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Original poster

Inheritance issues !

393 replies

Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:17

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 29/01/2024 15:48

I feel that if OP is comfortable with the info she's given, no one else has to worry really.

She could've changed some details e.g she's actually a plastic surgeon with a sideline as a stuntwoman...same difference as a pathologist with a side hustle as a make up artist tbf.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 29/01/2024 15:47

I think that it's fair enough for your dps.

Original poster
Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:47

Maybe do a bit more research and come back

OP posts:
notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:46

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RandomQuestionOfTheDay · 29/01/2024 15:46

It’s up to them and I’d respect their wishes.

But generally I think it should be left equally (with some special arrangements for trust etc if someone is not capable of managing their own finances). No one knows what’s round the corner - divorce, health issues, etc. Grieving can tear families apart at the best of times, let alone if there’s perceived favouritism.

notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:44

so if so much of the detail is in fact not true

Does kind of make it difficult to give you an answer

britnay · 29/01/2024 15:44

I think this sounds very fair, and your older brother is greedy. Its their money and they can do with it what they want. If he complains then he can be cut out completely.

Original poster
Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:43

@notjustthecandle no that’s not true it would very much depend on where you are in your career - whether you also work privately to.

OP posts:
notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:43

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stillavid · 29/01/2024 15:42

Generally I think an equal split is easiest but if I was the eldest brother in this scenario I wouldn't begrudge my sister the extra money at all.

notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:42

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TerfTalking · 29/01/2024 15:42

I think it’s poor form. No one knows what’s around the corner, your DB could get divorced and end up with nothing or end up disabled and needing care, or worse. your DS could meet someone wealthy or win the lottery.

it should be equal between you all, irrespective of the current situation of each child.

Tinkerbyebye · 29/01/2024 15:40

Your parents are being unfair, it should be split 4 ways

they are penalising you all for the decisions you have all made as adults, your brother has money so he’s ok attitude is wrong, no doubt he has worked very hard to get where he is

Your sister is worse of due to her choice of man she married, and ok I get that she may have been aware and the dv started after they were married, but did it? And why should the rest of you be penalised because she is now a single parent renting?

they are being unfair and it’s going to lead to bitterness and a split family, is that what they want? They are happy to say to you and your brother we think less of you because you have done well?

Dacadactyl · 29/01/2024 15:39

I think this is totally fair and kudos to your parents.

I would do exactly the same in their shoes.

Anyone who'd complain would look money grabbing to me.

Agnes12 · 29/01/2024 15:38

Having been through the recent loss of my beloved mum and the numerous issues that arose between siblings (who normally get on ok) in the aftermath, anything other than an equal split will I think inevitably cause some pain for someone. Even if you think you would be fine with it now, in the event you may find it raises feelings you didn’t anticipate.

laclochette · 29/01/2024 15:38

There's no right answer to this.
But ultimately your DS has been dealt a horrible blow by the universe with her past relationship and DV. Your parents are trying to do what they can to give all their children a similar level of security when they are gone, which I can imagine is a really comforting thought. I completely see where they're coming from on this.

RosePetals86 · 29/01/2024 15:37

Don’t understand why parents do this when they know it just pits children against one another. Equal share to children is fairest

Original poster
Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:37

@Whatevershallidowithmylife she doesn’t ( not in that info 😂)
Didn’t even put the siblings in order

OP posts:
Whatevershallidowithmylife · 29/01/2024 15:36

I think @notjustthecandle might know who you or your parents, or siblings are OP.

notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:36

Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:34

I am a FP and I don’t think many people know about the make up so not really worried.
I changed details you just don’t know which ones and I named changed.
I also don’t really think it will cause an issue.
thanks for your concern.

it’s was not concern for your siblings!

notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:35

Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:31

I Do not mind because I know we will be okay regardless and it’s not my money.
I can see both my parents and my DB a point of views.

how was it left with your brother

i hope you urged him not to cause your aging parents in ill health further stress

who is most involved with your parents?

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 29/01/2024 15:35

I believe in equal splits. Generally the bigger the house and job the bigger outgoings. Additionally your DS will probably end up losing any benefits she gets just now.

Original poster
Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:34

I am a FP and I don’t think many people know about the make up so not really worried.
I changed details you just don’t know which ones and I named changed.
I also don’t really think it will cause an issue.
thanks for your concern.

OP posts:
notjustthecandle · 29/01/2024 15:32

Troublesome3 · 29/01/2024 15:29

It’s ok I have not … I have given slight variations of information that equals the same but different but also stops me drip feeding. No one will no who I am from that info :)

you have told us your are a forensic pathologist and make up artist.

that you are a single parent as your partner passed away

you retained custody of his son, your step son

I can’t think the above is replicated anywhere in the UK

GasPanic · 29/01/2024 15:32

One of the issues with money is that you never know whether or not you are going to need it. So your DB1 might be rolling in it now, but at some point in the future be on his uppers.

I suppose your parents can always change the will if this happens.

For me it would really depend on how much cash there is. For example if your DB1 is getting 10k instead of 20k it is hardly worth bothering about.

If he is getting 1mill rather than 2mill then yes he is "losing" a lot, but 1 mill is still a fair bit of cash.

If he is somewhere in the middle then it becomes more difficult.

As a final thing, it may be that your DB1 appears to have a luxurious lifestyle, but in general peoples expenditure goes up to match their income. So it may look like they are rolling in it, but in fact they are only just about making ends meet.

At the end of the day though, it sounds like your parents have thought it through and it is their money to do what they want with.

Just as it's your DB1s right to tell them how he feels about that and change his relationship accordingly with them as a result if he wishes.