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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Crumblespiesetc · 25/04/2024 20:51

Loved all your posts, what a lovely story :)

Georgieporgie29 · 25/04/2024 20:34

What a lovely update ❤️

Gemstar3 · 25/04/2024 20:02

Awww so pleased to hear it all worked out and you made friends from it OP!

croydon15 · 24/04/2024 09:36

Lovely story, glad you made a good friend. To all the negative posts hope you will never need a helping hand.

CroccyWoccy · 24/04/2024 05:16

How lovely! Thank you for coming back with an update!

And to all the naysayers and miserable folk - do you see? This is what community looks like! The world be a better place with more of this going on!

RawBloomers · 24/04/2024 03:48

Lovely update. Thank you for coming back and telling us all.

LenaLamont · 24/04/2024 02:00

What a lovely outcome!

HappyHolidays22 · 24/04/2024 01:44

Ohhhh love this update! Thank you!

Codlingmoths · 24/04/2024 00:39

Awwww :)

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 24/04/2024 00:36

I meant to update this earlier but couldn't find the thread.

I actually became friends with this family and they are lovely. We were invited around to theirs a few times briefly and got to know each other properly.

They moved out at the weekend to their forever home but me & partner are invited to the housewarming BBQ when the weather improves.

Just to answer some questions that I can now answer.

  • Mum had no clue initially
  • Dad was going to ask a friend's mum to help but daughter suggested me because I apparently told her once I used to have plaits in my hair when I was her age (don't remember but very possible)
  • Dad knew it was odd but just wanted daughter calm & thought I would help or just say I wasn't able
  • Mum didn't care - said she likes the fact her husband finds solutions and looks after them all

Incidentally, they know about the thread because my partner doesn't always think before talking. When the mum said "you probably thought what is this strange man doing?" My partner just came out with "yes she did so she asked mothers on the Internet and they told her to help!" Thankfully they found the humour in it.

So she told me to thank you all so THANK YOU from my neighbour/new friend!

OP posts:
Stacybrown · 28/02/2024 18:14

I imagine he has panicked and thought she is a women and she can help! I don’t think it’s weird just one of those funny stories.
I was recently in hospital and my partner took my daughter to nursery with a hair pack and a note saying could someone please help 😂

Whatstheword21 · 20/02/2024 01:30

I think it’s lovely. It’s like what a community used to look like years ago - neighbours helping and small gestures of kindness 💕

DorsetCafes · 07/02/2024 01:05

@Noglitterallowed

I am happy to explain this for you.

This is a feminist issue because male helplessness when it comes to tasks they consider women’s work/beneath them is one of the tools used to maintain the patriarchy. Why waste time learning how to cook or sew on name tapes or plait hair when one could be off doing something more interesting and profitable?

And in this particular situation, “being worried about his wife” is no excuse. He’s had six years of his daughter’s life to learn how to do this, and has chosen not to. And now, with no wife around to do it, he’s choosing to offload it onto a stranger - with her own worries and responsibilities - just because she happens to be the same sex as his wife.

I don’t see anything “charming” about this at all, just as I don’t see anything charming about the common perception that a man’s time is more valuable than a woman’s.

ChrisConary · 05/02/2024 17:43

What a charming way to meet and befriend your neighbors!

Noglitterallowed · 04/02/2024 19:09

doilooklikeicare · 04/02/2024 18:26

@DorsetCafes no the genies won't turn up.......... so ask a friendly neighbour?

Just you know, an idea?

Exactly! Not that much of an issue surely is it! Glad someone can see

Noglitterallowed · 04/02/2024 19:08

DorsetCafes · 04/02/2024 18:11

Why is it different? Are you assuming single mothers live in some kind of magic fairy land with no worries or problems at all? Where we do not experience a massive gender pay gap, institutional sexism, societal judgement, parental guilt and impossible competing demands on our time - and we have personal genies who turn up to take care of it whenever we encounter something that we don’t know how to do?

