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Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:42

DillDanding · 01/02/2024 19:29

It’s completely weird. And what an utterly useless and feckless bloke. I’d actually murder my husband if he did this. But he wouldn’t as he’s not a lunkhead.

You sound absolutely lovely and I bet your DH thanks his lucky stars everyday that he got you ❤️

Flamingos89 · 01/02/2024 19:41

I think it’s totally fine! He probably doesn’t want his little girl to go to school with bad hair whilst mum is away.

They definitely owe you some flowers though! You are being very neighbourly

PurpleWhirple · 01/02/2024 19:36

saffy2 · 01/02/2024 19:08

Literally can not believe how horrible people are on here. It’s literally disgusting 🙈
this thread really shows what’s wrong with society, when people find an sexist issue with a stressed dad asking a neighbour to do his daughters hair (for his daughters sake) when his wife and baby are in hospital poorly.
christ. This thread is fucking awful.

It's actually men who are fucking awful.

The vast majority of critical posters have said they would do it for the sake of the child, but it doesn't excuse the helpless fuckwittery of the dad.

Moaning5 · 01/02/2024 19:34

I haven’t read all the thread but I don’t think it’s weird at all, he’s obviously really stressed and is thinking ahead - just plait her hair then come and do mine !

You sound so lovely btw.

Songbird54321 · 01/02/2024 19:32

My 6 year old won’t allow her dad to do her hair, she prefers the way I do it. On the rare occasion I haven’t been there to do it, he’s done his best but she’s gone straight to her teaching assistant and asked her to redo it.
She won’t allow me to cook her eggs and prefers his, so it’s not a case of sexism on her part.
I can’t imagine the dad’s first thought was to knock on a near stranger but more he tried and his daughter was having none of it. They can be strong willed little so and so’s on the oddest of things.

Wishbone436 · 01/02/2024 19:30

I haven’t read all the comments, there’s loads! But I think it is unusual he’s asked you as a total random to them, beside being a neighbour! My thinking is that he is panicking guben the situation & trying to give his daughter some normality, albeit by having her hair done. If you can, amazing!

DillDanding · 01/02/2024 19:29

It’s completely weird. And what an utterly useless and feckless bloke. I’d actually murder my husband if he did this. But he wouldn’t as he’s not a lunkhead.

guineverehadgreeneyes · 01/02/2024 19:29

There are some weird comments here. Whatever happened to neighbourly kindness!

Stillnormal · 01/02/2024 19:28

I gave up reading the thread and just read your updates OP and it’s a really lovely story!!! It will have made all the difference in the world to the little girl to not be feeling physically wrong on top of anxiety about her mum - so fair play to you. I’m sure dad will have been reassured to have the support as well. Excellent neighbouring all round!

Switcher · 01/02/2024 19:27

Aaah love a happy ending! Heartwarming.

twitchybum · 01/02/2024 19:27

I think it's sweet that he's trying to keep his daughter happy while mummy is away in hospital. She's clearly emotional about not having her mummy there to plait her hair and dad is trying to fix it. I don't think it's weird, I think more neighbours should be like this and communities would be so much nicer x

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:27

FusionChefGeoff · 01/02/2024 19:26

Dad has eyes, hands and access to the internet.

Fucking men

Fucking unhelpful neighbours......

stayathomer · 01/02/2024 19:26

I find it really really really weird but I’ve only got boys so am in the same place as you op!!!

FusionChefGeoff · 01/02/2024 19:26

Dad has eyes, hands and access to the internet.

Fucking men

Orangeoranges42 · 01/02/2024 19:25

I think it’a nice, it’s a kind thing to do and hopefully that’s it perhaps just keep an eye out that he doesn’t expect you to do anything else like childcare.

id make sure he’s always there when you’re doing the plait.

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:22

VivaciousRadish · 01/02/2024 19:21

I think it’s sweet. Maybe he needs someone to talk to. Maybe the little girl is worried sick about her mummy, and would like to at least have her hair normal

I was in hospital when my daughters were little, and my husband brought them in every evening. The state of their hair!! He’d obviously tried, but…

In the end a teacher who had a daughter in the same class as my youngest did their hair. Did she do it because she was a woman, and that’s her place, or did she do it to help out

To help out, of course ❤️

VivaciousRadish · 01/02/2024 19:21

I think it’s sweet. Maybe he needs someone to talk to. Maybe the little girl is worried sick about her mummy, and would like to at least have her hair normal

I was in hospital when my daughters were little, and my husband brought them in every evening. The state of their hair!! He’d obviously tried, but…

In the end a teacher who had a daughter in the same class as my youngest did their hair. Did she do it because she was a woman, and that’s her place, or did she do it to help out

comeagainx · 01/02/2024 19:19

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees that is a lovely update.

