Inheritance issues !

I think it is understandable that people get upset if siblings are treated differently to them. It's no different to any other kind of favouritism and the last thing any decent parent would want is for their children to resent each other in the future. If one sibling is well off and doesn't need the money it would be better to give it to them anyway and let them choose to give it to their less well off siblings. That way, everyone is happy with each other.

Should always be an equal split but DC should be brought up to support each other. If DBro gets money he doesn't need, he would automatically support a less well off sibling.

I genuinely don’t understand why love is being measured in terms of money?

One of my parents is planning to give my sibling a large sum of money to purchase a house, as they are low earning. I'm fine with that. They helped me out at a different time in my life. I'd rather we all were on a more even playing field (all owners of properties) than we all had exactly the same money.

I think like your parents 100% . I live all my children equally but equality in division it’s not real fairness . What they are doing is helping those who need it the most . I think it really good

And need.

I'm astonished at the number of posters who equate love with money and who would bitterly resent their sibling receiving life changing help in the form of amounts which to them would be mere small change.

And of course if the big earning couple living the mortgage free life haven't put money by and taken out the insurances to protect that life then they have been a damned sight more feckless than the siblings.

I don't care what my parents spend on my siblings during their life time - they have helped other siblings less fortunate then me out and I have been happy for them - but I would be hurt if they treated us differently with inheritance.

In my view unequal splitting of a will causes resentment and upset forever. It is best avoided. However it sounds like your sister, despite her hard work and diligence needs help now. Can your parents start to supplement her income or give her the deposit for a house along side the equal splitting of the will. Your younger brothers money should be discussed with him with a view to leaving it in a trust.

'Taken advantage of' is a niche conclusion, given your very moralistic sense of fairness! Elderly parents who simply require support in their dotage doesn't, on any level, equate to taking advantage.

While I totally understand their thought process, whether they like it or not beneficiaries, especially children, do associate inheritances with how much they were considered, thought about and loved.

Splitting it unequally between your children may make sense to your parents but it leaves behind resentment, confusion and heartache that eats away at and tears apart sibling relationships that will already be weakening when the parents are no longer there as the central connection.

Relationships that siblings and cousins might need as support for each other long after any inheritance has been spent. Resentment lasts much longer than money.

But, it is your parents money, it is their choice the legacy they leave behind, however, it might not be the one they envisaged.

“I can see why it would annoy him, however its your parents money and they are using it in a way that ensures they can close their eyes on this world feeling as though each if their children is safe and secure in all their different circumstances.”

I agree with this and the parents will have a more positive death feeling this way when they go. As opposed to worried sick about 2 of their children which can’t be a nice feeling on your deathbed.

Your pare ts are doing what is called fairness and equity . Equality is not always fair . And if I get to my old age it’s exactly what I’m doing . The child that is hardworking but has less will het more the one that is equally hard working but doesn’t need as much will get less and if like your brother they get all high and mighty and scream it’s u fair then I would leave them nothing as surely I would have failed to raise them well !

Don't know why they haven't just gifted money before they "plan" to die to the ones most in need ...

It’s up to your parents what they do with their money, but it’s shitty for your eldest brother and I’d feel the same. Why should he be left out because he’s made a success of his life?

I'm approaching it from the perspective of the (adult) children. If I was in the position whereupon I'd left a sibling to care for our elderly parents for example, I'd understand if my parents wanted to leave that sibling a larger share. Its not about conditional love, its about recognising and appreciating sacrifice.

I’ve been through this situation, my parents (still alive), gifted my younger sibling (the favourite) a house 11 years ago after selling the family home. They purchased a new house for themselves approximately 150k cheaper than the house they bought for my sibling.

The idea was that my DC’s would inherit their house which will likely have to be sold to pay for care.

It may seem greedy to some but it hurt me a lot. I’m sure their reasoning was that I didn’t need the same level of help as my sibling but it still feels unfair. Also the situation has changed somewhat since it happened and I am struggling to pay my mortgage which may lead to having to sell up and rent.

As a result, I don’t feel warm towards my family, I try not to see them very often now as it just reinforces the feeling of being second best.

Whilst the sibling who provided the most support might be really angry /hurt at being taken advantage of, I can honestly say if it was me and my own sibling, I still wouldn’t begrudge her an equal share of my parents estate.
She has been their child all of her life, not just in the final years.

Is that an example of how to tell everyone you're the youngest without actually saying this?

I'm middle of 3. When #1 was born my parents were really struggling money wise. They gradually improved the situation through being very careful with money and not spending on luxuries.
When #1 left home, gradually they relaxed a bit and we did occasionally get treats.
When I left they relaxed totally and #3 got things we had longed for but never ever been allowed to think about having.
#3 had far more money spent on them than me and #1 put together. I remember one item I needed it being 2x Christmas presents, 2x birthday and I put money I'd earned in. The next year #3 said they'd like one and they bought one just like that. That was the difference.

When it comes to the will, should #3 get less than us because they had far more advantages over the years? No, not at all. It was just luck of finances - but things we did without meant they had money to spend later. I would not be umpteenth my parents if they suggested it.

I can understand your older DB not being happy Op, it seems like he's worked hard and been successful and now he feels he's being penalized. My DB didn't work, he had MH problems, so my DP's worded there wills so that my DM would inherit everything, but if she died first the house was left half and half to my DF and my DB so that he wouldn't lose his home. I understood absolutely why they'd done it, and I respected that my DM told me this so it wouldn't be a nasty surprise later but it still hurt, it felt as if I couldn't be trusted to do the right thing by my DB and makes you feel like your future doesn't matter to them

What of adult children who don't give equally? If elderly parents require significant support for example, and only one sibling gives that support whilst the others refuse; perhaps for many years. Surely if you don't give equal, you can't be perturbed to not receive equal?

Really? No matter how differently our children balance their time/effort with me and DH, we will and do always love and treat them both equally.

Love of and for your children should NEVER be conditional!

What a foolish woman she's been. I hope the therapy helped you make peace with what she's done.

That’s only true if you equate money with love.

I think there are two separate viewpoints, neither of whom will ever see each other’s perspective! (Needs based vs equal split) The problem comes when the sibling have those different viewpoints.

Surely though everybody should treat each of their children equally.
In cases where they don’t, it’s very unfair and cold hearted.