Show quote history

What the hell are you even on about? Can only assume you’re high or something?? You’ve gone off on a massive tangent with no reasoning to what I actually said. Someone helping a neighbour out and doing a nice thing as a dad (or whoever else) has been but in a stressful situation worrying about their wife and unborn child has turned into a bloody women’s rights march 🤦‍♀️

doilooklikeicare · 04/02/2024 18:26

@DorsetCafes no the genies won't turn up.......... so ask a friendly neighbour?

Just you know, an idea?

urbanbuddha · 04/02/2024 18:19

Tbh, I was more offended by the posts referring to me as "the nearest vagina" than anything the dad did or said.

Yeh, that’s really weird and offensive.

I think it’s something that men find more difficult - there’s a bit in the Rio Ferdinand documentary ‘Being Mum and Dad’ where you see him struggling to do his daughter’s hair.

Good news that the baby’s here safely.

DorsetCafes · 04/02/2024 18:11

Noglitterallowed · 02/02/2024 22:43

He’s got a young child at home that is wanting her usual hairstyle while worrying about his wife in hospital and their unborn baby! Bit different really isn’t it to your situation

Show quote history

Why is it different? Are you assuming single mothers live in some kind of magic fairy land with no worries or problems at all? Where we do not experience a massive gender pay gap, institutional sexism, societal judgement, parental guilt and impossible competing demands on our time - and we have personal genies who turn up to take care of it whenever we encounter something that we don’t know how to do?

DorsetCafes · 04/02/2024 18:00

@SouthLondonMum22 👏

SoupDragon · 03/02/2024 22:21

BrandNewAndShiny · 03/02/2024 18:05

@Verbena17 🤣 Why would a young child think up the idea that a neighbour she doesn’t know could do her hair? That more strange that this dad thinking up the idea. 😬🤣

maybe because she has long hair that she wears up and, as the OP said, has commented on the girl's hair before.

GenevièveSapha · 03/02/2024 22:13

" I don't know these people."

You do now... 😊👍

saraclara · 03/02/2024 20:32

AnglepoisePond · 03/02/2024 19:37

I think that’s fair. The OP did show him, but says he showed no interest in learning, which would have irritated me. ‘I am ignoring your generous attempt to show me how to do a simple hair style for my child, and instead I am going straight to ‘Will you commit to doing this for me every morning my wife is hospitalised, because you have magic woman knowledge and tons of free time on working days, clearly?’

More women refusing to enable weaponised incompetence would improve the world.

Show quote history

That first morning, when presumably his wife had only just been admitted and he was worried about her, the baby AND his little girl and getting her to school, yes, he didn't have the time or the headspace to be shown what to do. But if you read OP's posts, on the subsequent days he DID watch and learn what to do.

For goodness' sake, read OP 's posts properly and stop berating this guy for having his head all over the place with worry and trying to manage everything.

AnglepoisePond · 03/02/2024 19:37

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2024 19:28

I'd be willing to show him but I wouldn't be doing it for him, especially if he refused my offer to show him.

I don't hate men but I refuse to enable them just because I'm a woman and society expects me to say ''aww bless'' and do it. Absolutely not.

Show quote history

I think that’s fair. The OP did show him, but says he showed no interest in learning, which would have irritated me. ‘I am ignoring your generous attempt to show me how to do a simple hair style for my child, and instead I am going straight to ‘Will you commit to doing this for me every morning my wife is hospitalised, because you have magic woman knowledge and tons of free time on working days, clearly?’

More women refusing to enable weaponised incompetence would improve the world.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2024 19:28

croydon15 · 03/02/2024 19:17

I am glad l don't live near some nasty people round here who can't give a helping hand to someone in need just because he is a man, obviously full of men haters. Well done op, you will no doubt have made a friend for life.

I'd be willing to show him but I wouldn't be doing it for him, especially if he refused my offer to show him.

I don't hate men but I refuse to enable them just because I'm a woman and society expects me to say ''aww bless'' and do it. Absolutely not.