To think giving me one day a week actually isn’t ok?? Or AIBU?

This

Is he the only earner? It’s hard to be objective without knowing that.

wpur · Yesterday 11:50
Hi, yes I work too

This is a really difficult situation with so much stress , not to mention wondering what you are all going to do in 9 months. The NHS can be a brutal place to work and I feel that expectations for employees are increasing all of the time. They want more for the same or less.
If it were me I would try to accept that he is doing his best , you are also doing your best and dig in until the contract ends.
The Saturday thing, I can see both your points, both are equally valid so maybe try alternating or some kind of similar compromise.
When you know what will be on offer next time you can negotiate again with more knowledge of what will be your 'deal breakers'
Good luck xxx

I think a lot more understanding and credit should be given to your DH op.

My mum is also high up in the NHS and the amount of pressure on her to do huge admin paperwork in unreasonable time frames is immense.. she does admin for an entire department which is extremely busy all year round (fracture clinic) and ensuring each patients info in input accurately is very important as they can be held accountable for mistakes.

It is energy and time consuming so for the fact he is still offering his sundays - probably his one and only full day to himself is more than reasonable imo - and its a 9 month contract so it will not be forever.

You are in a partnership. Try and understand what he does and why it takes so long. He will not be allowed to share info with you because he is bound under GDPR but the NHS were not protesting for no reason and all they were offered was claps and thank you signs.

Support him through it and try to understand how important his job actually is. Explain how much time you would like and see if he can work around it with the next job he takes.

It does not seem very fair of you to expect more from him when the NHS has been short staffed across all departments for a very long time meaning his admin load may well be sky high for all kinds of reasons like my own DM.

I feel for you OP, but YABU imo.

Hoping things get better for you all when DH's contract is up

Is he the only earner? It’s hard to be objective without knowing that. If he is and he is working all this time to provide I don’t think you have an argument or should expect a full free day as that could be detrimental to his mental health. If you are also working and doing the childcare I think you do have an argument against this situation.

No, I do not work in the NHS, I am self-employed and I already shared my experience in one of the posts, where I say I would have loved to have been in OP shoes when my DC was born. And you got me wrong - I am not a snob, I equate the job of a surgeon to that of a nurse to that of a school cook, to that of a bus driver (responsible for many more people's lives during the shift). Those are the jobs I call 'real', i.e. impact on lives and health.

Oh and by the way, if we are going to get really picky about this @ORLt , the comparison with corporate law was that it involves very long hours but not as consistently long as the hours that OP’s DH is doing. You were suggesting that the reason for this is that he is doing a “proper job” where lives are at stake, so of course it’s more demanding.

Just think that through for a moment- shouldn’t the person making life or death decisions be getting more rest, for precisely that reason? I damn well would not want to be operated on or diagnosed by someone who had barely had any rest that week. Pilots, for example, have very strict rest requirements, because lives are also in their hands. Ditto lorry drivers.

Your “proper job” response is nut only rude, it doesn’t even make logical sense!

I'm sorry, but as big a responsibility being a doctor is, it doesn't stop other jobs being "proper".

Anyone doing an honest day's work is doing a proper job. And we learned during the pandemic that MANY professions are remarkably undervalued....cleaner's, shop assistants etc.

What you mean is a "respectable profession" like many snobby upper middle class wannabes see them. Own it, you're a snob.

My ex did this. Opted out of family life. It wasnt for him.

There are certain common issues, practices and themes that run through many different jobs. It’s perfectly possible to draw analogies without getting into some sort of superiority contest where only jobs that involve saving lives can be described as “proper jobs”. That’s just petty.

I also notice you had nothing constructive to add anyway, yet presumably you also work in the NHS as you would not deign to do any other sort of job. Why not share your experience then?

It really doesn't help the perception that consultants have God complexes when this sort of thing is posted.

I am not joking, I am amazed people can compare a NHS consultant with such jobs as management consultants and corporate law. Do people genuinely see no difference? In effort, responsibility, consequences? Seriously?

You made that “joke” about management consultants too and nobody laughed then either.

