To asked to be removed from my mother's Will and be disinherited

You know immediately when someone starts a paragraph or sentence with 'in the kindest possible way' or they're saying something 'gently' that they're about to something pretty awful. Never gentle or kind 🤨

Receiving a payment from your mums will doesn’t mean you speak to family.
I suggest Counseling as soon as you can it will help you get over what happened , but also prepare you for when the time comes and your mum passes. This way you will
be stronger and ready to Stand up to your sister.

My advice is always speak to healthcare professionals tell then you need called separately as you live miles away and ask then always to call you with information and not just your sister . They have seen and herd it all before .

This is your mums choice not your greedy selfish sisters . Also don’t you want your Dd to have a better start to life . Don’t let any family members take that away from you, your mum, and especially your Dd. .

@ElonsPsychic

Being emotionally distressed due to grief is entirely reasonable.

Disinheriting yourself causing endless unnecessary drama and financially disadvantaging your son is unreasonable (as you can see from the poll).

Where there are assets, everyone has to go through difficult times with family post bereavement, dealing with the legal aspects.

Genuinely, I think you are going to cause more problems for yourself and your son by choosing to disinherit yourself and ruminating over your mother’s potential death when she is perfectly fit and healthy is not good for you either.

@ElonsPsychic Gently, you're pushing for a reaction. Don't.

Your sister didn't call you at the right time, and you still feel angry about it. That's understandable. There is no timeline for grief, but with this still badly affecting you ten years on, I'd strongly recommend counselling so you have a safe space to work through all those big emotions. I'm not saying this to suggest you're not coping as well as you should - I'm saying this because sometimes we all need a bit of outside perspective, and frankly, therapy should be more common in this country. It's really, really helpful.

Your mum and sister aren't good to you, and you don't see them. They've probably cut you out of whatever wills they both have - you probably weren't even in there in the first place.

If you end up with a legacy you don't want, you can always donate it to a charity. You don't have to keep the money if it feels like it carries some kind of emotion you don't want.

If you're appointed executor, you can step down. You don't have to accept it.

If a hospital calls and says any decisions fall to you as next of kin, you can say no, they don't, as you no longer have a relationship with that person.

So, to get the outcome you really want - no more dealings with these people and no drama - you do nothing. You do nothing and you're free!

I think you want something symbolic to mark ending things, and I can understand that. However, it doesn't have to involve poking the bear. You could write something and tear it up or burn it - you could create your own gesture to let go that doesn't involve talking to them.

Have a think about what would resonate, but I do think you need your own little ceremony not involving anyone else, and then you can feel like you've let go of this burden.

I'm so sorry for your loss, by the way. Time never makes it hurt any less.

Perhaps read the OP again 🙄

"This is an aside, I just want to have a peaceful solution and find ways to move on from my sadness and grief."

Asking to be disinherited isn't peaceful. The current situation sounds fairly peaceful. A solicitors letter will create a lot of drama where currently there is none. Let sleeping dogs lie.

You asking to be disinherited will not heal the hurts. It will only hurt your mother.

Did you actually read OP’s posts? Her mum doesn’t not deserve it.

Ah OP what a sad situation. Your mum and sister sound toxic. Agree with others that asking to be disinherited will just cause drama and might backfire on you. I can see that it would be a way of closure for you though.

The best thing to do I think is to go no contact and try to put them all out of your mind, difficult though that would be. And as others have said - more therapy - look for a specialist in bereavement counselling.

Also I think you should get counselling for your son. It’s not good that he’s getting so upset about his lack of family.

You have no obligation to care for your mum. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean you have to take on their care. Your mum sounds like she’s year off from needing that anyway, and she may never need it. You’re fixating on something that might not even be an issue. You definitely need help to deal with all this OP.

Do not engage with toxic people. Live your own life.
Send them a Christmas card and a small birthday gift.
Don't share your life or your thoughts and worries with them.

Your mother will possibly use all her resources to keep herself in care and health. It is very presumptuous to assume you are left anything in a person's Will. Even if you know that your are, why would you create a fuss or more unheaval??

