Inheritance issues !

I think what your parents are doing is very reasonable and fair and I would do the same in their circumstances. Bro has more than enough, and already had an inheritance that the rest of you didn't. I think he sounds selfish to be upset, and your sister sounds awesome.

No one is entitled to an inheritance, and it's not like he was entirely left out.

I would never do this to my children and I have 4. Primarily because I would not want to cause issues between them.
Whilst your eldest sibling has far more money, he has probably also worked incredibly hard and had the burden of expectation on him from your parents all his life. And the youngest probably got away with doing whatever he wanted from a young age. This is very stereotypical. Unless your youngest DB was very premature or has a disability this is very unfair. Your sister also made a bad choice.
Personally, it is a difficult situation and your parents are taking a big risk with this set up affecting not just their own relationships with their children but also sibling relationships. So I would never do this. That is provided all 4 were given the same opportunities. If you are now going to tell us your eldest DB was the only one to go to an expensive private school, that may change things.

Maybe, but how will the DC left out feel? Less loved I'd expect.

No one might complain, but it might leave one or more of the DC broken and feeling unloved. If Mil leaves everything to her other son DH would not complain. Who would he complain to, the mother who did it would be gone? I know dh would be left broken.

It depends on the amount of the inheritance. If it's a relatively modest amount even for the person getting most, then it seems fairly unimportant.

But it always seems fairer to split it equally. People always see it as how much they were loved by a parent rather than how much money the parent thought they needed. I do feel sorry for the hard working brother getting least.

I was always of the mind that things like inheritance should be equally shared, but this post makes so much sense.

As for posters appearing to me to say they know the op, why not dm them and ask, instead of trying to derail the thread?

Ime these decisions rarely come out of nowhere. They usually reflect a lifetime of children being treated differently. This is the reason they are so hurtful- lots of baggage.

It's your parents money and their decision to make.

I think it's so unfair to give less to the highest achievers ..

Everyone had the same chances

My mum has always favoured my sister as the under dog .. makes my blood boil

However it's their money and what they choose to do with it is up to them .. it does however hurt feelings when one child is favoured over another regardless of the reason

I think anything less than an equal split will split the family once your parents die. I've got 4 sisters. When my Mum died she left us all equal shares. She told us she very much wanted us to remain close after she had gone. Myself and one other sister are better off than 2 other sisters and my younger sister is really quite poor. I know my youngest sister spent all her inheritance paying off debts and had virtually nothing left. A year later her car engine blew up and she needed another car to be able to get to work. I bought her another car, not a new one but a decent one. When her DD went to uni I knew she couldn't afford to help her out so I did a direct debit to her every month for £100 for 4 years to help her out just a bit. If my Mum had given me less I know I'd have felt terribly hurt and less loved than my sister's. My MiL has my DH and his brother. His brother earns a lot less than my DH. Also DH and I have a property portfolio. I am hoping my MiL leaves DH and BiL the same. BiL has always been the favourite and it will just break my dh if she favours his brother again. Especially as when his Dad died DH went up to help his Mum deal with the funeral. He did everything for her, stayed 10 days, took her to undertakers to choose the coffin, arranged celebrant, order of service, music, catering and flowers and kept his wider family informed throughout. Also dealt with the bank, changing utilities into his Mum's name etc. BiL did nothing he even refused to choose music despite both he and FiL both liking country music. At the time she thanked me for agreeing DH went up for 10 days of his holiday and told my DH she couldn't have managed without him. DH remembers never having new clothes and always having to wear his older brothers hand me downs and his older brothers getting things but when he reached the same age there never being enough money for him to have similar.

I think anything other than an equal split causes resentment and bitterness. Imo the only exceptions would be significant disability or special provision (eg a trust) being made for a sibling who is likely to spend the inheritance on drugs.

To the siblings that lose out, it feels like they are being punished for being sensible. What if one sibling has always been a bit feckless and gets rewarded for it? And as others have said, circumstances may change. What if one your DS marries a millionaire? Your parents should reconsider or at the least explain their decision sensitively, including that it does not reflect a lack of love.

Your parents have made a decision which in my opinion should be respected.

You shared the information you wanted to share and according to you changed some details. Other posters should lay off and leave you alone.

I'm guessing that if your parents could rely on their eldest to support their youngest as and when required, they may leave the money equally. Guessing he doesn't want to welcome is younger brother into his perfect home.

Despite the mistakes their youngest has made in his life, they presumably love him and want to ensure he has the opportunity to be safe and secure and not on the streets. What he actually does of course is up to him.

I'm guessing the rest of his siblings (especially with young kids in the house tbf) won't want to welcome an addict into their homes. Therefore your parents are doing their best to help him when they are no longer able to - when its unlikely anyone else will want to.

I'm usually in favour of an equal split but in this instance I think it would be really stupid to top up an already full tank for DB1 when DSis' tank is almost empty.

The fact he's begrudging his sister having a chance at a better life is sad.

Your parents money, not yours or your siblings. 🤷‍♀️

I think your parents are right.

Sometimes treating everyone the same is the most unfair thing you can do.

Besides it's there money, your older DB sounds very entitled!!

I feel sorry for DB1. Your parents are essentially telling him that he should be penalised for doing well in life.

Your parents are smart and more people should follow suit imo.

I am not "in your DBs position" in that I can only dream of being mortgage free - we have 2 young kids and our childcare bill is 😭😭😱
But I have a nice mortgaged home, a decent pension and earn well.

My sibling has had a harder / less fortunate time for various reasons, isn't on the property ladder and doesn't have a partner.

They will receive more than me.
I know this in advance and i have NO issue with this we are still close.

Fair isn't equal.
It's good you parents have flagged this upfront also there are no surprises.

The way I see this from a sibling pov is a bit similar to a romantic relationship..
I would no more see my husband ordering a side salad as a main course because he can't afford to pay "his half" of a meal in a fancy restaurant while I ate lobster than I'd want my sibling trapped in a small rental with poor stability while I was mortgage free and buying a holiday home in the Dordogne.

My siblings and I have very different incomes-eldest brother is a millionaire several times over, lavish lifestyle, kids at expensive boarding school. My dm has made it clear we'll all get the same inheritance and I agree this is the only fair way to do it.

This 👆

The only absolutely fair way is a split between the direct children. Anything else is unfair, even if for good and valid reasons.

Ultimately, it is their money and they can do with it as they please. Considering the state of healthcare for the old and infirm, there is a high likelihood there won't be anything to distribute anyway these days I'm afraid.