Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

He sounds very stressed and wanting to keep up their standards. You sound so lovely and this might be the beginning of a lovely friendship.

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees

It's a bit weird that he expects a neighbour like yourself to support him in this way when he hardly knows you,
I would do it once show him how to, and tell about useful youtube videos..

Aww I'd do it. It's kind of you op. Obviously you'd also be in your rights to refuse. It's a little odd but nothing that would make me think there was some kind of problem. Men can be like that sometimes and not really think.. I guess he just saw the next door neighbour was a woman, his daughter was crying about her hair being plaited and so he thought 'well she's a woman so she will know how to do it and she lives next door, I'll ask her'

In my mind it’s ok for people to look for help and to see women as motherly figures.

Yes, but fathers should be able to do their children’s hair too. You don’t need to be a woman/mother figure to style long hair, that’s just sexist bollocks!

How fucking useless, he’s had years to learn to do something with his daughters hair but just hasn’t bothered to watch and learn.

I would do it, or my partner would, but only for the child's sake if the child was upset, but I wouldn’t be impressed with this man.

Men need to be able to do all care for their children. I’d be ashamed of my partner if he couldn’t look after our children, as would he.

i guess we’re all different. I’d have no problem with this.

I would be mortified if my DH did that. I'd rather he just brush it and put a head band in. I wouldn't say its normal. That said, the girl might be really precious about her hair. The dad might have already tried and made a mess of it and that's why she was upset. So, it's a nice thing of you to do. Don't over think it.

I think it might be deeper than the plaits. Almost like he needed to reach out for support, maybe? If they don’t have family nearby, he might be so worried over his wife and feeling a bit out of his depth with it all, wanting some adult support, another female to kind of help him in some way. I don’t know I might be overthinking it and maybe he just thought ‘I can’t do plaits so I will ask the neighbour that I don’t really even know’. But if it was me, I would agree to do it but ask him to make sure mum was ok with it too, and does she HAVE to have plaits or could she have something he can manage like bunches etc. I would just say ‘it must be a very worrying time for you all’ and then offer whatever you’re prepared to offer. It it was me, I would (and have done) offered to batch cook and do them a few meals so he hasn’t got to think about that. I would ask if there is anything else they needed. But I wouldn’t do or say anything I didn’t freely want to do. So it’s up to you and you’re not a bad person if you say no! I just think that YES that is not the norm, it IS weird, but it’s probably not really about the hair.

Daughters. If I were the OP I would not have any daughters, so why would anyone assume I knew how to braid a child’s hair.

I think it's a little bit weird but I would be happy to do it if it's not inconvenient for you. The guy asked really politely so I can't see what he did wrong.

I've two daughters and the have always had long hair, it was down past their bum at times, and I have never plaited it. I kept trying but it always looked messy. I'm usually practical and can put my hand to most things but my attempts to plait their hair were rubbish.

I CAN plait it's just their hair I couldn't plait.

Why is it ok for people to see women as motherly figures?

It’s a bit odd, but Dad might just be panicking about the birth and looking after everyone. Maybe the idea popped in his head as he was passing (or having a meltdown after failing at hair) and it seemed like an incredible plan so he rushed over to ask without contemplating the request from your point of view.

Someone mentions earlier about it taking a village to raise a child.

tbh if this guy knocked on my door I’d help him?

I don’t even think I’d give it a second thought. In my mind it’s ok for people to look for help and to see women as motherly figures.

the guy was probably desperate and preoccupied about his wife and unborn child.

It is maybe a bit unusual and he probably could have YouTubed it or whatever but it seems well intentioned (assuming no other odd vibes or behaviour..) and I would like to think there is enough genuine good in the world that a neighbour could feel comfortable to ask their community for help with something if needed without this being weird. Who knows it might be in that moment that with everything it didn't cross his mind. But maybe I am a little naive/odd?! 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 As long as you feel comfortable to also say no also at the same time if you don't want to / it doesn't sit right with you as well. And I would be clear it is a short term thing and dad needs to learn pronto!

Yes, it is weird.
However, I recall that my own Mum could do a basic plait but not a French one, and when I was a bridesmaid I got taken to the house of a random neighbour (who was a total stranger to me though presumably not to my Mum, and definitely not involved in the wedding) to be fully braided.

I'm so glad you're the neighbour OP and not some of the posters on here. Little things like this are the kind of thing that are really important to little kids, especially if they're already feeling super anxious and upset about their mummy not being around. We've had to lean on friends and extended family recently because of several members of mine and DP's family in hospital seriously ill/ undergoing chemo etc, it's all come at once. Trying to run a home, work, be at the hospital, keep on top of the food shopping, making sure the uniforms are clean, doing packed lunches when you're getting back from the hospital late at night whilst dealing with that level of emotional stress is tough. Luckily we've got that network, this man obviously doesn't and has reached out and you're doing the right thing, which is showing kindness to this family who are going through a difficult time

and you falling over yourself to make excuses for him doesn't make it true or his thought process either.

Like I said, I'd offer to show him but if he refused like he did with OP then that would be that.

I'm a woman with two DDs who cannot plait.
I can barely tie laces tbh.
I watched the videos but am still hopeless.
Ironically it was their Dad who could do a halfway decent job.
This child is six and missing their Mum.
I'd have had to decline on the grounds I'm inept but if I could have, I would have. It will make a world of difference.

He could learn to plait now so he can do that when his wife comes home with the new baby. Can guarantee he won’t though

I'm sorry, what??

In your world it's perfectly normal to randomly knock on someone's door who you hardly know, and ask them to sort your kid's hair out?

Blimey.

he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it.

I'd definitely nip that in the bud sharpish. He thinks he is too important to learn to look after his DD and wants to off load the task to you.

@readytoweep of course it feels unkind - because women are raised to think of they don’t do whatever any man asks them to do they’re being mean

i read thread after thread on here of women on their knees looking after their children without support - do you think they’d knock on the door of the nearest man and ask if he can do something for their kids?

it’s just a reflection of how women are the default go to when someone’s needs looking after

do you think any of the men in the apartment block are going to be popping a hot meal?

that said - i still think the OP should do it if she wants because it sounds like the girl woild appreciate it

What you don’t have any hair of your own?

Yes, in your mind it is about that. YOUR IMAGINATION. This doesn’t make it true or his thought process at all.

I can’t believe you are making this into some take a stand for feminism by refusing to help a neighbour simply because he’s a man asking a woman, oh excuse me, “a vagina” for help.

I'd wonder why the hell he would assume I could do his daughter's hair if I didn't have any of my own.