Interested to know. Did your father leave you anything?
Or did he change his Will days before he died at his other daughter's insistance?

In the kindest possible way you sound very unstable over all this and that will be the main cause of your son’s emotional distress (as he will obviously know Mummy is not alright).

You need trauma counselling and possibly medication. Some charities will provide free or discounted sessions dependent on circumstances.

Honestly this disinherit and I’m free ideology is utter mumbo jumbo.

You won’t be free, you’ll be feeling as crap and emotionally unhinged, just you’ll have done your child out of money too.

At least leave it to him, you can do a deed of variation once the money passes to you which passes it to him tax free and could set him up.

Maybe try to look at it in another way , when your mother dies and once the will has been carried out / processed , you will find out if you are named on it .
If you are named ( and have an inheritance ) then it in a way tells you that you are acknowledged , and in her own way , loved as a daughter of hers .

What you do with it is your prerogative , save for your dc , spend on yourself , or give away to charity . It has nothing to do with your sister , you can remain estranged from her .

It's completely up to your mother what she puts in her will but I don't understand how being in the will relates to being involved in her care and nit being in the will means you are free. They are two completely different things

My feeling having read everything, and I’m very sorry by the way, is that you shouldn’t engage with them. If you ask to be disinherited you will inevitably create drama and talking points. After your mum dies, which could be some time in the future you can decline everything, including being executor. I would wait for that point and see how you feel. In the meantime it sounds like you have a lot of difficult feelings to work through, which might not be helped by continuing contact with either of them.

Your poor Mum, she doesn't deserve this.

No don't ask to be disinherited. Why would you. But have as much or as little contact with your family as you wish.

Families are complicated. After my Dad had a heart attack I travelled to visit him 200 miles away, leaving my young DC with DH. I visited Dad and Mum much more frequently. I could see Dad was deteriorating quickly but my Mum who was with him all the time didn't seem to notice. She would comment 'oh he's just having a bad day'. I don't know if she noticed every day was eventually a bad day, or because she was with him all the time it just blurred. I travelled down on one weekend and thought Dad seemed worse, more tired. Instead of travelling back home I decided to stay. Chatting to Dad he said he'd like to see my sister one last time. She lives in the Channel Islands. On the Monday evening I rang my sister who lives and told her if you want to see Dad alive, you must come now. He wants to see you. I thought she'd come the next day because they'd always had a good relationship. Dad died on the Wednesday evening and she didn't arrive until the Friday after she finished work. I was so angry with her I couldn't even look at her or speak to her, so I went home before she got back. I've never really forgiven her for not travelling back to see Dad before he died. There were seats on the plane on Tuesday, because I checked and offered to book for her. She just said she couldn't leave work until the Friday afternoon and that Mum had not said he was a lot worse. After the funeral my sister was crying and told my Aunty that she didn't think he was that ill. I was fuming because I was so very clear to her. She told my Aunty, she thought I was just being dramatic when I told her if you want to see Dad alive come right now.

Please go back into therapy and rather than focusing on the will, instead focus on resilience, building strength, letting go of the past. Practicing acceptance and what it might look like. This is not about going back to your damaging family, but letting go.

It’s like the will is a symbolic tie, imagine it’s already broken and let the will go.

Are you planning to say goodbye to your mother or attend her funeral? I would make a decision and a plan for the actual end. If the inheritance materialises almost certainly it won’t, then you can pass it to charity or appreciate it is money from many generations of your family and not just your parents.

I feel the will is a red herring disguising your understandable anxiety around the end of your mother’s life, and the inevitable potential interaction with your sister. It doesn’t need to be inevitable, and you can take your power and choose the ending that is right for you.

💐

I haven’t read it all but if you ask to be removed from your mum’s will, she may well find it really upsetting and think it’s because you want nothing to do with her any more?

Look I’ve been there. My family is very dysfunctional and toxic too.

You want to take control things to reduce any further impact they can have on you. My advice is don’t. You have already been able to deal with the big blow from the last time. You are clearly a strong person. Just learn to focus your thoughts and energy elsewhere. You are an adult now, with all of the resources you have developed to handle them. Just let it be and as much as humanly possible put them to one side.