Inheritance issues !

Inheritance isn't about fairness though, no one is owed or has a right to anything. Its about what the people leaving it want to do with it.

Personally I think they should blow it all on holidays and enjoying themselves and leave the grabby bastards that want to argue over it before they have even died, a big fat nothing.

Disgraceful behaviour.

Agree with some of the last posters on here. It's the parents money. I had this discussion with my 4 DKs,3 have HA properties,low rent,2 are registered disabled. The one that isn't has benefitted from a lot of help money wise, earned a lot more than us, and blew it. A quarter of the inheritance wouldn't be massive, but would seriously impact,2 on benefits, causing them serious problems. The other one would blow it on stuff, and be back to square one. We had family chat,they agreed as the 4th is private renting, they would get less, happy with that. However,no seeing what is "expected" ,am shocked, and thinking might just leave it to charity. I have a friend who is very well off, one child said to her, they are going to get x amount (over a mill) so they might as well have it now. She was also shocked and very upset.

Sorry. Haven't read the whole thread but it is worth asking your parents to leave the money they are giving to your son in trust for him. Otherwise it will all get used up with day to day living costs instead of allowing him to maybe buy a property one day or use it for nice extras like holidays.

To put it very simply. My brother earns 10 times what I earn. I would never imagine not splitting everything 50:50. What he built is his doing. I could have done the same but i obviously couldn't. How is this his fault he is more successful?

Fair doesn't mean equal. Fair means treating people according to their needs. The extra money will make a huge difference to your sister whereas, from what you say, your brother is extremely financially secure. I find it very strange and sad that your brother cannot understand that.

It’s your parents money and they should do what they feel comfortable with. However, as so many threads on here have shown, inheritance and the act of it not being split equally causes real family issues and upset.

I can see why in a bog standard equal no issues family, an unequal will would cause resentment and fallout. But the scenarios of your various siblings are not bog standard or equal, and tbh I feel your eldest brothers actions reflect poorly on him. Your parents are reflecting equity, not equality, and I think that’s right.

My parents have helped my sister, who is significantly financially worse off than I am. I love my sister, she’s my best friend and I’m so glad my parents were in a position to provide her support to make her life easier. In doing so, they have not made my life worse, so why does it matter. I could not give a flying fuck if that means ‘my’ inheritance is smaller (to be clear though, it’s not MY inheritance, it’s my parents hard earned cash). Maybe my situation will change one day and I won’t be financially secure, and maybe at that time my parents won’t also be able to help me because they’ve given money to my sister, who knows, but that’s my problem.

Maybe I’ll sound harsh here but your eldest brother brother deserves sweet FA. I hope your sister gets some financial relief which makes a big difference to her life, I hope your younger brother gets the help he needed and your parents are able to provide him security on his recovery journey and I hope you have an absolutely 10/10 holiday.

It could all be a theoretical discussion if the parents live long lives and need to pay for care and/or enter residential care as they get frailer. I presume the will has been planned and drawn up with the assistance of an experienced solicitor with this in mind ?

Yes, me too. Sometimes the unequal splits can cause family rifts down the line.

Although your parents are wanting to do right by each individual child, they risk causing family rifts afterwards.
Keeping it simple with an equal 4 way split is always going to cause less family tensions at a later date.
Basing inheritance on what someone has achieved or with holding financial payment to your youngest sibling is also quite a controlling thing to do.

My mother has had children by two different men. One died leaving nothing. The other has placed a few million in trust for his dc.

She is splitting her will equally between all, as she doesn't want to send the message that she cares more for some than the others. I think she's right (and I am the child of the father who died leaving nothing).

Inheritance is much more about perceived care than about money. Your brother probably feels he is being punished for doing well. The more successful children usually get less support and attention during life anyway, so giving them less after death is compounding that feeling.

But your patents are being fair by leaving your sister more, because you’ve already had more!
That’s how it should be. Equal share.

From birth. But I waa in the NICU at King's College hospital or aboif 6 months as I waa born 3 months prematurely, so I wasn't able to go to my parents until after that.

Your older brother’s reaction is saying a lot about his mindset and character, none of it good.

Your parents are doing what is right for them.