To the people saying 'he should just put her hair in a pony tail' - if you don't know how to do it, even manoevering an elastic to do that is a big deal. I remember my friends brother (aged 28!!) delightedly showing us that he could put a hair in a pony tail because his girlfriend had taught him. It was like he was demonstrating that he'd just learned how to split an atom or something.

It's actually sweet that he was trying to find someone to help his daughter although there is a sexism element about it but it's not totally unwarranted. If you had ten people in front of you and you wanted help to do a little girl's hair, most of us picking blind would choose a woman with long hair rather than a man or a woman with short hair.

With any luck OP this might be a nice thing for you - form the basis of a future friendship with the neighbours and their child - if that's what you would like of course.

Elisi · 01/02/2024 19:15

Meh. You're clearly a familiar and trusted face, the poor guy's wife is in hospital and she's probably said 'If you're struggling, the lady at Number 9 has always been friendly, I'll be out soon'.

EllaDisenchanted · 01/02/2024 19:14

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 01/02/2024 14:52

Last update:

A baby girl arrived earlier today and mum & baby are both going well. Need minor observations but nothing serious and expected home on Sunday.

My services are no longer required!

I'll give it a few weeks before calling over with a small present & of course some new hair accessories for the new big sister so she doesn't feel left out!

Very surprised that this thread got a little negative and sexist. If there was a man neighbour with long hair the dad may have asked him. Maybe if he hadn't been so stressed, he would have made different choices etc. Who knows but he did what he thought was best for his daughter at the time.

They are decent people, asked for a very minor bit of help and have been nothing but polite. The dad was really trying and just wanted his daughter to be happy at a stressful time. Tbh, I was more offended by the posts referring to me as "the nearest vagina" than anything the dad did or said.

To be the positive posters who confirmed it was the right thing to do - thank you, I was initially thrown by it.

Aw!!! It takes a village and all that - I think what you did was super sweet! You took a bit of stress off a worried Dad's shoulders, and made a little girl happy 😊

Mostlyoblivious · 01/02/2024 19:11

OP you are just lovely. I decided to just read your comments once I’d seen it had descended into a gender row and it was such a lovely warm story, so thank you!

Bobblypumpkin18 · 01/02/2024 19:10

Op I read your first post and then a few replies and I thought to my self oh no please do not let the typical, bitter, man hating mumsnetters put you off of doing a good deed for someone in need. So glad to read all of your updates and see that you helped him and his daughter, who was no doubt missing her mummy. These little acts of kindness make all of the difference. The world needs people like you.

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:10

saffy2 · 01/02/2024 19:08

Literally can not believe how horrible people are on here. It’s literally disgusting 🙈
this thread really shows what’s wrong with society, when people find an sexist issue with a stressed dad asking a neighbour to do his daughters hair (for his daughters sake) when his wife and baby are in hospital poorly.
christ. This thread is fucking awful.

I cannot agree more.....

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:10

FreddyBeReady · 01/02/2024 19:04

I honestly don’t get where people are coming from with saying this is a weird thing for a parent to do?

Guy is obviously panicking and stressed about his wife in hospital and is trying to not let his daughter get caught up in that and keep things as normal as possible for her.

Guarantee his wife has been taken into hospital and when he’s explained to his child that mummy won’t be home for a few days she’s freaked out and the first thing that’s come into her head and she’s asked is who is going to do her hair if her mum isn’t there.

I’d bend over backwards to help anyone in a stressful situation like this when something so simple will really make such a difference to them.

Hope no one who’s said it’s weird for him to ask is ever in a situation where they need to rely on help and kindness from strangers.

Exactly this!

I'd guess some of the people on this thread would bump into him, he'd say my DW is in hospital....

They'd trot out, the let me know if I can help and then bitch about him asking ....

Honestly, some people are so unhelpful.

saffy2 · 01/02/2024 19:08

Literally can not believe how horrible people are on here. It’s literally disgusting 🙈
this thread really shows what’s wrong with society, when people find an sexist issue with a stressed dad asking a neighbour to do his daughters hair (for his daughters sake) when his wife and baby are in hospital poorly.
christ. This thread is fucking awful.