Inheritance issues !

That's awful, what on earth was she thinking?! Presumably she's aware your relationship has been damaged by it?

@fuzzyduck1 On a brighter note they could have turned round and left it to a charity for wonky donkeys and none of you would get anything.

But at least they then would be treating all the children equally, without judgement or considering their relative worthiness.

Really? So, for example, a 55 year old sibling should get more than a 57 year old, all else being equal?

The thing I always wonder with threads like this is - will there be any inheritance left? My family tends to be long-lived and with care homes costing upwards of £4K a month, I am assuming that if my mum outlives my stepdad, and the house has to be sold to pay for her care (like the OP's parents, that's where any inheritance would come from) any inheritance me and my siblings might stand to receive will probably be wiped out by this. It does seem silly everyone falling out if it's going to be a moot point anyway.

I think your parents have done their best to be fair while being clear sighted about the youngest son. I say that as the sister of a man who has inherited three times and each times squandered it on gambling, has been financially exploited etc and also lost benefit entitlement as a result, this resulting in him having a major breakdown due to the stress of it, and being sectioned, he’s only just picking up the pieces now. I have an aunt who has made provision for her financially irresponsible son to get a regular allowance managed by her solicitor, but not to inherit a lump sum. Having said that, I can understand the eldest son being pissed off.

OP I’ve PM’d you a link. It’s your parents money and they are entitled to do what they like with it. What they can’t control is the consequences of their decision. And I’m not sure whether, if you are the left out child, it’s better to know before they die.
my DM completely cut me out of her £1m will (save for £500 of jewellery), and told me. My siblings and I all earn in the same ball park. My DH earns significantly more than the other siblings partners. One sibling has more children than me, the other sibling has no children but is a functioning alcoholic with a cocaine habit. My DMs justification for cutting me out was that 1. I didn’t need it (although obviously the alcoholic with a drug habit did), and 2. I’d had more of her time.(my mum was my best friend and my rock through all my 20s and well into my 30s when I was largely single…..it feels now like she went home After every time we went out/went on holiday and filled in some cryptic spread sheet “afternoon spent with curtains = minus £500 from any inheritence).
this isn’t about money, it’s about value and fairness.
DM has subsequently said she has now changed her will to include me, but I haven’t seen a copy and I absolutely believe that if my DBs challenged it they would win. The relationship I had with my mum is now functional (after a period of silence and some family therapy). I thought she was the most amazing mum in the world and She has utterly destroyed our relationship. I’m beyond devasted. I’m sure there are plenty in MN that will jump on board and say that your DB and I are selfish and grabby…..but unless you’ve been in the situation I don’t think you can comment.

So the DB that probably earns the most is the one?

it’s strange that having money makes you greedy.

At the end of the day it’s your parents money and they can do what they want with it. By the sounds of it they are trying to give each of you what they think you need.

This happened with one of my aunties when she died she left everything to two of her daughters and nothing to her two sons and another daughter.
this was mainly because the boys and one girl were set up and never came to see their mum. The two that got the inheritance saw her most days and looked after her.

On a brighter note they could have turned round and left it to a charity for wonky donkeys and none of you would get anything.

In my head, the only option is an equal split, always. I have a DD and soon will have a DS, in the future if one is really in more need while I’m still alive I would possibly try and help the less favored if the reasons they are in this position are outside their control, even than I’d proceed with caution when it comes to amounts, etc. I will leave 50/50 for each and hope if I did a good job raising them with the proper virtues and values they will help each other out in case of need.

As others have said, it is up to your parents to decide what to do with their money, but I think it is totally reasonable for your DB1 to be incredibly unhappy about it.

My own parents have always said any money that is left will be split equally between the three of us even though our personal circumstances are very different. I think that is the only way to avoid parents having to judge the relative merits of each child's business case for being left anything at all, which may change.

I don't think your parents are necessarily being unreasonable as it is their money, but I think they are being very naive if they imagine DB1 will accept it without complaint.

I'd be fuming if I was your brother, just because he works in a well paid industry he is going to get less money. That's a dreadful way to split inheritance and will damage the relationship between siblings. I think your parents are wrong in this situation. My brother and his wife earn far more than me, I am a single parent but my father has already said he will leave anything he has split equally between my brother and I and I'm am perfectly happy with that. My brother shouldn't be penalised for having a well paid job.

I think your parents can do what they want with their own money. And this sounds fair and reasonable to me. Fair doesn’t have to be equal. Your brother needs to consider your parents point of view, and that what they have decided is fair and equitable to them. He may to do differently with his own children when the time comes and that will be his choice to make.

OP how much money are we talking about? What are the approx splits in numbers?

The numbers do matter, as a 20k difference may be neither here nor there to the more prosperous siblings. Although an equal split is probably best for harmony, are we talking 10s of thousands, 100k, 500k each, or millions?

I think you need to announce to people that when you said, "DS gets the most" that you mean dear SISTER and not your dear son.

I mean, you mention it more than once in your original post but it seems some are failing to grasp the obvious.

Always equal split. Whether one is a millionaire and one a pauper.
So much can change.

Where are people getting the "supporting the OP's disabled son" from?

DS=DEAR SISTER not dear son. FGS

You can't control how others feel.

If your well off DB doesn't have the empathy to see that your DPs are trying to help their less fortunate offspring, well that's his problem.

Splitting it equally is the fairest, however, life hasn't been very fair to you, your DS or DB (but his downfall seems to be of his own making)

How much is their estate worth? Is he quibbling over £10k?

I mean it is their money, they can choose to do what they like with it. However, I'd not want to cause hurt or resentment so I would probably just split everything equally.

This. It’s never okay to exclude a more successful child because of they have ‘done all the right things’. It really isn’t.

Anything apart from equal between siblings (unless one needs care) generally causes ill will.

I can see where your parents are coming from but the fairest way is split it equally. None of us know what the future holds for us and what our fate will be. Therefore maybe equally is the best way forward to avoid conflict and hurt.

It's obviously up to your parents what they want to do with their money. Having said that I'd want to treat equally as I feel the same about them. Only thing that might change this in later life, is that if one was taking time out to help me more with things like hospital visits, food, paperwork - I'd want to recognise their time and costs involved.

Sorry, why is your DC receiving the most? Is it because he’s disabled and they want to make sure he’ll be okay throughout his life?

I think it’s unfair to leave less to a child because they are more successful, I honestly do.

If anything, the child who has proven able to
multiply wealth should be the one to inherit /manage it. If nothing else, they should get a fair split. .. So I understand your brothers PoV.

The DS is her Dear Sister, not her dear son.

It’s your parents money and up to them. I see why your brother is upset though. He’s been a good son done all the right things and is being penalised for it in his eyes.
not treating all your children equally will always cause a rift somewhere along the line.

Well said. It's not about the money.