Ugh, all this talk of the well-off brother being "penalised" for doing well. He's not. Nobody is taking a cricket bat to his knees, he's just getting less money than he wants to add to his existing pile of money.

I don't think your parents are being unreasonable because they are looking one by one into the situations. I think inheritances sometimes brings these conflicts and your brother is OTT. If I were them I would easily leave just the funds for your youngest brother and your son and split the rest amongst the other grandsons. That will tell your older brother to mind his business. Is their money they can spend it in flowers if they wish.

In this situation the brother feels hard done by he should have got more on top of what he has. There is a word that people call them and it's selfish. The op has more understanding and grace towards her siblings. Money is the root of all evil and what tears families apart.

I wish people would just realise inheritance isnt expected. It makes me feel sick hearing about people squabbling over their parents' money!

My parents don't have a lot but I know they are leaving my sibling more than me, and they've explained this is because they've helped me out more with money in the past and that makes it fairer. Do I care? No! It's not my money, I never had it before and I won't miss it then.

For info, me and hubby earn less than my sibling and their DP. We rent, they own. We have kids and they do not. I wouldn't care if I got nothing and they got it all.

I also believe if they left me more because they felt we needed it more, my sibling wouldn't care either.

Its their money, not ours.

Equal split every time. Who wants to die and leave behind sibling riots over Money? Not what I'd want to be remembered for.

That's a huge amount to the majority of people. And if you and elder DB don't need it, you have the option of helping out your other siblings with it.

It's not about the amount. It's about feeling included and valued the same amount as the rest of your family. If I were in your DBs position and my sibling was your DS, I wouldn't hesitate to give her it to pay off her mortgage/buy a house. And she'd take it without feeling like a charity case because she knows I just want her to be secure. But at the same time, we all feel equally viewed by our parents.

"He may well have wanted to help his sister."

Except, though he is richer than 95+% of the UK, he has NOT helped his sister, has he, or would she not be living better than she is? I wonder why that is? Has he helped his DB? His other DS? I know what my bet is on for the answers to the above.

I love all of these "equal is everything people". I can see it now. DD1 goes to see her parents once a week and DD2 goes to see her parents once a month. Ergo, DD1 loves her parents SO much more than DD2. DD1 buys her parent's slippers and a robe each for Christmas. DD2 buys them a weekend holiday. Oh-oh! DD2 spent more $$, so now it's OBVIOUS that DD2 loves her parents a LOT more than DD1!
The "equal is everything and money talks, compassion walks" crowd must be a true delight at Christmas as they scan Google to see if the gloves they got from Mom and Dad cost as much as the scarf they gave her DS. "WWwaaaahhh!! Mom and Dad love DB more than they love me! My gloves were 24.99 and DS's scarf cost 34.99! I hate my DS and will never, ever forgive my parents!"🙄

How old were you both when they adopted you?

It’s not that hard especially in this situation. One child has a high paying job plus his wife, has investment properties etc while one earns a low income with a severely disabled child. You don’t need a phd to figure it out.

I am blessed to have a higher income than my sibling and I would gladly support my parents if they decide to give them the bulk to help them. As I said in my first post I would feel different if there was a history of favoring one child over the other as the resentment would have been growing for a while, but if it’s a true situation where the parents are just trying to help the e child that needs jt the mm at j would gladly support.

I don’t get this narrative that your parents not splitting the inheritance equally means they don’t love you.

Yes I would hope my children don’t need an inheritance and it’s just a bonus for them but it’s obvious when they need it unless you’re not involved in their lives.

A minimum of seven years before and they’ll still check up to 10 years.
Plus they would have to live in the property or pay capital gains tax on their share of it.
Not to mention they would have to declare, if they own another property, which is their home. So if they declare yours their other property is screwed for capital gains tax, but not yours.
If they own another property they will also be taxed 2% for second property tax at the point of ‘sale’ by you.

Which ever way you look these days you’re taxed.

As long as your parents have been very clear to the first brother that money does not equal love for him in their eyes, then I think they are doing the right thing.

Honestly, I would want my sibling to have more if I were one of the better off ones - could not justify adding more to an already massive sounding list of assets when my siblings were renting.

I'm sorry, did you see what the sisters breakdown was? Abuse, disabled son & highly respectable job that's incredibly difficult & vastly underpaid.

Gimmie a break.