Relationship with friends ex

33 replies

SquirrelySponges · 30/01/2024 21:46

I shall try and keep this brief. I have been friends with a man since school. We are both in our 40s, both single parents. We have recently reconnected and are getting on very very well. The thing I'd I used to work with his ex and became friends with her when they were together. They were together for 8 years but haven't been together now for about 6 years and she has married someone so has clearly moved on. I haven't seen her for about a year and quite rarely before that but we do have some friends in common.

I have had a really rough couple of years and feel like I deserve happiness and just want the best for me and my kids. I feel like that may be with this man. But would I be a complete bitch to go for it? Would I lose all my friends? Nothing much has happened yet so this is basically me asking.... do I go for it and see what happens or do I run away now before things get complicated?

YABU - That would be a shit thing to do so stay away

YANBU - You deserve to be happy and they are clearly definitely over, go for it

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 30/01/2024 22:45

Go for it.

Michellebops · 30/01/2024 22:39

I would go for it 🩷

Grab that shot at being happy.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 30/01/2024 22:38

The kids thing does change it tbh ….. however I’ve been on the other end.

Whirlwind romance lasting 1 year and a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage, we broke up, remained friends for a year then my best friend got together with him, they didn’t tell for me for 6 months but I guessed.
Sadly it’s her who doesn’t want to know, she can’t live with the guilt and is massively insecure.
such a shame as I’m happy for them both.
If you really like him, then go for it, and at the point it’s looking serious or going to become public knowledge I’d reach out and tell her yourself in person.
Honestly it’s so so hard to meet someone, chances are you’re connected to them. Go for it x

Hiddenvoice · 30/01/2024 22:34

@SquirrelySponges yeah that does make it slightly more awkward as they are still in regular contact then I guess.
Does he feel the same? Could you two go on a very quiet date and see how you feel?
you could then maybe speak to her and gage her reaction to it.

Bluenotgreen · 30/01/2024 22:33

Oh, I was all for it until you dropped the children.

No, I think I would back off.

VeryGoodVeryNice · 30/01/2024 22:31

Hmm. Tricky one. I was the person who got together with my friend’s ex, they’d broken up years before and I honestly couldn’t see her having a problem with it, but she did, massively, and we never spoke again.

On the other hand, the father of my dd got together with someone that I was loosely kind of friends with, and I was pleased because she’s nice and I knew she’d be a good influence on dd. I’d personally rather that than a random that I knew nothing about.

I think messaging her to almost ask for permission would be a bit strange, as you say she’s moved on. I guess you just go for it if this guy means more to you than potentially losing her as a friend. I’m sure even if she’s a bit weirded out initially she’ll get her head around it.

Original poster

SquirrelySponges · 30/01/2024 22:23

@Hiddenvoice She left him but it was amicable and still is. But she is the mother of his children which makes things a little more complicated I think. Sorry, should probably have added that to the OP.

OP posts:

Hiddenvoice · 30/01/2024 22:19

If you’ve had a long lasting friendship with this man and you’re not overly close to the ex then I would go for it.
If you feel confident then you could maybe chat to one of your friends about it and see if she suggests chatting to the ex but if it was me I wouldn’t be bothered, especially if it was over 6 years ago and I was now married to someone else. I suppose it depends on how they broke up, was it amicable or a bad break up?

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