Inheritance issues !

Let's hope a successful man with a well paying job in finance has good insurance. I'm sure that's what he would advise others.

oops forgot it!

Apologies, I didn't mean to call you immature as a person, I just feel like the general idea of linking monetary value directly to emotional value, or love, or other intangible concepts, is immature and not based in reality, it's more being reactive.

I have plenty of mindsets that I would probably describe as immature! But this concept (which is really common) reminds me of Michael Scott from the Office:

Four way split. Why should your brother be penalised for him and his wife earning well. I’ve never understood why anyone would do that.

Perfect answer.

Do you think it should be equal?

If it was, how much difference would it make to your sister's actual life? Or yours or elder brother's?

How long would it take younger brother to run through it?

A week after your parents die your eldest DB is in a horrific car accident (I obviously very much hope this doesn’t happen). He is left unable to work and with lifelong care needs.

You never know what the future will bring and the only fair thing is to split equally between DC imo

Not really.

It's just another way of looking at the situation.

Learn to understand that people can look at things in a different way to you without you needing to label them as "wrong" or "immature".

That's maturity.

I supposed they hoped their son in a well paid job with a well paid wife and a house paid for would want to help his sister. I guess it doesn't work like that in all families.

Isn’t there a parable in the Bible with this very theme? The Prodigal Son. The details vary but one of the main points is that the virtuous son complains to his father because his “undeserving” brother is being treated to the fatted calf and in the virtuous brother’s eyes, receiving preferential treatment. The father says you are both loved equally, this feast does not mean you are loved less than your scamp of a brother.*
Surely the reward your DB1 receives for his achievements/hard work is his affluent lifestyle, being able to privately educate his DC. Would he wish to change places with any of his sibs. What he has is partly a matter of fate — if he had been born disabled or educationally challenged or had a devastating accident he could not have achieved what he has.
Someone posted that in effect, it was DS’s fault she ended up in DV situation — really! Do women really desire this? Do their DC deserve the poor standard of housing/living etc?
Sometimes Equity does not demand equality

*I am not a Bible scholar and am relying on what I was taught in my youth.

Better than dependant drug addicts….

@horseyhorsey17 she says it was a mistake, but I don’t think she actually believes that. The therapy sessions were at least interesting. She has a very strange relationship with money. She says that money doesn’t mean anything to her. I pointed out that whilst she might not be materialistic she lives comfortably in a mortgage free £1m house and hasn’t worked since she was 45. (Younger than I am now). Categorically refuses to believe that she’s in the top 10-20% in terms of wealth and seems to think that one DBs school fees and house improvements are more important than mine. Even the therapist couldn’t stifle a laugh when DM said that DB with 3 children in prep school ‘needed’ the money.

This post says everything I was thinking but in a far more eloquent way than I could have put it.

I can see from DB's point of view though that he feels like he's being punished for doing well in life.

We had a scenario to a much lesser extent when FIL told us of the contents of his will. 5% to the two DGC then 45% each to DH and SIL. We don't have any DGC, so DH was a bit put out that he's being "punished" for not having children (i.e. 55% goes to SIL and her DDs, but 45% comes DH's way). I could see his point to some extent, though pointed out that it's still a lot of money that we don't really need, and with no children of our own, DNs will likely inherit what's left from us anyway, so it's just cutting out the middle man and giving them something to help them get on the property ladder when they're older.

It sounds like a well thought through plan IMO, especially when it comes to your younger DB.

(Oh, and please do an AMA - forensic pathology AND make up artist! I want to know everything!!)

I think your parents are doing the right thing, Christ your DS has been through the wringer, its fair they want all their grandchildren to have a bit of security. Your sister with a bit of extra help might be able to get a place to call her own. I would 100% understand if my parents or inlaws did an unequal split based on need.

I'd be very dissappointed with my DB in this situation. It's their (your parents) money not his entitlement. If there was not alot in it between sibs then yeah sure 4 way split, but your siblings are worlds apart in differing financial security. Xx

I wonder whether just as presumably something like a trust has been established for youngest DB, a specific bequest eg (depending on what sums they were pretty sure would be in the estate as a whole) eg enough for a large deposit that would enable dsis to buy her own home on an affordable mortgage, plus something to invest in a pension) the after that is taken out, divide the rest equally?

It’s up to your parents but I think it’s unfair

one brother had got his head down worked hard the other has turned to crime and drugs

penalise one for doing well
reward one for drugs and crime

of Course they would be hurt and clearly your brother is !
Its this sort of thing that can cause divisions in the family later.

My aunt left a lot to one grandchild of her son but left a token to her three granddaughters of her daughter
My cousin no longer talks to her brother or nephew, they thought it was ok and didn’t talk to their mum and explain it isnt.

Your parents can leave their money whatever way they want but not dividing it equally is the quickest route to destroying the relationship between the siblings after they've gone. I think it's a huge mistake.

I just think this is a really immature way of looking at things.

He's not being "rewarded". His "punishment" is a life of instability and hardship and strained relationships.

I can so relate to the impulse to want to provide for your children who need it once you know you won't be around.

It has also been made clear that it is based on circumstances, it's not an ambiguous slight to any of the siblings. I think it would be wrong and kind of uncouth/ghoulish to be arguing about this. DB or any of you did not earn that money, your parents did.

No that’s exactly what I would have done. Eldest brother doesn’t need the money and it’s not up to him to decide what your parents do with their money.

They want to know that all their children are as secure as possible before they go. Your brother obviously thinks that his siblings have messed up their lives and that he’s Mr Perfect because he hasn’t. People like that think that life is so simple. Your parents know they can’t rely on him to help anyone.

paste buffer has gone haywire. have asked for it to be deleted

Another thing. I know a family where the parents put an alcoholic son’s share in trust and gave the other two siblings their money outright. Executer was pressured into changing it so he got it all in one go and he drank himself to death in less than a year. Which had been exactly what the parents had feared and reason it had been put in trust in the first place.
The money all then went to his estranged but not divorced wife who the family hadn’t seen in decades.

@Cosyblankets absolutely. But you can’t then control the consequences of leaving a child out.