Give it a rest.

He is not in corporate law, he has a real job, he is responsible for people's lives.

If he's working 6 days a week then I don't think there's anything wrong with what he is doing. If he's swanning around on sat then that's a different matter. The fact is that it's just hard at that age. My DH and I have busy jobs and young kids and neither of us have any regular time for ourselves. It's just the way it goes.

Probably, she's peed off. But it is what it is. She's free to leave him and find a 9-5 guy Monday to Friday. I never had that. But adapted.

There is a lot more to this situation than the OP has said in this thread. She posts about this every few months or so.

She can’t outsource companionship and his just being present within the family, no matter how much he is earning. It seems that the lack of effort to be physically and emotionally close is her biggest issue.

I know it's probably been mentioned but HIS time is every evening and a full nights sleep 6 nights a week! OP is on 24/7, if baby wakes in the night, it's all on her.

Lots of people arguing the toss about working hours - if he has to work every hour god sends inc a full day on a Saturday then he should be earning a very decent salary and you can use some to outsource labour - childcare, cleaner etc

If he's not paid well then you need to question whether this set up is right for your family. Him working away ALL week and 50% of EVERY weekend sounds exhausting for you and I'd be seriously considering whether or not his job is worth it all

@Heather37231 it's definitely worth her discussing with him to see if they can find any options. I'd also suggest that she tell him that she can't go on like this, if she feels like she can't go on with the current arrangements. Resentment isn't good in any relationship, and relationships with children and high-pressure careers need (in my opinion) to have good communication and organisation. What I'm describing is pretty much the norm, though.

So on that basis you do agree that the contractual structure is what @Psychonabike describes, but there is a range of possible real-life scenarios superimposed upon that. We have no way of knowing how much of his situation OP’s husband can change or challenge, so surely it’s worth her sitting down and getting this detail from him, to make sure he is not making his own situation worse through habitual behaviours/lack of efficiency/inability to accept that his life outside work has changed. Rather than someone who has never met him just saying that he must be doing everything he can and that’s just how the job is?

Quite possibly. If I extrapolate from my own job, I could easily have that amount of work to do. I work 'part-time' now as I like my DC and my DH and now that I've got a permanent post I can take that opportunity (while recognising the cost in terms of further career advancement).

What I do is get most of it done after DC's bedtime, then go in to work maybe 45 minutes 'early' to get the last bits done. Then I have 4 or 5 hours or so to do at the weekend.

Scaling that up, and factoring in that OP's husband also needs travel time and to have Sunday free for seeing his family, I can easily see him having 8 or 9 hours needing done on the Saturday. In fact, I know people doing very similar work patterns up and down the country.

@Heather37231 possibly different specialities/subspecialties - there can be significant variations. We're also likely in different trusts/health boards - they may be lucky enough to be in one with good resources for their specialty and management with a supportive approach to staff retention and recruitment.

@Scirocco

You said

If I've spent all day seeing patients and managing emergencies, I still need to get the necessary information to do my job effectively the next day. Whether I do that preparation the night before or get up early and do it in the morning, it's still needing to be done before my working day starts.

On that basis, OP’s husband has to do the same during his weekday evenings. He can’t postpone to Saturday. Are you then saying that there is still an additional full day’s extra work every Saturday?

It's a shit situation and lots of professionals work away and work very long hours

But....if he isn't commuting during the week, and isn't doing household/family stuff during the week, surely she should have time to do that admin in the evenings.
Otherwise how would ANYONE be able to do that job in a week?

No-one should be working 12 hour days/60 hour weeks but let's say he is....as alot do. 8am to 8pm.....then "admin" on top for another 6/8 hours? he either needs to point out its far too much and can't be done, or do those hours during the week working a 14 hour day.
Being sensible he should take the first option.

YANBU....you both may need to compromise income for wellbeing.

He certainly shouldn't be doing 8-10 hour days. Then going to the gym/pub/watching TV. Then having a saturday lie in, before doing 3-4hrs admin and coming home AFTER LO is in bed.