it. Sure there's less sex than I'd like but I feel safe, loved and content. Wouldn't swap it.

Mind you you've said 'no sex' rather than less. Feel like that would be a different chat all together!! If one partner wanted celibacy and the other had a high libido then yes I'd agree it would be totally doomed. In the OP's example of twice a year that would be really difficult to accept.

It can if the high libido person is able to refrain from becoming resentful.

No this absolutely will not work.

It would work if both people are not interested in sex.
But if one person has such low libido they will only have sex twice a year and the other a high libido this will cause upset and tension because the person with the high libido is not having their needs met in the relationship whatsoever.

It's not really ok to insist on a monogamous relationship but then only be prepared to have sex twice a year. A compromise from both parties absolutely must be made for the relationship to be healthy.

If the one with high libido can kind of train themselves not to be horny very often, or they can get by with wanking, then I guess it is possible. I'd say it'd work more if neither had much sexual desire or need for it.

Having been in a sexless marriage where I was the one with the higher libido it is absolute torture and not sustainable in the long term. While I was faithful during the marriage it too every ounce of willpower I had not to seek sex elsewhere. I’m now in a relationship where we’re much more compatible and I am so much happier. While sex isn’t a ‘necessity’ in the same way as eating and breathing, it is like art, or a really delicious meal or music - it makes our lives so much richer and more pleasurable.

If the lack of sex doesn't kill the relationship, the resentment will. I imagine the constant rejection and the constant squashing my needs would drive me to madness.
Wouldn't be the relationship for me.

Certainly, depending on communication about how it works when two people have irreconcilable libidos. I know two longterm couples where the wife makes her own discreet extramarital arrangements for sex with her husband’s knowledge.

@Squashinthepinkcup

Of course sex isn’t everything. But long term relationships are often tedious, demanding and restrictive. They can make your life feel unbearably stifled even with someone you adore.

Sex is one of the perks. I can’t see how the benefits of a relationship would outweigh the downsides if there was no sex.

In my case, I had no interest in marrying or having children at all. I was very happily independent and single. Then one day I met this guy and it was like a gong went off in the core of me 'this is it, this is the guy you're meant to spend the rest of your life with'. Honestly, we're so vastly different in every single way that it's not been the easiest of choices. But, I'd still choose him every day. Sex is only a portion of everything a relationship is, and for what the rest of it brings me I'm willing to make compromises.

It just depends how much the sex drive person wants to be with the non sex drive person. I reckon someone that will willingly go without sex is probably pretty rare but it's not impossible.

No. There’s a huge imbalance here. The high libido partner is going to check out and seek it elsewhere.

If you both had very low libido it could conceivably work but in these circumstances not a chance.

Out of interest what is the point of being in a relationship with someone you never have sex with? Why go through the grief, hassle and limitations of a relationship if there’s no sex?

My DH and I have very different libidos, always have. We've been together 8 years, married 5, have 2 children. He could quite happily go months without it, I would be happy with multiple times a week. His lack of libido was actually rather a blessing when our babies were super small, it was nice not to feel the pressure that some women seem to experience. Now everyone is getting a good amount of sleep and finding a balance with time to exercise, date nights etc it's picked up again. We find a middle ground. I've no interest in seeking anything outside of our marriage and neither does he. We have a very communicative and respectful partnership.

I'm not sure what counts as long term in terms of relationships but it's working for us.

Nope. I have always seen it end badly.

I'd assume one party was getting sex elsewhere.

Which I see no ethical problem with in this scenarios

The addition of a baby is not known to help any marital situation. But, I would say. If it’s the woman with a high libido then it may dampen it for a while.
also if it’s the male partner with low libido and he’s not gay has he had his testosterone levels checked?

It can work if both parties are good communicators.
there are ways to manage a mismatched sex drive including: non-monogamy, other sexual acts that both are happy with, managing your sexual urges by yourself, etc.

but it does require a lot of work. Anc chucking a baby in the mix rarely helps.

Only if both partners have similar sex drives. I mean there are people out there who are asexual and never have sex but of course they can have long happy relationships if they find a partner who feels the same.
But I think iyou both have very different sex drives then no... it won't work because resentment will build... I mean obviously in long term relationships you'll have periods where your sex drive fluctuates and maybe yours and your partners won't align perfectly all the time... but bottom line is whether you view that as something temporary or to work on... or you just don't ever want to have sex again regardless of how your partner feels.

Pretty well same as @egowise ... I'm recently separated from my DH and ... while its not the only reason why ... one of the reasons is that he's been willing to be intimate with me ... maybe a total of 6 times since 2011. And that 2011 date remains bright in my mind because that was when we conceived our last child... and that took some major handiwork from my side. He's otherwise just not into me. I regret taking so long to leave him.

I think it eventually poisons the relationship. The high libido partner feels it’s the duty of the low libido partner to fulfil them and they will feel personally rejected and unloved, even if there are understandable reasons such as tiredness, hormones etc on the part of that partner.
I know a couple who tried to solve it with an open marriage but that didn’t work either and the high libido partner ran off with the third party brought in with the blessing of the low libido partner.

No it'll only be working for one partner and the other one will most likely resent not having their needs met.